Mom gets back with mooching ex, daughter considers going no contact: 'I've watched my mom become a completely different person'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 12, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

 When do adult children have a say in their parents' love lives?

Most people who have a decent relationship with their parents just want them to be happy, and that often includes seeing them find love again if they end up single for whatever reason. It is not wrong to want to have a romantic relationship in your life, not least when your kids are old enough to be responsible for themselves.

At the same time, things are a lot easier for a family if their adult children approve of the person they are dating, and vice versa. The curse of the stepparents is at its strongest when kids are still growing up, but that doesn't mean that there can't be tension when they are older as well. There is an acclimatization process, as with any new addition to a family.

If a child doesn't approve of the partner of their parent, things can get awkward. They will probably find it difficult to avoid them if they are in a serious relationship, and that will only complicate the family dynamic further. Nobody wants to be pushed away from their mom or dad because of who they choose to associate with, but sometimes they have no choice.

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  • A representation of an older couple sitting on a couch together, the woman leaning on the man's shoulders
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of an older couple sitting on a couch together, the woman leaning on the man's shoulders

  • A woman and her brother were initially happy when their mom decided to start dating again, a few years after their dad passed. They quickly changed their opinion after she got into a new relationship with a man who did not seem to bring a positive influence into her life.

    This partner and their mom married after a year, but then separated after an incident with him and the brother. The woman was dismayed when her mom started to let her him back into her life after some time apart, and wasn't sure if it would be too dramatic to stop talking to her because of it.

  • Am I wrong for really not like my Mom's partner and considering no contact?

    My father passed away when I was 15. For years afterward, my mom always said she'd never date or remarry. We became a very close family, and she built a successful career and a good life on her own.
    via janiejacobs
  • About eight years later, when I met my husband, she suddenly decided she wanted to start dating. My brother and I were happy for her and supported her.
    via janiejacobs
  • The first man she dated immediately raised red flags for us. He love-bombed her, and within about a month he claimed he had work near her house and asked if he could stay over during the week. She agreed. It turned out there was never any work nearby-he essentially moved in and never got a job. They were married within a year.
    via janiejacobs
  • Since then, I've watched my mom become a completely different person. She used to be outgoing, optimistic, and surrounded by friends. Over the years she became negative, withdrawn, quit her well-paying job, and financially struggled while he contributed very little. He spends most of his time sitting on the couch watching TV and complaining, while my mom carries everything.
    via janiejacobs
  • Earlier this year there was a serious incident involving him and my brother that became life-threatening. It traumatized our entire family. After that, my brother and I told our mom that if she chose to stay with him, we would have to go no contact for our own well-being.
    via janiejacobs
  • She chose to leave him, and he moved out. Since then it's honestly been like watching my mom come back to life. She's happier, less irritable, her career has taken off again, and she's managed to double her income.
    via janiejacobs
  • Now she's started letting him "visit" again. We all know exactly how this started the first time, and I strongly suspect he's working his way toward moving back in.
    via janiejacobs
  • I'm heartbroken because I love my mom and want her to be happy, but I also can't watch her lose herself all over again. I've already noticed the irritability and tension returning whenever he's around. AITAH if I stick to the boundary my brother and I already set and go no contact if she lets him move back in?
    via janiejacobs
  • A representation of an older woman looking away with an older man sitting on the couch behind her in the background
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of an older woman looking away with an older man sitting on the couch behind her in the background

  • melympia NTA. But give her a gentle reminder of your boundary, and that you're seeing what's going on.
    via melympia
  • AnyDecision470 For her, it's trauma-bonding and familiarity over loneliness. SHE has to realize he's no good for her. And, her taking him back is a slap in the face to your brother and you. NTA
    via AnyDecision470
  • SpiritedSkill2609 NTA at all. You have to protect your peace and security. Did your mom ever go to therapy after losing your father?
    via SpiritedSkill2609
  • OfficialBroccoliRob The fact that her mood, career, and finances all improved after he left is pretty telling. Unfortunately, she has to be willing to see that herself.
    via OfficialBroccoliRob
  • Virtual_Ostrich_6191 NTAH. You can't change what people want to do even if it's not good for them. You need to keep your plan and make sure mother knows what you have seen in him and her changes. Then do what's right for you
    via Virtual_Ostrich_6191
  • NotUniqueScott NTA but just let her know that you will enforce the boundary again if he moves in.
    via NotUniqueScott
  • Electronic_Picture67 Maybe you could go to therapy with your mom or encourage her to go alone. Please don't let her go to any therapy with him. Hold your boundary tight and let her know you would have to but that life is too precious to live that way.
    via Electronic_Picture67

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family drama relationships stepdad no contact
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