‘She’d get anxious over what we should do. Once we did choose something, she’d try to one up the plans we’d already made’: Woman insists on going on second trip with friend while she looks for a way to reject her

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 24, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

Travelling with a friend is the ultimate test of friendship

It's the same as living together; one thing is to be friends with somebody, but making routines and habits work together peacefully is another. Living together has its own downside because you can't just 'go home' and escape the situation; the situation is quite literally inside your home, but travelling is pretty much the same thing: you can't go home and escape your friend because you are too far away, so you're stuck in a strange place with somebody who's way too different from you. This Redditor has already lived that once and isn't looking forward to repeating it, but her friend doesn't feel the same way, so she'll have to find a way to communicate that without stirring the pot.

I don't know about you, but I have an anxious friend with whom I travelled before, and she needs to predetermine everything we're going to do, and it all has to be on her schedule. I know it comes from a place of vulnerability and anxiety, but it still rubs me the wrong way, because if you are late according to HER plans, or take too much time blowdrying your hair, she'll accuse you of being disorganised or lazy, but will fail to understand you simply don't live according to her wishes. It's just nerve-wracking.

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  • two women standing side by side with backpacks
    via Abby Ar

    The friends on the infamous trip

    Subjects are models

  • Best way to tell a friend you don’t want to do a trip with them again?

    I've been friends with Kylie for 10 years. Kylie is outwardly overly confident. But being close to her, I've noticed she's extremely anxious. She tends to turn this anxiety into what I call
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • anger-anxiety. She turns. her anxiety into anger, defensiveness, and arrogance. I went on a two week trip to Europe with her recently, and felt like I had to step on egg shells or keep her slightly tipsy to
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • avoid her anger-anxiety. The 6 months leading up to the trip were her sending me endless amounts of TikTok's and Instagram reels. She'd get anxious over what we
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • angry woman showing fist
    via engyn akyurt

    The anger-anxiety in question

    Not actual subjects

  • should do. Once we did choose something, she'd try to one up the plans we'd already made. She spent the first week of vacation being overly anxious about everything.
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • Not having enough time to shop, if we were too quiet, if we were taking too long at certain places. She got upset with me on the trip, because she felt like she planned everything. It's
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • true for a lot of things, because she steam rolled over most of my ideas. Her plans left me feeling like it was all her trip. The one night we didn't have plans, she insisted I pick out
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • something to do "since she'd planned 90% of our trip." Of course I chose something that didn't meet her standards, and we ended up doing what she already had planned as a back up in her mind.
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • We made it two weeks with me biting my tongue and ignoring a lot of her behavior. Now she's insisting we plan another trip together for next year. She told me "she's already done most of the
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • research" which means it's just her trip. I do not want to go. I've been thinking of a way to tell her I'm not solo traveling with her again. But I'm not sure. what the right approach would be. We work at the
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • same job. We have the same social circles. I'm trying avoid rocking the boat or completely upsetting the balance.
    via ConsistentTourist553
  • woman with suitcase
    via iuri melentsov

    The woman travelling on her own

    Image does not depict the characters in this story

  • To me, the solution to matters like this is and will always be: communication, but I don’t know if OP feels like she can’t do this with her friend because she gets upset easily or something like that. What I would do is: I’ll tell the girl that we can go on the trip as long as we have independent schedules and meet only in places we both want to go. There’s still room to make plans together, but travelling with her will not mean you have to do everything she says, and there’s no need to confront her like: you have a problem; it’s just an assertive way of stating boundaries without criticising the other. That said, you can always choose to come up with an excuse to say no to the trip, and that would be it, right?.

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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