‘I worry I’m really going to regret it’: Student gets offered a scholarship to Harvard, but girlfriend states it threatens their relationship so he considers missing his opportunity

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 29, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

Some doubts are unbelievable

Sometimes we're so caught up in a relationship that we start questioning the unquestionable. Some things, looked at from afar, seem ridiculous. Of course somebody can prioritize love and family over education, but getting a scholarship to a prestigious university means one, in one way or another, worked for it, and now is questioning all that work for the sake of a relationship. At any rate, our loved ones should, or should try to, encourage us in everything that could make us better, happier, or more fulfilled. At least, that's how I think about love and marriage. Is it different for some people?

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  • man reading in a campus
    via Brice Cooper

    The man studying

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  • TLDR: I've been offered a scholarship to Harvard, putting my 3.5 year relationship at risk - is this a mistake/horrible thing to do.
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  • live in the UK, and have been with my gf (F22) for 3.5 years. We are incredibly in love and are both planning to be together for the rest of our lives.
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • I (M22) was offered a scholarship to study at Harvard for a year. I'm currently in a pretty dead- end job which I don't like. This is obviously a really exciting opportunity, both professionally, and personally - I've never
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • lived abroad and I love studying. I also basically get paid to be there - otherwise I could never afford it. So in short, I want to go. I'm open to an LDR - I'd only be gone for 9-10
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  • months, I come back for a month in the middle of that, and I'm happy to pay for visits for her and me. She is very pessimistic about an LDR. Many of our friends have recently tried and failed at it, she thinks
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  • we will break up during it, and basically thinks I'm risking our relationship. From her perspective, its very hurtful to her, as she says she would never move away and risk us being together for something like this. She
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • says we're clearly in different places about how we're approaching life and our relationship at the moment i.e. her planning us being together more, and me not thinking about it as much.
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • harvard university banner
    via Manu Rios

    Harvard

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  • I really understand her side of it - there's a couple of ways in which I could have. handled the whole thing better e.g. listening to her more before making my decision etc. I now am having major
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • doubts about going - she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I can't imagine life without her. But if I don't go I worry about the regret I may feel. And I do still fully plan for us to stay together, throughout the period.
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • Basically I'd like to hear others' thoughts on this, as I feel like I'm doing a really fed up thing by tearing myself out of her life for the next 9 months, and I worry I'm really going to regret it.
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • couple sitting apart looking away
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The couple parting ways

    Representation

  • PlasticBaglmage If you choose this girl over Harvard, you will regret it. Do not sacrifice your education for this relationship.
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • lilacskye1 You're young. Choose your future. She is already very pessimistic and non supportive about your opportunities. You will regret not going for it
    via steve_buscemi_13526
  • Mountain_Exchange768 Same thing I'd tell a woman in this position: go to Harvard
    via steve_buscemi_13526

  • I think there can be an element of competitiveness at play in this story; sometimes it’s not easy to confront the fact that our partners are more successful than we are, and we tend to sabotage relationships because of that. It could be that, or it could be that she is simply too egocentric and would rather have a boyfriend nearby even if that means he will not follow his dreams. All those things can be true at once, and I still think staying for a relationship is the wrong option. The same relationship can end a few years down the line for another reason, and he wouldn’t have either the relationship or the education. Again, this is the way I think about love. I think we should love in a way that makes everyone in the relationship grow individually, but there might be people who think about relationships in another way I don’t quite understand. What do you think is happening here?



     

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relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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