Man prioritizes his wife’s plans and family reacts badly: ‘My family got upset and said I'm changing since I got married. They also said my wife is slowly pulling me away from them’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Sep 26, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

Healthy families don't view their son's partners as intruders. They might not like them; they might think they aren't the best for their sons, but they respect their sons' decisions

Most families are far from what's ideal in terms of behavior; that's why new marriages have to be really clear in enforcing their boundaries.

The family from this story states that 'family should come first', but what is a marriage, then? Isn't it including someone in your family? Isn't a marriage a newly formed family? If it is, and family should come first, then it's ok to put your partner's plans first on the priority list.

Some parents have a hard time psychologically processing that their sons are no longer children, and they are free to form their own families. If they don't make their boundaries clear, they run the risk of a never-ending grief; they don't give their parents (or themselves) the space to understand that their position as children is over.

Setting clear, strong boundaries is the only way in which families can coexist and find other ways to organise.

Either way, you should check whether your spouse is causing you to distance yourself from family, and if your family is trying to distance you from your spouse. It's an otherwise very common, complicated dynamic.

People change when they get married, and parents should expect us to change when we do. It might be hard for them, and we certainly can and should be patient, but if we sacrifice too much for them, we might end up sabotaging our own family project in order to keep the old one alive, and that's not fair to anybody.

I know a lot of couples who ended because their extended family wouldn't leave them alone. After a while it can become very tiring for everyone involved, and wear the couple down. Did it ever happen to you?

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  • Cheezburger Image 10666129664
    via Some tale

    Apparently, mothers in law should come before spouses

    Not actual story subjects

  • AITA for refusing to cancel my wife's plans because my family wanted me to?

    My wife had planned a small weekend trip for us months ago. Nothing expensive or complicated, just some time together because we've both been busy lately.The day before
    via PandaDirect9928
  • we were supposed to leave, my family suddenly planned a family gathering and expected me to attend. When I said I already had plans with my wife, my mother told me
    via PandaDirect9928
  • that family should always come first and that my wife could "understand."I told them I wasn't going to cancel something my wife had planned with me just
    via PandaDirect9928
  • because they made another plan at the last minute My family got upset and said I'm changing since I got married. They also said my wife is slowly pulling me.
    via PandaDirect9928
  • away from them My wife told me she doesn't want me to fight with my family over her, but she also said. she was hurt that they expected our plans to be the first thing I would
    via PandaDirect9928
  • sacrifice.I feel like I should be able to make plans with my wife without feeling guilty every time my family wants something.
    via PandaDirect9928
  • Cheezburger Image 10666129920
    via Omar Lopez

    Family comes first

    Licensed media provided as editorial context

  • Hour_Aardvark751. NTA. Your wife is your family. Extended family can get in line now.
    via Hour_Aadvark751
  • Forsaken-Routine-46 NTA.. this is a power move.. If you give in to keep peace then it will never stop.
    via Forsaken-Routine-46
  • Cheezburger Image 10666130176
    via Thay Jesus

    Who's the extended family now?

    Photo is a representation of scenes



     

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relationship advice family drama marriage marriage drama family feud relationships entitled people karma entitled family r-entitled toxic relationship relationship drama entitled people
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