23-year-old daughter wants to go on a trip with boyfriend, but her mother forbids her because she still lives at her house, even though she pays rent: ' I told her I wasn’t going to argue and that I was still going'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Oct 18, 2026 1:00 PM EDT
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  • I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for over a year. We're planning a weekend trip to the university he graduated from because he was invited to an alumni dinner, and I'm going as his guest. It's about a four-hour drive away. I've never gone on a trip with a partner before, so I've really been looking forward to it. I still live with my parents and pay rent. My mom has always been strict about what I can and can't
    via iheartnini
  • Cheezburger Image 10671409920
    via Vitaly Gariev
  • do, and I've usually listened to her. This time, though, I told her I was going rather than asking for permission. She immediately said, "No, you're not going." I told her I was and that I was letting her know my plans. She said I was disrespecting her and her rules while living under her roof. I said that I pay rent and that going away for a weekend isn't something I'm doing in her
    via iheartnini
  • house. We kept going back and forth until I asked what she would do if I went anyway. She stayed quiet. I specifically asked whether I should prepare to come back and be kicked out, but she didn't answer. She hasn't actually threatened to kick me out, so that's a fear I have, not something she explicitly said. The next day, she called me at work and asked when I was going
    via iheartnini
  • to take a day off. I've been working extra hours to make up for the weekend hours I'll miss, so I said I'd be off that weekend when I went away with my boyfriend. She said, "I told you you're not going." I told her I wasn't going to argue and that I was still going. She said no again, I said yes, and she hung up. I'm frustrated because I'm 22, almost 23, and I feel like I'm still being treated as a child. I work,
    via iheartnini
  • pay rent, graduated from college, and plan to go back to school. She often says she can't trust me, and it hurts because I'm trying to be responsible. It's also embarrassing having to tell people I can't go on trips or do things with them because my mom won't let me. I want to make plans based on my own schedule, finances, and responsibilities. She's had the chance to live her life, and I feel
    via iheartnini
  • like I'm struggling to start living mine. I've been planning to move out around next summer, but I wasn't financially prepared to do it this soon. If I did get kicked out, I believe I could stay with my boyfriend temporarily until I found somewhere of my own, but that isn't how I wanted to make that transition. I think I might be the ah le because I still live in her home,
    via iheartnini
  • and I told her outright that I was going regardless of what she said. I understand that there are household rules, but I don't think living at home should mean she gets to decide whether I can go away for a weekend.
    via iheartnini
  • A couple enjoying a trip together. Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding.
    via Khamkéo

    A couple enjoying a trip together. 

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding. 

  • fed-up-with-life NTA. It doesn't matter that you live under her roof, you pay rent and are an adult. A landlord can't tell you how to live your life. Your mother sounds like a controlling narcissist. You. Are. An. Adult. She needs to accept she has no right to control what you do anymore. The only thing she has a say in are reasonable house rules that pertain to living in the actual house. What you do outside the house is none of her business.
    via fed-up-with-life
  • jesse5844 NTA. Move up your move-out day as quickly as you can.
    via jesse5844
  • Early_Bad8737 She will have to give you notice if she wants to kick you out. And if you tell her you will just move in with your bf she won't kick you out anyway. NTA. And then plan to move out. It will do you wonders I think.
    via Early_Bad8737
  • southernbelle267 My mom used to do all this to me too. Tried to force me to pay rent when we lived in my grandmas house and I didn't even actually have my own room, told me what clothes I could wear and things I couldn't do even if it was outside the house. It caused me constant misery and she also threatened to kick me out all the time over stupid things, like wearing leggings at home, etc. She was flabbergasted when I moved out. I
    via southernbelle267
  • actually finally moved out at your age, 22. Granted that was 6 years ago and rent was cheaper and I lived in a small town at the time so it was more feasible, I found a shoebox studio for under $600 a month and my boyfriend (now husband!) helped me get it. She cried and pleaded for me to not leave - as soon as I told her I was moving out because it was better for everyone, she cried and said "why can't you just follow the rules so you can stay here?" LOL. Classic narcissist.
    via southernbelle267
  • My point is, you can do it and your mental health will be so much better than it is now. It's not worth it to stay in that toxic environment and better to nip this behavior in the bud. If you can't move in with your boyfriend right now, try to find anything in the meantime. Doesn't have to be fancy, just a roof over your head in a safe area. Sending hugs, I know this isn't easy. PS my mom and I are pretty much no contact now as well which is something you may want to consider as well.
    via southernbelle267
  • alwaysaboutthebutt Protect your items that you need as she may try to destroy everything so you cannot leave for the weekend away. Do you have a car to pre-pack your weekend bags in so she cannot disrupt your plans?
    via alwaysaboutthebutt
  • noeezy NTA. I'd sit down with your mom when you're both calm and thank her for letting you stay while you save up. But you can appreciate her and still set boundaries. Something like, "I respect you and the house rules, but I'm an adult now. I'm letting you know my plans out of consideration, not asking for permission. If you're worried about something, I'm happy to talk about it."
    via noeezy
  • Paying rent and respecting her home doesn't mean she gets to decide everything you do outside of it. Keep it respectful, but don't get stuck in another back and forth over whether you're "allowed." And since you're worried about your housing, have a backup plan while you keep working toward moving out.
    via noeezy

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