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19 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week

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  • 1
    Text - Mommy Needs A Life @mom_needsalife Follow We've put a man on the moon, but still don't have a vacuum that sucks up tiny LEGO pieces very, very quietly? 8:09 AM -3 Mar 2018 6 Retweets 16 Likes
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  • 2
    Text - Lady Lawya Follow @Parkerlawyer Each time we get in the car I say, "Buckle up." After hearing this every day for 8 years, my son just whispered to his friend in the backseat, "She says that to protect us because she's not that great at driving." 3:38 PM - 5 Mar 2018 622 Retweets 3,470 Likes
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  • 3
    Text - Kate Hall Follow @KateWhineHall I just did paper mâché with my kids for the first time. And the last time. 1:19 PM - 8 Mar 2017 92 Retweets 388 Likes
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  • 4
    Text - Dad and Buried Follow @DadandBuried My life has totally changed now that my 7yo has started doing things the first time I ask. #trulyblessed Just kidding! Can you get throat cancer from nonstop yelling? 4:11 PM - 7 Mar 2018 31 Retweets 187 Likes
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  • 5
    Text - MyMomologue Follow @MyMomologue If I moved as quickly during an actual workout as I just did to change the channel before my kid heard Caillou coming on, I'd weigh 87 lbs. 8:10 AM - 7 Mar 2018 29 Retweets 95 Likes ATE
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  • 6
    Text - Ash (an female) Follow @adult_mom Get married and have kids so that you can be woken up at 4:56 am on a Saturday by someone asking what the opposite of "J" is 5:57 AM - 4 Mar 2017 3,254 Retweets 7,178 Likes
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  • 7
    Text - Dad of Adelaide Follow @adelaidedadblog Replying to @simoncholland I was going to clean today - but i figured my kids will probably move out in 18-25 years so I'll do it then. 12:15 AM - 6 Mar 2018
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  • 8
    Text - MyMomologue Follow @MyMomologue Bedtime: Brush teeth Put on pjs Read Turn off light Put them back in bed Put them back in bed Threaten everything they love Put them back 7:09 AM - 8 Mar 2017 SPM 174 Retweets 429 Likes
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  • 9
    Text - Very Funny, Dad Follow @veryfunnydad It's a science fact #parenting #dadlife LIKELIHOOD OF POOPY DIAPER 10% 90% 6% 50% 30% 20% 10% 1 Mile 5 Miles 0 Miles 10 Miles 15 Miles 20 Miles Miles from Home Veryfunnydad.com 5:59 PM - 5 Mar 2018 Chance of a Load
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  • 10
    Text - Wendy S. Follow @maughammom 6yo: "When my play date gets here you and her mom can just go do 'Mom Things' like drink wine and talk about Girl Scout cookies, ok?" 1:35 PM - 4 Mar 2017 70 Retweets 264 Likes
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  • 11
    Text - Sara Says Stop Follow @PetrickSara I've lost my voice, but it doesn't make much difference because my kids never listen to me anyway. 3:19 PM -5 Mar 2017 ciaomama 51 Retweets 168 Likes
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  • 12
    Text - Sanitaryum FunnyPics Follow @Sanitaryum How to parent. #funny #parenting #monters # lol #badmom Son: Mom, can I sleep with you? I'm scared. Me: No, I can't risk the monster following you into my room and killing me. 9:52 AM -8 Mar 2018
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  • 13
    Text - Fowl Language Comics @fowlcomics Follow Parenting: Spent the weekend trying not to burst a blood vessel over my kids' behavior then got emotional and teary just watching them sleep 11:00 PM - 5 Mar 2017 104 Retweets 378 Likes
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  • 14
    Text - MyQuestionableLife Follow @2questionable I've reached the stage of parenting where my kids are rebuilding our home out of play-doh and I don't even care because they're being quiet. 7:28 AM -8 Mar 2017 76 Retweets 227 Likes
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  • 15
    Text - MMarvelousDad @marvelous_dad Follow And he looks very happy #parenting #dads #moms #parentlife #funny Have a baby, they said. It'll be beautiful, they said. 2:33 PM - 10 Mar 2018
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  • 16
    Text - Cydni Beer Follow @themessednest Me "What are you doing to your tooth?!" 5 "Trying to pull it out." Me "That's going to hurt." II 5 "I don't care. I need the money." 9:20 AM - 10 Mar 2018 159 Retweets 840 Likes
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  • 17
    Text - HuffPost Parents Follow @HuffPostParents This is incredible. (via @HowToBeADad) NEVER HAVE I EVER PARENT EDITION (1 POINT FOR EACH THING YOU'VE NEVER DONE) How To BeADad DAD 1. Dozed off on the toilet 11. Lied to your kid about time 2. Ran an errand to get away 12.Said okay with 100% no clue 3. Been so proud you teared up 13. "Lost" a toy on purpose 4. Been bitten by your kid 14. Used your kid as an excuse 5. Caught puke in your hands 15. Whisper screamed 6.Googled your kid's symptoms 16.
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  • 18
    Text - Robert Knop Follow @FatherWithTwins Things my 8yos have complained about this morning: 1) They had to make their own breakfast 2) They have to continue to learn how to read 3) They can't quit school and join hip hop a group 7:11 AM -7 Mar 2018 18 Retweets 164 Likes
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  • 19
    Text - Simon Holland Follow @simoncholland My wife cleaned the house all day and now we have to go live in a hotel. 4:43 PM - 5 Mar 2018 118 Retweets 838 Likes
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