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17 Bonkers Funny Amazon Reviews

There are some amazing things on the internet, if you have time to look for them. Well we have the time, and we found some absolute gems. There are two kinds of people on the internet: those who take the time to make others lives a little better by putting funny reviews on Amazon, and everyone else. I respect and bow down to these people - where do your weird ideas come from? Do you think of them before hand or are they spontaneous? I guess we'll never know. But one thing I do know is that these Amazon reviews are damn hilarious and you must stop whatever you're doing and read them now. 

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  • 1
    amazon review danny devito Mini Cutout I used to have severe anxiety. One day, I bought this mini Danny DeVito cutout and it changed my life. I laminated it, punched a hole on his head and strung it though my neck every day, when I go to bed at night, and even when I shower. some yarn. Now I wear Danny on I haven't had an anxiety attack since then. In fact, I am at pea
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  • 2
    amazon review Max Reflector Standard Accordion 150 Shade Price: $11.88 Really hard to drive with this... By joshoohuhh-July 29, 2013 Amazon Verified Purchase I love this product. It keeps my car nice and cool, BUT I will say that the only defect I have found so far is that it is very hard to drive with this on. I have had over 5 wrecks since purchased it. After my first fender bender, I decided it was best to roll down the window and stick my head out to see the road, but even that is hard becau
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  • 3
    amazon review Patriotic American Flag TANK 63 customer reviews List Price: $49.95 Price: $9.99-$19.95 & FREE Returns on som and colors. Details Size: Select Size Chart Fit: As expected (50%) Color: Red George Washington on October 10, 2014 By Color Name: Red Size Name: Medium Verified Purchase I wasn't ready for this shirt. I bought it for a 4th of July party, thinking it would be a fun gag shirt. Little did I know. I pulled it out of the box and immediately sank to my knees and wept
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    amazon review speakers FITS PERFECTLY ON ON MY SIDEWALK! By Amazon Customer on January 7, 2017 This speaker fits perfectly on my sidewalk, because I sold my house to buy these. Whoa Baby By Patrick J.Hawkins on December 18, 2015 I bought these to put in our newborn's nursery. We've been playing classical music because it is suppose to stimulate brain functionality. It seems to work stupendously. The child is only 8 weeks old and has told
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  • 5
    amazon review pocket knife Back I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice By a fan I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them it completely disassembled our washing machine. By Owenlong Received this knife as a gift for my 18th birthday. Wish I'd have known what it was because as soon as I touched it, I grew a mustache and became a Navy Seal. Mom fainted and... B
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    amazon review speaker This is the worst speaker sonos have made in my opinion. Doesn't connect to wifi and just makes a squelching noise. You might as well stick your bell meet Treasure Truck 1 SONO end in it for what it's worth sono23 Masturbator Male Black 17 people found this helpful Not Helpful Helpful Report Previous Next Note: This item is only available from third-party selle
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  • 7
    amazon review blanket Unamerican Blanket I prefer Christian blankets, I do not support the religious values of this product. Published 16 days ago
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  • 8
    Text Is is safe? I have seen a lot of products that say it can cause cancer on the tag Answer this question A: It gave me cancer so I underwent experimental treatment. Now I cannot die, and regenerate any damage including lost limbs. However I am ugly as heck. My skin looks like a prune and a raisin had a baby. see less Varacka | 10 months ago Comments Leave a Comment
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  • 9
    I love you, David Sedaris. Perhaps in another life we could have been something, alas, you have your own life to live and know not of my feelings for you. I will continue to admire you from afar and gleam the messages you leave me in your words, braided like the soft silkiness of your hair. Oh, what it would be like to be able to gaze into those small dark eyes, and have you see me
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    amazon review they're crap, but it's quantity over quality By E. Parker on December 18, 2016 they're crap, but it's quantity over quality. passed them out at a protest against the westboro baptist church to drown them out. not the loudest on their own, but when you've got 70 odd angry queers kazooing in unison, wel..
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  • 11
    amazon review EYEBROWS FOR THE EYEBROW SANTA By Graham on 13 December 2016 Verified Purchase The beard is sewn directly to the hem of the hat, which means that the eye-hole is (on a normal sized head) positioned directly over the forehead. This is fantastic if you're aiming to dress as a Santa Claus with locked-in syndrome who can only communicate via the wiggling of his eyebrows, but most would probably describe that as more depressing than festive. On the plu
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  • 12
    amazon review Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. as a Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the br
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  • 13
    amazon review Immortality is accessible to everyone. Vol11. (lissiidiology Commentaries to IISSIIDIOLOGY COMMENTARIES TO FUNDAMENTALS Fundamentals) VOLUME ELEVEN 11 (3) Immortality IS ACCESSIBLE TO EVERYONE $0.99 Digital List Price: $0.00 Kindle Price: I died By tuanomsoc on August 13, 2015 This book didn't work at All Was this review helpful to you? Report Helpful Not Helpful
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  • 14
    amazon review Well Worth The Wait November 27, 2012 By TomServo Sure these shoes are pricey but you get what you pay for. I worked 60 hours a week all year and I finally was able to purchase these shoes. I put them on and you could immediately tell these weren't your average $60 sneakers. They may have the same amount of form, comfort, shape,
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  • 15
    amazon review fire pit The girlfriend loved it as a birthday present. It's pretty sturdy, so it should outlast her new boyfriend and a few more, depending on how self- destructive she continues to be. Good luck, fire pit! 364 people found this helpful Not Helpful Report Helpful
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  • 16
    amazon review penguin mask - I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children., 24 May 2015 By Sir Chubs Verified Purchase (What is this?) This review is from: Overhead Rubber Penguin Mask Happy Feet Animal Fancy Dress (Toy) I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about their bed time, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the mask, and they soon know who is the King Penguin
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  • 17
    amazon review Clear Zip Lock Bags, Good old fashioned bag By Telling it how it is on September 25, 2017 Verified Purchase Finally a bag without a choking hazard warning. Just lay these out around the park and BAM! 1 week later and the park is all yours! No whiny kids, judging parents, dogs barking.. just silence... One person found this helpful
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