20 Dad Joke Tweets That'll Make You Facepalm Hard

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mattstaff
Nov 22, 2018 12:00 AM EST

Dad jokes never cease to leave us begrudgingly amused. 

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  • 01
    Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 I wear a clown mask to sleep just in case one of my kids has a nightmare and comes to sleep in our bed.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 02
    Text - Exploding Unicorn eXplodingUnicorn [finally gets the car seat installed correctly] Me: Where's the baby? Wife: In college.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 03
    Text - Zack Mr Kapowski kid's partyl Me: Can we leave? These things take forever Wife: "harsh whisper* Shut your mouth. Watch our daughter open her presents
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 04
    Text - Svenn Amish @amishschool Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 05
    Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland It's weird how we tell kids not to lie then tell them how good the picture they drew is.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 06
    Text - Rodney Lacroix @moooo0og35 I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 07
    Text - Dad and Buried DadandBuried I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 08
    Text - Justin Guarini @JustinGuarini Hang on guys, I think my toddler is getting to the good part of his four hour long story and I don't want to miss it
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 09
    Text - Brian Gaar @briangaar The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 10
    Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 11
    Text - The Glad Stork TheGladStork I cut the crust off my daughter's PB&J and I swear to god I heard her whisper that I'm her bitch now.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 12
    Text - mark @TheCatWhisprer After becoming a parent you gradually show up later and later to things until you never see anyone ever again
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 13
    Text - Will Rodgers @WilliamRodgers 3 year old: What's neglect mean? Me: Shhh daddy's playing video games.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 14
    Text - Robert Knop @FatherWith Twins 50% of parenting is looking for things with your kids that you've already thrown away.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 15
    Text - Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 16
    Text - Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 17
    Text - The Cisco Kid TheCiscoKidder I knew it was time to vacuum when the baby rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 18
    Text - Josh lwearaonesie watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 19
    Text - New Eric @ericsshadow My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted
    via BOBNOBODY
  • 20
    Text - Danny Zuker @DannyZuker I'm constantly amazed at how different my twin daughters are. Lisa is so much more positive & confident than her sister Hog Face.
    via BOBNOBODY

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humor twitter dad jokes tweets ridiculous funny
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