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Tweets By Moms Who Probably Won't Win The "Mom Of The Year" Award

Some moms make you wonder how they do it all. These are not them.

elinorsalo Posted by elinorsalo
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  • 1
    Text - Ramblin Mama Follow @ramblinma Me: Do that thing I like Husband: [takes the kids and leaves] 7:11 AM - 9 Sep 2018 377 Retweets 1,537 Likes
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  • 2
    Text - Lurkin' Mom Follow @LurkAtHomeMom Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35 5:05 AM -5 Feb 2017 2,578 Retweets 6,010 Likes
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  • 3
    Product - Wendy S Follow @maughammom I almost just said "Calm your tits" to my 3yo. Thanks, Twitter 12:21 PM - 14 Jun 2013 238 Retweets 658 Likes
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  • 4
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy Follow @sarcasticmommy4 Other moms: "I got so much accomplished this weekend. It feels good to start the week organized!" Me: "Cool. I watched 15 Hallmark movies & I wore the same outfit all weekend." 1:57 PM - 15 Sep 2018 193 Retweets 1,339 Likes
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  • 5
    Text - Tara Brown Follow @Faux_Ma Daughter: "Look Mommy, that nice man in the car next to us is waving to you..but with one finger." Me: "Awe how sweet, okay kids altogether now, let's wave back to him the same way." 11 7:07 PM - 23 Sep 2018 49 Retweets 133 Likes
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  • 6
    Text - Mary @AnniemuMary Follow Screen time? My whole family is invested in helping my youngest finish seven seasons of her show before it leaves Netflix on Thursday. She's on season six. Everybody is feeling the push, but we know she can do it. 8:41 AM - 29 Aug 2018 119 Retweets 672 Likes
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  • 7
    Text - Valerie Follow @ValeeGrri "TODAY I TELLED MY CLASS HOW SOMETIMES MY FARTS SMELL LIKE BURNT TOAST," said my son, the poster child for Teachers Don't Make Enough Money. 1:11 PM - 10 May 2017 801 Retweets 6,375 Likes
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  • 8
    Text - Mommy Owl Follow @Lhlodder That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is." 11 9:44 AM -14 Nov 2017 388 Retweets 1,118 Likes
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  • 9
    Text - MamaFizzles Follow @MamaFizzles We were in church and I pulled my toddler's hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG" and now I need a new church 9:01 AM - 15 Dec 2017 271 Retweets 1,039 Likes
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  • 10
    Text - MH Mother Haggard @MotherHaggard Follow when your toddler is irrationally attached to random household objects and you have to go in public and people give you strange looks and you're like, "Yes, I know my child is holding a whisk, shampoo bottle, a queen size fitted sheet, the dog's brush and a tap shoe. It's fine." 10:00 AM -5 Sep 2018 72 Retweets 362 Likes
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  • 11
    Text - deagging Lauren Mullen Follow @DraggingFeeties eeties Screaming in agony after my son jumps on my stomach* Him: Do you need medicine? Me: Yes, birth control. But it's too late. 7:17 AM - 24 Sep 2018 43 Retweets 226 Likes TATE
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  • 12
    Text - Tracie Tom Follow @tracietom 8 yr old: Mom, what do you want to be? Me: Single, living in Bahamas, no kids, maybe operate a little dive shop, driv-- 8: I mean for Halloween Me: Oh, I don't know I haven't really thought about it 12:40 PM - 24 Sep 2018 139 Retweets 447 Likes
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  • 13
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy Follow @sarcasticmommy4 I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me. 11:14 AM - 22 Apr 2014 944 Retweets 1,767 Likes
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  • 14
    Text - MacgyveringMom22 Follow @MacgyveringM22 One of my 3 year olds just politely shouted "Thank you! Bye bye, butthead!!"to the mailman as he drove away, so yes, I think all that time spent reinforcing manners is finally paying off. 3:16 PM - 24 Sep 2018 14 Retweets 104 Likes
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  • 15
    Text - Healthy Living for Hot Messes Follow @HLFHM A mom hits peak passive aggressive when faced with the request "tell me a story" Well Billy, once upon a time there was a little boy who literally never picked up his shit 10:17 AM - 21 Sep 2018 283 Retweets 1,295 Likes
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  • 16
    Text - TheBabyLady @thebabylady7 Follow Well, my 9 year old "forgot" to wear underwear to school again today and I think that pretty much sums up how effective I am at parenting. 9:31 AM 18 Sep 2018 5 Retweets 36 Likes
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  • 17
    Text - MamaFizzles Follow @MamaFizzles Follow my crafty mommy blog for great projects such as Pile of Books in Corner and Wrinkled Mass of Unfolded Clothes in Other Corner. 11:24 AM 12 Apr 2017 243 Retweets 482 Likes
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  • 18
    Text - Deady Romano Follow @SuperApple80 As parents, it's imperative we pay more attention to our kids. They're the best source for tweets. 12:32 PM - 21 Sep 2018 130 Retweets 377 Likes BEA
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