24 Funny Tweets That Beat Twiddling Your Thumbs

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Ada Elder
Dec 6, 2018 3:00 PM EST

Bored? Look no further. Here are some Funny Tweets written by people just like you.

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  • 01
    Text - David Dunkovich @DavidDunkovich I gotta get this off my chest. I accidentally served a lady spinach artichoke dip thinking it was broccoli & cheddar soup. she ate the whole thing and said it was one of her favorite soups she's ever had
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 02
    Animated cartoon - Follow Crash Bandicoot is just Sheen's fursona 2:32 PM-21 Jun 2018 493 Retweets 1,529 Likes t 493 40 1.5K Σ
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  • 03
    Text - Stefan Heck @boring_as_heck [mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines] Me: is that good 5/30/15, 3:27 PM
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  • 04
    Text - John Darby @mrjohndarby [doing a three point turn] whispering*: yes. 3 more points for me 31/5/17, 2:24 am
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  • 05
    Text - Therapist: You need to stop doing weird things, going out might help Me: I went to the park today Therapist: There you go! I hope you got something from that Me *opens coat* this duck 11/26/18, 7:35 AM
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  • 06
    Text - madison!!! @madisonfrench_ priest: it be like that sometimes congregation: and sometimes like that it be
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  • 07
    Text - Kaitlyn Greenidge @surlybassey My husband is in his first year of teaching elementary school math. Every night he comes home, takes a long swig of soda water, stares into the middle distance and says, "The amount of cuteness I see on a daily basis...you just can't fathom it, Kaitlyn"
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 08
    Text - Thomas Brendel @theSolemnBard INTERVIEWER: What would you say are your st- ME: Strengths? Making inferences from minimal data. INTERVIEWER: Okay. And your we ME: Wheat allergies? None whatsoever.
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 09
    Text - Sticks and stones may break my bones Words will also hurt me Compliments make me uncomfortable I have social anxiety I'm a wreck Just go
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  • 10
    Text - Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5 This woman got so offended when Iasked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash. 9/8/16, 4:59 PM
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 11
    Text - jen!!! @jennifermerr ican't wait until i'm old enough to host holiday dinners so i can stop inviting my worst family members. the tribe has spoken, grandma
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  • 12
    Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 Follow My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 13
    Automotive exterior - jodie @jodieegrace imma buy u a drank @benicetome Show this thread X5 FEB CALIFORNIA2 UUUNEEE
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  • 14
    Mammal - betches betches Dan and Sarah. Travel for the Instagram pics, run a lifestyle blog, took 30 minutes to agree on this pic, met on Hinge.
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 15
    Clothing - maura @painthands U know I carry right?
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  • 16
    Text - James Ray @MakeltRayn_ 6d Teenagers: *Smoke Juuls* Gov: *Contacts e-cigarette companies to tell them to stop endangering kids, forces them to re-evaluate their advertising, bans flavored cartridges, funds campaign to end teen smoking* Teenagers: *Literally shot & killed in their schools* Gov: L()
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 17
    Product - .mani G @DamaniG_ When the driver fall asleep a lil & you hear dat DDDZZZZDZSDSZRRR from them lil grooves on the freeway $$$ @nayrache Caption this Show this thread
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  • 18
    Text - Passes a farm with cows* My Brain: Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Me: "Cows"
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 19
    Text - Austin @austin_j10 My grandma talking to my mom about her new hearing aid, "it's the most expensive one you can buy, it cost me $4,000" My mom: "What kind is it" My grandma: "it's 4:15pm"
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 20
    Text - Martin R. Schneider @SchneidRemarks Man, Parks & Rec would have had such a hilarious episode about Pokemon Go. 7/31/16, 9:08 PM 159 RETWEETS 322 LIKES Martin R. Schneider @Schneid Remarks 4d Leslie would be so happy that so many people are going to the park, then get SO MAD that they're just looking at their phones there. 39 97 Martin R. Schneider @SchneidRemarks 4d *Andy throws a flip phone at a squirrel "How many points is that worth?" 41 129
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 21
    Text - sarah kirby @sarahgkirby why don't grocery stores participate in black friday?? i don't need 20% off a flatscreen give me half price tide pods and $1 coffee creamers and then you better believe i'l be at the doors at 3am
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 22
    Text - Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer In 5th grade the boy I had a crush on called me on the phone and told me he loved me.. .then screamed April Foooools and hung up. It took me 34 years but jokes on you, Chris. I don't even like you that much anymore
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 23
    Text - Petite Nicoco @PetiteNicoco Ladies, if he: - ignores text messages - doesn't like your tweets - doesn't introduce you to his parents - spends hours looking out the window pushes everything off of tables - runs around for no reason at 3 am He's not your man. He's a cat.
    via BigFckingRocket
  • 24
    Text - how to sext afterwards maybe we can u kno pip pip the diddly do Read 8:23 PM
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