This Dude Got Caught Cheating and Easily Gave the Weakest Excuse Ever Over Snapchat

In what universe did this guy Alex see this panning out in his favor? What we know is the dude got a fat vampiric hickey, and snapchatted his significant other, saying: 

"I told my dad yesterday I was gunna see you today and he thought it would be funny to jump on me to wake me up and he gave me a hickey (sic).

"I was like really! This b**** is huge!!! My mom said I look like white trash."

With this picture: