Amusing Tweets That Describe The Ups And Downs Of Marriage

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Sep 27, 2019 12:00 PM EDT

As the marriage rate declines, and about 50% of marriages end in divorce, things aren't looking that great for the marrieds. But they're out there, and they're especially out there on Twitter. From household nitpicking to special jokes that partners share with one another, these marriage tweets do a pretty solid job at helping us laugh at our committed relationships. It's always important to keep a sense of humor with these things - even if you've been married for what feels like an eternity. 

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  • 01
    Facial expression - Rinnie @RinnieOathkeepe When your husband is unexpectedly home and you don't want him to see all the clothes you just bought LOOK AWAY!
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 02
    Road - DPW @pondermymaker (100 miles from exit) Wife: You need to get in the right lane.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 03
    Text - 911 Emergenc Twin Dad @TwinSurvivalist [Husband 911] Me: I just shattered the gravy boat. 911: She'll kill you M: I know. 911: We never spoke. M: What? hold 911: Good luck Click
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 04
    White - PoLD Amy Dillon @amydillon ME: I bought you some new undershirts. HIM: [genuinely] That's exciting. NARRATOR: Marriage.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 05
    Shoulder - Valerie @ValeeGrrl Oh your husband bought you a designer handbag? Mine ordered me my very own large pizza
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 06
    Text - The Weiss Life @TheWeissLife Am I the only person that makes her husband sleep on the side of the bed that's closest to the door so he would get murdered first if someone broke in?
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 07
    Hair - Swim Jeans @ShortSleeveSuit My wife just found a coupon for lice treatment and yelled to everyone in the house "if you're gonna get lice, people, get it now!"
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 08
    Text - John Stapleton @BalletMischief Wife: last night I woke up, your elbow was on my mouth. Me: oh I'm sorry W: eh, it was kinda comfortable, so I left it there
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 09
    Food - Simon Holland @simoncholland I didn't even knowI was the loudest cereal eater in the world until I got married
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 10
    Dish - Josh @iwearaonesie wife: We just ate, why are you makinng pancakes? me: They're for the dogs wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? me: They don't know how
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 11
    Text - Tony P. @Tbone7219 Wife is going out tonight. Who wants to come over and talk and ask questions during a movie?
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 12
    Text - Jessie @mommajessiec *man on tv sweeps items off desk and passionately embraces woman* Me: How romantic. husband passionately throws folded laundry off bed Me: WTF
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 13
    Text - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy My husband's favorite place to stand is right in front of whatever cabinet I need.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 14
    Text - Maybe She... @CantWaitToNap The longer you're married, the louder he sneezes.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 15
    Text - Betty @BoomBoomBetty I will stubbornly die of hypothermia before l admit to my spouse that yes, maybe I did turn down the air conditioning too far.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 16
    Text - lifelovesarcasmsolitude @lifelovehumor Wife: I am not talking to you. Husband: Okay Wife: Don't you want to know the reason? Husband: No, I respect and trust your decision!
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 17
    Text - Boyd's BackyardTM @TheBoydP The hardest part of marriage is resisting temptation. Women just don't understand how hard it is not to use decorative towel
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 18
    Text - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy I describe my husband's style as "Is that what you're wearing?"
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 19
    Text - Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness "Tired?" Married people foreplay
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 20
    Text - Some Boys' Mother @someboysmother I know it looks like my husband and I are eating in silence and ignoring each other, but we're eavesdropping on you so we can talk about you in the car.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 21
    Supermarket - Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 Sent my husband to the store & then turned off my phone because it's time to teach independence.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 22
    Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife just asked for help finding something and now I have to walk around this Home Depot pretending don't know her.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 23
    Text - Lonnie Hicks @Lnnie My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 24
    Text - Amy Dillon @amydillon I know how you like it. And so that's exactly how I loaded the dishwasher. married sext
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 25
    Text - Donna McCoy @Donna McCoy Until got married I didn't even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 26
    Text - Cathryn @AngryRaccoon2 I'm pretty sure my husband didn't breathe this loudly when I met him.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 27
    Text - Mark Agee @MarkAgee Being married grants you one superpower and that's the ability to tell what couples just had a fight in the car right before a party
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 28
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed narrator: But they never did fool around
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 29
    Text - QT@Anon @QTAnon1 I asked my wife why she married me. She said "Because you're really funny." I said: "I thought it was because I'm good in bed." She said: "See? You're hilarious."
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 30
    Gadget - Kent Graham @KentWGraham My wife just replied to my email with "Unsubscribe."
    via youandmeandrainbows

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marriage tweets married people marriage date night relatable memes wife funny memes married life relationships parenting relatable tweets husband marriage memes couples funny tweets funny
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