BadBadRubberPiggy

(Me doing my homework at age 17) (Dad walks in) Dad: What are you doing? Me: Science homework ...

(After taking a bite of dinner) Me: This tastes funny. Mom: The bottle said the poison was supp...

(talking to my mom about a project for school.) Me: Yeah, so my teacher says I actually have to ...

(Me and mom making dinner, brother's ferret starts running around our feet): Mom: Put him in the...

Mom: You can't marry a guy with a big butt. Big butts run in our family; We have to breed them do...

Pregnant Sister: Does smoking pot while pregnant make your baby stupid? Mom: The fact that you j...

Little sister: Dad, why do you sleep naked? Dad: Trust me dear, no robber wants to see a naked m...

Mom: Do you think Mt. Rushmore was man-made or natural? Me: .... Mom: What?! I thought maybe Go...

(watching twilight with mom) Edward: How about the weather? Bella: I don't like the rain. I don...

(Me talking about my cat to my Mom) Me: I just don't understand it, it's like he only likes me w...

Me: How do they make almond milk? It's pretty good Dad: Almonds have nipples?

Mom: How do these people get in the magazine if they've only lost 15 pounds? It's stupid. Mom's ...

G-ma: (Opens door) Get up! Me: I'm sleeping, go away. G-ma: Too bad! Get up or I'm feeding you ...

Dad: You're my little orgasm that could. Me: Thanks?

Me: Let's watch Twilight! Dad: I'd rather rub my penis against a cheese grater.

Mom: Know what happens when you assume? Me: What? Mom: You make an ass out of you. Me: Isn't t...

My mom, talking about my boyfriend who wears super-skinny jeans. Mom: You can date him. Me: Wh...

(As my boyfriend and I are going out to his car one evening. Note: I'm a guy.) Dad: USE PROTECTI...

(on vacation in Mexico) Dad: Why is everyone speaking Spanish here? Mom: Get out of my car.

Mom: I wish censor bars worked whenever you wanted. Sister: Why? Mom: Your father likes the lig...

(Me talking on the phone with my boyfriend) Me:I love you Mom: You don't love him. You'll never...

(While sleeping on the sofa my mom sticks a grape in my ear.) Me: Why did you stick a god damned...

Me: Mom, do you want to watch the Office with me? Mom: No. Me: Please? Mom: Shut the hell up o...

Uncle Ralph: (To brother and boyfriend) Did you have sex on my bed? Brother: NO! Why would you t...

(While having a girls night with friends and my mom) Me: Let's get some tequila! Mom: Oh no, Mo...

Me: (Watching Mom make dinner.) How do you make spaghetti? Mom: Well, it all starts when a man a...

(Mom upon opening her package of syringes she ordered for nursing purposes) Mom: Sweet, they got...

(My Dad and I at Burger King) Dad: I want a whopper with extra bacon, I want a large fry, I want...