Never let your jokester sister book your bus trip. If you do, check your ticket to see what name ...
Mom: When you were a baby I swear I'd take a bullet for you in the blink of an eye... Now you're ...
Dad: You know, eventually, like in the next 3 or 5 years, screw it, I'm getting a didgeridoo.
Parents returned home from buying burial plots. Dad: Do you know who bought the plot right next ...
(While watching 40-Year-Old Virgin with parents) Mom (to Dad): See, I saved you from that life! ...
(me making fun of my parents for being technologically challenged) Me: and that is exactly why y...
(Doing the laundry) Me: Eww, dad's underwear. Dad: You know, when I go to the doctor and they ...
(This was on May 21st, 2011 at 5:01 pm) Me: Well, Mom, it looks like we only have 59 minutes lef...
Hot girl in Navy uniform walks by Dad: Do you know what they call girls in the Navy? Me (hardly...
If you're washing your car, which is named Muff (due to the letters MUF being in the numberplate)...
(shopping with my mom for a school presentation) Mom: What about this one? (holds up hot pink dr...
I got into an argument with this at school. She was of the opinion that Twilight was better than ...
Don't wear a Raptor Jesus shirt to your overly religious grandparent's house. It is the only shir...
When discussing where to eat dinner with your brother... Correct: Would you like to get our meal...
If you are a Harry Potter fan, the word's hypocrite. Not hypogriff. You will get odd looks #LFMF
me and dad at kitchen table eating dinner dad:you know, our family should be a sitcom me: becau...
No matter how late you stay up reading demotivationals about bros, it is NEVER acceptable to resp...
Watching TV on New Years Eve with my parents: Me: So Justin Bieber sang a Beatles song not too l...
(Doing a survey for gay people's rights) Me: Mom, why do you support gay marriage? Mom: Because...
(On a former discussion of Christian sexual purity) Friend: (sarcastically) I am the antithesis ...
Me: That man has a harmonica. Dad: Don't worry, they'll develop a cure for it. Me: A cure... fo...
(At the bar with my parents on my 21st birthday) Me: I don't know what to order. Mom: What do y...
(Mom at window looking into the yard) Mom: Who's that good looking boy in the yard? He's fit. M...
(Our cat is diabetic and has to have insulin injections twice a day) Dad: Morning cat, have you ...
[When I was about 9, my girl scout troop had to participate in this international fair thing wher...
(upon finding an old black banana in the fridge) Dad: Are you READY? Me: For what? Dad: ARE YO...
(On the ride home from a useless therapist session...) Mom: How do you relieve your stress? What...