Getting reccomened meditation by a friend or a therapist feels kind of weird. It's like they know just by looking at you that you refuse to shut off your brain for even one second of your waking hours. They sniff you and think, “now this is a person who will consume media at an alarming rate just so they don't have to hear the thought bouncing through their head.” I've never really successfully done meditation because I struggle with taking it seriously. I'm supposed to not ruminate on any thou…

Spongebob is one of the most iconic cartoon characters of all time. He has served as the unofficial mascot for Nickelodeon for over two decades and has filled our lives with laughter for just as long. Spongebob SquarePants is one of those shows with humor that will hold up for generations. It's the perfect kind of kid's show that keeps the young ones entertained but with enough wit and humor to have fully grown adults in stitches. The episodes are endlessly rewatchable (at least up to Season 3)…

I don't know if this is said enough, so I'm just going to flat out say it; Being a programmer is a huge accomplishment. Sure, the general population praises those pursuing STEM fields during their high school and college years, but what about after they manifest their dreams of becoming programmers? Programmers and IT specialists work long, hard hours that it's difficult for the normies of the world to understand. You have to learn complex coding languages, stop and start over, all while never…

Have you ever heard the theory that the United States is like a melting pot, with various cultures coming together and amalgamating into one uniquely American culture? Despite that talking point's prominence, America as a melting pot is quite a misnomer because cultures don't just bleed into each other. Cultural practices don't become an indistinguishable goo similar to that of cheese fondue just because they exist in close proximity to each other. Instead of the melting pot theory, other socio…

If loving my wife is a crime, officer, lock me up! That is the boomer dad version of the newest Twitter meme . It features the caption “me if [banal thing] was illegal” typically accompanied by a picture of Spongebob being handcuffed by the coppers, his face in agony. This meme format is fun because it's just so easy! I have a long list of everyday things that I could not stop doing, even if they were illegal! They include the following… Me if drinking at least four servings of Diet Coke per da…

Memes, memes, memes. There are so many out there in the world, and simply not enough hours in the day to take them all in. Wouldn't it be swell if we were like those people on the spaceship in WALL-E , required to do nothing all day but be pumped up with media and snacks? Allegedly, my dad's distant cousin was the guy who was the inspiration for the evil captain in WALL-E, but that's neither here nor there. If that's the most famous person I am related to, I am pretty content with that. But all…

Hear ye! Hear ye! I be the town crier, and I have news of many merriments! Firstly of all, you are alive and not dead. That is a spectacular feat, considering how the world is during these times. These times can be mid, these times can be evil, and they are beyond capable of being both! Your status as a fully conscious human being is the good news. The bad news is that we are in the cold, cruel midst of a medieval peasant famine. But no need to fret, dear citizens. The king has been gracious en…

Spongebob is a wacky little cartoon character; He's an absolute hoot, and he surely hasn't killed a guy , right? Well, I've got some bad news for you. Being on TV for 23 years has allowed SpongeBob to get into every situation imaginable. This includes vehicular manslaughter and 2nd-degree murder. While most fans take SpongeBob's criminal record no more seriously than they'd take Eric Cartman's, some fans were deeply upset about the sea sponge's portrayal.

Robert Frost was onto something when he penned the words “Nothing gold can stay.” The older we get the less things seem to have consistency. The glinting reality we once existed in has lost its sparkle. The activities we once loved are now enjoyed with a fraction of the same enthusiasm. That intense honeymoon phase of our relationships? You guessed it. They crumble into comfortable, routine dust. Pretty soon you find yourself trying new things - forced dance classes, wine tastings, perhaps walk…

The whole internet seems to be talking about Rihanna right now. Everywhere you turn there's a new picture of the pop star on the beach in a sequined bikini looking extremely pregnant and not giving two f*cks. But you know what people aren't talking about? This perfect Twitter thread of Rihanna pictures matched perfectly with stills from S pongeBob SquarePants . If you have a passion for both celebrities and shitposts, today is your lucky day. Enjoy.

What if your favorite album existed in the SpongeBob Squarepants universe ? Well you don't have to imagine, because someone's done it for you, and it's amazing. The Photoshop wizards behind Instagram account ‘ Albums of Bikini Bottom ’ have posted over one thousand SpongeBob -themed album art recreations since their first in 2019. That's pretty impressive for a shitposter, let alone an account making some very creative original content. We've picked out some of our favorites from @albumsofbikin…

Mayonnaise is an instrument

New level creepy

This one's dedicated to the overworked and underpaid

We wonder if the Krusty Krab is hiring

Mr. Krabs was the real villain