Ever gone on a date with a raging homophobe? If so, you'll know how painfully awkward it is. If not, this woman will walk you through her bad experience, with no details spared. Together with The Single Society, we bring you the latest tale of dating debauchery in NYC, where women attempt to navigate their way through the minefield of lunatics out there, to try and find the one. It's not easy, but hey, at least bad dates make great stories, right?
Simon was super attractive—at first.
I met Simon at a conference in the tech startup industry. Simon exuded a distinguished air of confidence in his fitted jeans and crisp collared button-up that was pressed to perfection. I was instantly attracted to him. Little did I know, this asshole would turn out to be a holy homophobe.
Conversation was flowing, all was good. Until he noticed the cross on my neck.
We spent the better part of their hour acquainting one another with the joys and griefs of our jobs at rivaling tech companies and where we ultimately want to see our respective careers in the next few years to come.
Simon then noticed the silver cross necklace that was hanging from my neck.
This got him very excited. Too excited.
"Are you Catholic?" He inquired.
I told him that though it was more of a cultural formality (and because my family is uber f*cking religious ), for all intents and purpose, yes, I was in fact 'Catholic.'
My extra-curricular activities typically involve massive pitchers of Margaritas, but hey, opposites attract, right?
I tried changing topics. That backfired. Massively.
Attempting to turn the conversation to something more secular, I asked Simon how he was enjoying his time in Connecticut, as he only moved here three months prior.
I asked that he elaborate…a decision I eventually regretted.
Simon revealed that he suspects his roommate suffers from 'SSAS,' which made him terribly uncomfortable.
It bothered him that his roommate was gay. 'Or, SSAS' as he called it.
"Oh wow, that sounds awful…
…what is 'SSAS?' I asked.
Well, 'SSA' stands for 'same-sex attraction syndrome.'
"……Umm…so…your roommate is…gay?" I asked, somewhat befuddled.
(Another bad decision)
"NO! No, he is NOT gay," Simon insisted. He then proceeded to tell me about 'SSAS' and what it entails.
Aka, 'same-sex attraction syndrome.’ Excuse me?!
It is basically a 'disease' in which nutty religious people use to 'diagnose' people who are gay in order to convince them that they have a mental illness so they will be willing participants in conversion therapy so that they can be 'saved' and all will be well in the eyes of the Lord.
A part of me almost felt sorry for Simon for being brainwashed into such a homophobe.
I painfully attempted to make conversation while I finished the wine...
As far as I was concerned, this date was over, but considering we still had an entire bottle of wine to finish I tried my best to maintain my patience. In an attempt to kill the painfully awkward silence I ask Simon what exactly he was looking for in a partner.
He replied with the ubiquitous 'family-oriented,' 'enjoys the outdoors,' yada yada…
Until he told me he wants to marry a virgin (even though he isn't one).
Oh! And he prefers his wife to be a virgin because he feels that a woman should be pure when she gives herself to her husband, or else 'why wear a white dress?'
I asked him if he, in fact, still possessed this precious 'V card.'
The date finally ended, thank GOD. Then, he sent me this...
We ended the date with the mutual understanding (or so I thought) that we would most likely not see each other in a romantic capacity ever again.
Simon hopped on the train back to Connecticut and by the time I returned home to my apartment I received this little gem of spiritual enlightenment…
Yeah, it's a no from me dude! Good luck with Jesus.
"I enjoyed the evening with you. I think we are on a little bit of a different track right now when it comes to our faith, but I would still be open to spending more time with you to see if things can move in a positive direction."
2 Corinthians 1:13
About the AuthorTheSingleSocietyNikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.