My Dating Nightmare: Guy With DUIs Tried Drunk-Driving Me Home
Finding love in this digital era is far from easy. With more websites and applications — in which we can essentially 'shop for people' — than we know what to do with, the influx leads to infinite choice, infinite possibility, and infinite encounters that are often so bizarre, they could be fictional. But by embracing the good, the bad, and the downright ugly of the online dating minefield, at least bad dates make great stories. Right?
Together with The Single Society, we are bringing you the hilarious, horrible, and awkward real-life stories from women currently navigating the world of online dating. When you're finished reading this shocking tale, check out our other true stories of modern dating debauchery.
I met Luke on Tinder (romantic, I know) and after exchanging texts for the better part of a month he invited me to watch the LA Dodgers game in his company's box seats…which resulted in a complete Tinder nightmare.
Being the die-hard Dodgers fan that I am, I graciously obliged. Luke offered to pick me up in his car for the game. While I typically prefer to meet people in public places, I figured LA traffic would be even worse on a game day, so I decided to skip the expensive Uber ride and accepted his offer.
When I got into his car he looked nothing like the fair-skinned blue-eyed handsome gentleman depicted in his profile. His face was bestrewn with severely inflamed acne and his teeth were a pale shade of yellow. I could also tell he had a cavity by the pungent smell engulfing his Honda Civic. (Yes, I can smell when people have cavities. It's f**king gross).
Clearly, I would NOT be sleeping with Luke in the future, but hey…box seats at the Dodger's game, right?!
As we drove down the road listening to a 90s alternative playlist his car started beeping. Luke reached down between his seat and the door and pulled out an apparatus into which he blew.
"Oh, I got a couple of DUIs, so I have to blow into this breathalyzer like every 15 minutes," he said, rather nonchalantly. Wow. Ok. This was a massive red flag, but as I said, it was already decided that I would not be sleeping with him.
Luke and I arrived at the game and settled into the box before the first pitch. Luke chivalrously asked if he could get me a drink and returned with a beer for me and a whiskey Coke for himself.
As the innings passed Luke retrieved our third round of drinks, and I remembered the breathalyzer.
"Oh, SH*T! It's OK though. I just have to wait for about 15-20 minutes and drink some water. I will definitely be below 0.06 by then," Luke assured me.
After 30 minutes and a bottle of Aquafina Luke gave the breathalyzer another shot.
No luck. Luke's blood-alcohol level remained at 0.08.
I told Luke I was going to take an Uber home when he began relentlessly begging me to wait just a little bit longer because he really wanted to get dinner. Feeling somewhat sorry for him, (why? Who the f*ck knows?) I apprehensively agreed.
We sat around chatting for another hour or so when Luke was ready to try and start his car again.
Alas, he blew a 0.06.
*BUT* Luke was sadly mistaken. Blowing a 0.06 did NOT unlock his car as he expected. Since this was his third attempt (and fail), his car was officially locked for 24 hours.
Luke was sweating bullets trying to figure out what to do about getting his car out of a lot that was closing in several hours and avoid getting his card towed.
Perhaps I could have stayed for moral support... But I didn't.
I called an Uber.
Guess you could say he really BLEW it…..muahahaha.
Sorry, Luke! Don't drink and drive.
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