Guys All Women Encounter At The Gym

• The Early Bird

  

  
  

  On the very off chance you manage to get out of bed for a morning workout, this guy is always there without fail. He always looks chipper, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to conquer the rest of his day with the same high spirits that motivate him to hop out of bed every morning. He generally keeps to himself and to his inspirational morning playlists/podcasts. You can't help but glance at him every so often because you're dying to know his secret. His optimistic attitude and sanity in the morning make you suspicious that he is an otherworldly being. Is he an alien? An angel?! The world may never know.

  
  

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• The Know-It-All

  

  At the gym, he's the Knight in Shining Armour, and every woman he comes into contact with is the Damsel in Distress. He's THE MAN, so naturally, he knows everything about anything at the gym. On the other hand, you're a delicate, clumsy woman, and he wouldn't want to see you hurt yourself. Not on his watch. In fact, it's his obligation to help you out. He will ensure that eye contact occurs between the two of you, no matter how much you try to avoid it. Then you'll listen to him drone on and on about how your gym experience would be golden if you would just engage in proper form. You internally giggle as you watch him engage in said bizarre movements. You're no gym expert, but you're positive that whatever those are, they are most definitely not proper form.

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• The Johnny Bravo

  

  This guy utilizes the guise of physical fitness to hit on women, which is slightly disconcerting. Like, you're sweating your ass off and you can barely breathe - does he really think now is the right time to approach you for your number? You couldn't physically flirt with him at the moment even if you were interested. You can't deny that he's super hot, but the fact that he's hitting you and every other woman up at the gym is a major red flag. What's next? Workout dates?! Psycho vibes.

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• The Gym Rat

  

  
  

  The gym is his home away from home. On second thought, you're not even sure he has a home. That's how often he is at the gym. He's incessantly lifting and knows every corner of the gym like the back of his hand. Obviously, he's crazy jacked, but in a way that you find kind of scary. He's so devoted to BEAST MODE that you seriously wonder if he has a job or other responsibilities outside of the realm of the gym. Unlike the Johnny Bravo, the Gym Rat is so intensely into his workouts that he doesn't pay attention to anyone else. Instead, you find yourself openly gawking at him. I mean, where does he get the motivation and the stamina?  Leave some for the rest of us. It's just not fair.

  
  

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• The Newbie

  

  
  

  This cutie is the Gym Rat's opposite. As you watch him struggle around the exercise machines, or to lift a standard dumbbell, you come to the conclusion that you and he are on the same wavelength. After witnessing him trip over a clearly visible yoga mat, you realize that he may be worse off than even you. You offer him a supportive smile as he seemingly hyperventilates on the treadmill next to yours, and you end up chatting with the breath you have left. You discover that the two of you both aim to lead healthier lifestyles, but it's just so haaaard, you know? You validate each other by claiming that being the most ripped person in the room doesn't matter, and the most important thing is just showing up. Sure, whatever helps you guys sleep at night. You may have just found yourself a new workout bud - congrats!

  
  

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• The Silver Fox

  

  
  

  Wine improves with age, and evidently, so did this hottie with a body! The Silver Fox is the epitome of a gym daddy. Based on his lovely physique and how flawlessly he works his way around the gym, it's clear he's been coming here for years. Perhaps even decades. You have to keep your jaw off the floor as he performs his twentieth set effortlessly. Up until this moment, you thought you were only into guys your own age. But tastes can change at any time. Just as you're about to ask him about his skincare routine and diet plan, you catch wind of the ring on his finger. You immediately change your gameplan.

  "Excuse me, Gym Daddy sir, do you happen to have a son that you could set me up with ASAP?"

  
  

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• The Mirror Man

  

  The Mirror Man seems to half-ass every physical activity, but shit gets serious when he finally makes his way to the gym mirror.  You can tell he's been waiting his entire workout session for the moment he could post evidence that he is "getting gains" on his Insta story. Somehow, he has a perfectly chiseled bod, which makes no sense to you considering he spends more time hanging out around the mirror than actually working out. If he could make out with his reflection, he totally would. Wait, a man that is more into himself than you are? You weren't aware that was possible.

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• The Treadmill Trashtalker

  

  This one has decided that the best time to have deep, meaningful conversations over the phone is while he's on the treadmill. He talks so loud it's as if he wants the whole gym to hear about all his dirty laundry. Dude, please use your inside voice. No one needs to hear about your amazing promotion at your Finance Bro job or that wild music fest you were rolling at over the weekend. In case you were wondering (you weren't), he got punched in the face in the mosh pit, and it was awesome. Unfortunately, you're too poor to afford a private home gym, so you're gonna be listening to him yearn for his heartless ex who broke up with when he "did nothing wrong" (except persistently cheating on her) for years to come.

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