Catering business owner refuses to share late grandma's family recipe with 35-year-old cousin after she says that she's not a "real cook" because she never went to culinary school: 'She disrespected my work'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 30, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

The thing about the arts is that you don't really need any formal schooling. Sure, having a Fine Arts degree might give you a very slight leg up on your resume for a residency, but anyone with hands-on experience and a good body of work will be just as qualified. While you can certainly improve your technical skills in the arts through education and workshops, there are plenty of naturally-gifted individuals that can get by with practice alone.

The culinary arts, much like other artistic pursuits, is much the same. While you do need training in order to cook up some very specific dishes, all you really need in order to simply be a good cook is to know your way around the kitchen and a thing or two about flavor. That's why our protagonist is so taken aback when her cousin disparages her successful catering business just because she never went to culinary school. You know who else never did, though? Their grandmother. And now this entitled cousin is demanding her recipes to impress her dinner guests. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to give my cousin the family recipe after she said I "wasn't even a real cook"?

    Cheezburger Image 10535070464
    via fizkes from Getty Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I (31F) run a small catering side business out of my home. nothing huge, but it's growing steadily. I use a lot of family
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 03
    recipes, including a marinade that's been passed down from my grandmother. I've put my own spin on it over the years, but it's still one of the dishes I'm most known for.
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 04
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    via Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    My cousin (35F), who's more of a "Pinterest chef" (her words), recently asked for the recipe because she wanted to make it for a dinner party. Normally I'd
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 06
    have no issue sharing but in the past she's mocked my cooking, saying stuff like it's not "real" because I didn't go to culinary school or work in a restaurant.
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 07
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    via Aflo Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    So I told her no, I wasn't comfortable giving it out. She immediately called me selfish and accused me of gatekeeping a
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 09
    family tradition. Now she's been posting passive aggressive stuff online, something like "some people are so threatened by a little talent"
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 10
    My mom thinks I should just let it go and give her the recipe to keep the piece, but to be honest I'm still salty about the way
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 11
    to be honest I'm still salty about the way she's disrespected my work in the past (which may be petty, I know). AITA?
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 12
    NTA Tipitina62 I hope you made the link between her comments and your lack of desire to
    via u/Tipitina62
  • 13
    share. Something along the lines of, " I'm surprised you would even want this recipe since I am not a real cook."
    via u/Tipitina62
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10535071232
    via KatarzynaBialasiewicz from Getty Images Pro

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    mocha_lattes_ This is what I'd be saying. Why would you want a recipe from me if I'm not a real cook? Grandma wasn't a real cook either so it's not real. (Unless grandma was actually a cook then you have to rework it)
    via u/mocha_lattes_

  • Right, grandma also wasn't a “real cook” by her standards. Why would she be interested in her recipe?

  • 16
    measaqueen If Grandma wanted her to have it she would have given it to her. Obviously Grandma knew who the real cook was.
    via u/measaqueen
  • 17
    wanderer866 NTA. I got a pettier* option. "Sorry, I'd only share my recipe with a real Pinterest Chef. You know, someone who took conent creation courses so they could become a real influencer."
    via u/wanderer866
  • 18
    RandoCollision Better yet: "Why would I share the recipe with an alleged Pinterest chef who only has 73 followers?" Hit her where it hurts.
    via u/RandoCollision
  • 19
    Clunis_Kanwaljit OP trust me, I really wanted to say something like that lol. But I kept it civil and just said I wasn't comfortable sharing. figured if she didn't respect the work behind it, she probably wouldn't respect the recipe either
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit
  • 20
    Mba1956 You could also share the recipe without your tweaks to improve it, or 'accidentally' miss out an ingredient or accidentally' get teaspoons and tablespoons mixed up somewhere.
    via u/Mba1956
  • 21
    BonitaPop NTA. Funny how she calls you "not a real cook" until she needs your secrets. The audacity is stunning.
    via u/BonitaPop
  • 22
    sofiakitcup EXACTLYYY Imao like she suddenly respectin the recipe now huh
    via u/sofiakitcup
  • 23
    Clunis_Kanwaljit OP right?? That's what blew my mind. she's rolled her eyes at what I do more than once but now suddenly wants my "not real" food for her party? hard not to feel like she only values it when it's convenient lol
    via u/Clunis_Kanwaljit

  • You cannot be so candidly mean to someone, their business, and their work and then expect favors from them! This is just beyond entitled.

  • 24
    Ambitious-Border-906 There is a middle way here: If the family recipe was passed to you and you have put your own spin on it, give her the family recipe and not yours.
    via u/Ambitious-Border-906
  • 25
    That way, no one can accuse you of withholding a family tradition and you aren't sharing your recipe either someone who has mocked you. Win/win!
    via u/Ambitious-Border-906
  • 26
    pieville31313 This is what I would do. Give her the original recipe, keep the improvements to myself.
    via u/pieville31313
  • 27
    Soft-Statement-4933 It's not petty. If someone has been disrespectful, you have the perfect right to say no when the person asks for something. There should be consequences for nasty people.
    via u/Soft-Statement-4933
  • 28
    MoomahTheQueen Keep the peace but miss out one important ingredient when sharing. Ooops!
    via u/MoomahTheQueen
  • 29
    JupiterSkyFalls No, cuz that's OPs name and reputation on the line when the cousin or whoever is bragging before everyone eats. Bad plan, especially since OP runs their own catering business. You want good word of mouth, not the opposite.
    via u/JupiterSkyFalls
  • 30
    Applesplosion No one is going to judge a business by food some random family member claiming they used the same recipe made at a dinner party.
    via u/Applesplosion

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relationship advice family drama cooking recipe family feud relationships love entitled family cousins entitled people
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