Guys You'll Meet At The Galactic Federation

• E.T.: The Heartthrob

  
  via cheezcake

  
  

  As the star of the film that made earthlings consider friendship with aliens, E.T. is quite the heartthrob celebrity back on his home planet. As his arm candy, you'll know everyone who's anyone in the Galactic Federation. He may not speak English (or any other human language), but words mean nothing when you have body language to work with. His glowing finger seems like it might work some wonders. The only downside? He's dying to get back home - places to be, aliens to see, and more cult classic movies to star in.

  
  

• Advertisement

• Baby Yoda: The Hopeless Romantic

  
  via cheezcake

  
  

  This guy wears his alien heart on his sleeve. He doesn't want another face from his own planet, he doesn't want just anyone to hold, he doesn't want his love to go to waste, he wants YOU and your beautiful earthly soul.

  He just wants to snuggle close to you during a Star Wars marathon, keep you warm with his out-of-this-world body heat during the winter, and envelope you in chocolate, strawberries, and sweatpants when you're on your period (menstruation doesn't exist on his planet, but he's eager to understand everything about you). He can't wait to grow old with you - in both human and alien years.

  
  

  
  

• Thor: The Ladies Man

  
  via cheezcake

  
  

  He may pass for one sexy human (with an uncanny resemblance to Chris Hemsworth), but no earthly being could compare to his super strength, speed, and endurance, which is commonplace on his planet. As a brawny thunder God, you already know he brings the thunder in bed. If you're feeling experimental, have him whip out his enchanted, erotic hammer to spice things up. And with his super endurance, he'll keep it going all night long.

  With this sex god alien, you'll always be unleashing your inner Britney Spears, screaming "gimme, gimme more, Thor!"

  
  

• Kanye West: The Wild Card

  
  via cheezcake

  His ideas are a little out of this world, but cut him some slack - he's foreign to these parts of the universe. Even though he talks a lot about his questionable ideology, and of course, himself, he still shows you a wildly good time.

  For your first date, he knows "a bar out in Mars where they driving spaceships instead of cars." His gameplan is to "cop a Prada space suit about the stars, get stupid high, straight up out the jars." Then, he intends to "disrobe you" and "probe you" because he "abducted you" so he "tells you what to do." Talk about a weird first date. Still sounds kinky enough for you to be into it.

• Advertisement

• Gremlin: The Party Animal

  
  via cheezcake

  
  

  This guy is a cute soft-boi at first, but don't be fooled by his innocent persona. Spend one night with them, and he will unleash his wild side seemingly out of nowhere. While technology is far more superior on his planet, he finds Earth's potions and magical sprinkles absolutely mind-blowing.

  Which is exactly why you gotta keep him away from booze, coke, and EDM past midnight. If his alien body is exposed to these elements, the results will be 15 times worse than the average Finance Bro on a night out on the town. He's quite literally going to be bouncing off the walls, destroying everything in his path. Think about if you're down for this kinda high energy long-term because he'll never stop. Prep yourself before you wreck yourself with this crazy species.

  Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our YouTube Channel

  
  

  
  

  
  

Tags