With the myriad of personalities out there in the dating world, one is likely to encounter the ubiquitous stage-5 clinger. A stage-5 clinger is a person who is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. After one date they are already planning your wedding or can lose their shit if their text isn't replied to in what they deem a timely manner. We receive many stories of these bothersome specimens in particular, so here is a list of 7 times a date was a complete stage-5 clinger, compliments of The Single Society!
Went out with a girl I met on Bumble. Not even an hour into the evening she shared with me how she wasn't looking to waste time and explained to me that she wanted to get her eggs/hormones checked out and if I was interested in seeing her again, would I be open to getting my sperm count checked as well.
Met a guy on Tinder around the Thanksgiving holiday. I am Australian so I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. By the end of our date, he asked me if I would take a 5-hour drive with him to spend the holiday with his family. I told him I thought it was a little soon for an overnight trip since we just met. He went nuts on me and told me I was wasting his time and clearly wasn't looking for something serious.
I went on a date with a guy and it went really well! After the date, I went home (alone) and got into bed. He texted me that he had a great evening and I said I enjoyed myself as well. Then he called me. I answered and he wanted to…talk. We talked for a few minutes and I told him I wanted to go to sleep. I woke up to a text from him asking me to let him know when I was free to talk. I asked him if something was wrong. Nope. He just wanted to talk. I told him I wasn't much of a phone talker and he sarcastically apologized for 'actually being a nice guy' and wanting to put some effort in.
While out on a date with a guy and when we were wrapping things up he told me he would like to see me again…because he 'could see himself falling deeply in love with me.' Too much too soon, bro.
I sat down for drinks on a first date with a guy. He immediately brought up his kids (I knew that he had them as they were pictured in his profile) and in a very aggressive tone told me that 'if I was not prepared to be a step-mother and take on his kids as my own then we should probably not waste our time. We hadn't even ordered drinks yet!
I met a girl online and the date went pretty well, so by the end of the night, I asked her what her schedule looked like the following week so we could make a plan for a second date. We picked a day and decided what we were going to do. Several minutes later she asked, "So, does this mean you are going to delete your dating apps?" I was quite taken aback and when I didn't give her the answer she wanted immediately her mood COMPLETELY changed.
I met up with this guy for the first time downtown somewhere and we were going to take a walk and find a place to grab a drink. Right when we started walking he grabbed my hand. I felt awkward holding hands when we just met so I sort of started playing with my hair and my purse…anything to keep my hand busy so he didn't grab it. Then he started walking with his hand around my waist. I finally said something about wanting a little bit of personal space and he told me he didn't realize he was on a date with a kindergartener.
Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our TikTok @cheezcaked