Dad Creates Funny List Of How To Hack Basic Life Skills While Holding A Baby

For many new parents, the magic of having brought a new life into this world is almost unimaginable. You start to plan all kinds of activities and outings under the assumption that you will never grow tired of your little bundle of joy. You wake up every morning longing to grab your child and dance like no one's watching. Oh, you sweet, innocent, naive little fawn. Wait a couple of weeks and reality will set in. Once you have kids they're with you everywhere. You're either holding them or they're climbing on you. You try to get a moment's peace but they're grabbing your shin and hanging on for dear life. Somehow they never get tired of it. How do they never get tired of it??

So, to help new parents cope with the growth of a new appendage in the shape of their child, we put together a list of all the awesome things you can do while holding your baby.

Posted by adamdavis

Shopping

Let's start off with an easy one. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to come between me and my weekly Target visits. You could strap a child to each one of my limbs, my torso, back, and forehead, and I'd still be flying up and down the aisles buying Christmas wreaths in July. Once I start pushing one of those red carts and pick up a macchiato from the Starbucks near the entrance it's as if all my troubles (and children) disappear.

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Eating

What parent can honestly say they've never eaten a crumb off their unsuspecting child's head? Whether it's dads with a baby carrier or moms while nursing. We're all guilty. Hey, we gotta eat and if the kid is sleeping peacefully it's a victimless crime. Plus, you're directly responsible for how clean your child is so the 5-second rule just got a whole lot of leeway (we won't judge).

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Enjoying a Cold One

You only need one hand to toss back some alcohol, so this should be a breeze. But don't just stop there, you need to focus on the big picture. Why do you think baby carriers were invented? To free up your hands for a beer or cocktail that has been calling your name ever since little Timmy jumped on your bed at 5:43 am. Yeah, you're damn right that I deserve this! I'm going to call it Mom's special juice and enjoy every sip of it just out of my child's reach. Who said parenting was hard? #Roseallday

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Getting Those Reps In

Even with dad bods being all the rage, you can't give up on your fitness just because you had a kid. It's time to get crafty. Arm curls, squats, deadlifts - the possibilities are endless for workouts using your adorable little kettlebell in a onesie. And the best part is that the more your baby grows, the more you can increase your gains. Did you feed the kid some extra formula? Boom that's a new PR for you and your biceps.

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Using the Bathroom

No one's proud of this one. But I'm also not going to act like I never do this. When you gotta go you gotta go and frankly it's not that difficult to pee while holding a baby. There, I said it. For some reason, once they get older they're just going to want to join you in the bathroom anyway so just make it a habit from day one.

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Saving the Galaxy

Okay, I'll come clean. I haven't actually tried this one (yet). But with all the hype around this show it just makes us want to believe that we can. Listen, let's be real. You're a parent. You're keeping a human being alive. Every. Single. Day. That's basically the 21st century equivalent of saving the galaxy 365 times a year. So give yourself a pat on the back, pick up your kid and head out on some wild adventures because you can.
Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our YouTube Channel

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Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our TikTok @cheezcaked