AskReddit Thread: Funniest Things That Recruits Ever Said

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mattstaff
Apr 23, 2021 10:00 AM EDT

This fun AskReddit thread has drill sergeants describing the funniest things that they ever heard recruits say. It makes enough sense that recruits would be apt to spew off some nonsensical things while under the pressure of a new environment, brimming with all kinds of emotional and physical tests. You've probably got to learn to hold a firm grasp on a solid sense of humor. 

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  • 01
    Font - kcsapper · 1d 3 20 Awards Asked a private the difference between cover and concealment. Private said : "Drill Sergeant! You asked what seems like a very important question which I am supposed to know the answer. However this private was imagining not being called on, and was not paying attention to the question! Drill Sergeant !!" G Reply 1 39.0k 3 ...
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  • 02
    Rectangle - busdriverjoe · 1d O 21 Awards I ordered the platoon to form up facing West. One troop asked, "Master corporal, our West or your West?" I just walked away angrily and let his peers sort him out. I came out of my office and they were facing East... G Reply 1 38.9k 3 ...
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  • 03
    Font - USArmyJoe • 1d 3 4 Awards One of my buddies has some amazing stories from DS time. My favorite was about a pair of trainees walking down the sidewalk towards an officer. The one trainee (A) was carrying a large box with both hands, and the other (B) was walking to his right and had nothing in his hands. The officer was getting ready to return the salute he knew was incoming, but the two trainees were visibly freaking out - how could A salute with both hands occupied? B got the bright idea
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  • 04
    Font - BlacklsTheSoul · 1d 3 Awards I feel bad for the guy but I gotta say it. His last name was Smellie. As in, "smelly". So when I had him come into the class for the orientation/admin day the very first day, I ask everyone to stand up and give their rank, name, serial number. So when I heard "Private Smellie", I lost it. I felt so bad for the guy. Edit: I don't know what fully came of Smellie, but this was back in 2007 and I had heard he didn't make it through BMQ, and VR'd (voluntary release
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  • 05
    Font - 9 ghost_of_ps4 • 1d 3 Awards In basic training, stood by our beds, inspection of Platoon Commander. In she comes, walks around, asks everyone questions. Guy next to me, who I'm still mates with now, got asked what he did before he joined. He answered, proud as lunch and for everyone to hear, "I sold condoms and nuts, ma'am." Her and the Corporals just started laughing, couldn't help it. G Reply 4 20.4k 3 ...
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  • 06
    Font - jeep_rider • 1d Marching the troops back to the barracks after lunch, I noticed a recruit with a white stain on his hip pocket. I halted the platoon and got in the recruits face. Me: "recruit, that white stain on your shirt better be because you are excited for this afternoons training" Recruit "no Sgt. I am saving my snack for later" Me: "what snack are you saving?" Recruit "ice cream" G Reply 4 5.1k 3 ...
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  • 07
    Font - RepairmanJacked • 1d Obligatory not a drill sergeant. But I was US Infantry, serving in Korea. We were part of a mixed US/Korea unit, and during a briefing, one of the Korean soldiers fell asleep. Our sergeant wakes him up and begins screaming at him. The soldier said "No Sergeant, you got it all wrong. In Korea, it's a sign of respect to listen with your eyes closed, because then you have no other distractions." The sergeant bought it, and as soon as the meeting was over and the sergeant
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  • 08
    Font - Assod101 · 1d 8 Awards Went to Boot Camp (Marines) in 2005. There was no room for bullshit back then, and I assume that is still the case. Well about halfway through Boot Camp one night we finish everything and are in our racks to sleep. The moment the Drill Instructor flips the light switch off one of the recruits yells across the Squad bay "Goodnight Sir!". So simple, so stupid, yet so absolutely hilarious. We spent the next 30 minutes getting ITed in the dark. I still look back at the
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  • 09
    Font - jdoghenderson • 1d 1 Award During inspection the section leader would walk up to every recruit and look them over for issues with their uniform. Everyone had a cap badge on their beret and it's supposed to be over the left eyebrow. Unfortunately for me when I put my beret on the cap badge was directly in the middle of my head. Sgt walks up to me , stares me in the eye and says " Pvt. X are you the mythical cyclops of the underworld? " quite a few push ups later and a lot of humiliation I
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  • 10
    Font - JustAnAverageGuy • 1d 16 Awards I had a recruit I nicknamed giggles, as she couldn't help but giggle anytime anything was happening or we were just still. I came up with a rule that anytime I caught her, she had to tell me a joke, and if it sucked her whole squad had to push. Formation just before chow, we were sharking, and sure enough giggles starts her thing. "Alright giggles, let's hear it". Her response: "How do you get an elephant in the subway?" "No clue giggles. How do you get an
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  • 11
    Font - Lam_BrokenCog • 1d 2002? I was just one of the recruits. Army Basic, Ft. Leondard Wood. One of the field training days for learning some piece of gear ... don't remember what. Drill Sergeant calls on Recruit to sit the chair as a demonstration. Recruit obliges, obviously. DS walking around talking, explaining, platoon sitting in large circle around chair/DS. Almost as soon as DS starts talking, Recruit's head is nodding off. By the time DS get's back around front Recruit is asleep. That's
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  • 12
    Font - 1WomanSOP. 1d 3 Awards Obligatory not a DS: We were on the grenade training range in groups of 3. This is where there are various stations where you and your group have to throw dummy grenades at things. When you're the one throwing, you were supposed to yell to your group: "Cover me while I throw my grenade!" This one guy from the south with an accent to match yelled "Cover me while I throw this here grenade!" before he lobbed it. I had never seen the DS monitoring that station laugh so
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humor military askreddit ridiculous army Reddit funny
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