After a year of being holed up inside with your S/O, you're ready to make your debut out in the world again as a
boring, washed-out power couple. You can't wait to reunite with your friends again for Vaxxed and Waxed Summer 2021, full of never-ending nights under city lights and stars, as well as a never-ending supply of White Claw fuel. And you feel the exact same way about your boyfriend's friends… or do you?
What's that? Quarantine might have been a blessing in disguise because at least you didn't have to listen to Jason and Mason drone on and on about their expensive dream cars, which they'll never actually be able to afford since they spend all their money on drunchies at Taco Bell, Fantasy Football, and video games? Yeah, that's what we thought.
You already had to get past your boyfriend's weird quirks, and now he expects to accept his buddies and their unique form of dumbassery? No thanks! We got you covered with an arsenal of tips to successfully get out of hanging out with these duds, stat.
Preferably a cat, because if you get a dog, your boyfriend could always tell you to bring the dog along to one of his bro-downs, especially because guys are known to love all the doggos. They might even demand your presence once you have an adorable puppy, and we can't possibly have that. Adopt one vicious kitty, the type of cat that hates everyone but you. That way, they'll fear coming over, and your BF will have to host his beloved Call of Duty tournament elsewhere.
Continuously make plans with your own friends on the same nights he made plans with his, feigning that you totally forgot that you were meant to go to that with him. Sign up for all the post-work classes you can think of: yoga, dance, knitting, cooking, book club - anything goes! Pay for these classes way in advance and you're golden.
"Sorry babe, I already booked twelve weeks of Hot Yoga And Hot Fries months ago. So bummed I'll be missing out on poker night until further notice."
There have been endless amounts of times that your dude didn't wanna hang out with your friends either. Start keeping tabs on how many times he cancels on nights out with your girls to use as ammo in the future. If he ever argues that Mason and Jason mentioned that they haven't seen you in ages, bring up that one time Hannah and Savannah missed his presence so much on the latest shopping spree. That'll shut him up real quick.
If all else fails, make his friends feel hella uncomfortable when you're around. Show up to the sports bar in the wrong team's jersey. Pretend to get so into the game that you block their view. Shove chicken wings and barbecue sauce into your face in such a gross, unladylike way that even the nastiest of his friends will be disgusted. Right after the loudest burp of your life, announce the following: "I gotta take a massive dump, can one of you gentlemen please show me to the ladies' room?" They'll be running for the hills, and you'll be golden.
If they're somehow still accepting of you, you gotta step up your game. And by that I mean, your matchmaking game. Set up your friends with his friends, and suddenly, his friends will be too preoccupied with their newly found significant others to make plans with your boyfriend. Whenever they do have time for your boyfriend, they'll bring their girlfriends (AKA your friends) along, and you'll be a happy camper, too.
As a last resort, try being honest with him. You're your own person with your own plans, and those plans don't include hanging out with his friends. You're just not in the mood right now. Or ever. But that's something you'll bring up at a different time. Besides, his friends can't be that bad… right? Find that one homie that you somewhat vibe with, and only say yes to plans that involve hanging out with him. That way, you'll appear to be dedicating time to his friends, when it's really just about "me" time. Girlfriend for the win!
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