The Dumbest Utterances People Have Heard

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Aug 8, 2021 8:00 AM EDT

We shouldn't stress ourselves out by trying to sound brilliant all the time, but we also need to understand the dangers of not thinking about anything we say. Because people say some really dumb things. Every day, people reveal their mind-blowing ignorance, or mind-blowing ability to say something completely ridiculous and go down in history as the big ol' dummy of the friend group. We've collected quite a few of the dumbest things people have heard anyone say from a r/AskReddit post, and the answers are about as fascinating as it gets. From the hilariously memorable quote "London is the Paris of New York" to the person who hadn't heard of the sinking of the Titanic in 1912, this kind of stuff make people shake in their boots from embarrassment — but provides us with endless entertainment.

Remember to be smart when you open your mouth, or else you too will join the ranks of the dumbest things people have ever heard. Don't become the source of someone else's facepalm moments.

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  • 01
    Font - Cattangel63 - 16h My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response "I don't believe in skin cancer". This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because "they are bad for you".
    via AskReddit
  • 02
    Font - dancingtreepose - 18h Me: "OMG, today a 4th grade student asked me whether the boy cows or the girl cows lay eggs? Where do I even start!" Adult friend: "What do you mean? Just keep it simple and tell him the girl cows."
    via AskReddit
  • 03
    Smile - Charlotte-De-litt - 16h 4e 3 3 E 3 "London is the Paris of New York", said my friend after a few drinks. We never let him forget it.
    via AskReddit
  • 04
    Font - gothiclg - 16h O 6 a & 12 More 26 e & 12 More I'm partially deaf. I've been partially deaf since I was 3 years old and I've been slowly but surely getting more deaf. I had a manager tell me I needed to "work harder" to get over my hearing loss, there was genuinely no concept of hearing loss being permanent in some cases and no amount of working harder would get rid of it.
    via AskReddit
  • 05
    Font - diiejso - 18h 4 I was in a Warby Parker one day and there was a married couple being waited on ahead of me. I'd guess they were both maybe 50. The sales guy was showing them a pair of transition lenses and the man just could not understand them. The sales guy tried to explain them. His wife tried to explain them. He just kept replying "but I don't understand how they give you night vision?" They brought him outside to show him how they lenses darken in sunlight so you don't need a separat
    via AskReddit
  • 06
    Font - spooky_panic - 16h 2 e3 3 5 I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals (BIG pretty chunks of amethyst). One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling "Don't touch that! It's Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma!!" She was genuinely upset...I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one.
    via AskReddit
  • 07
    Organism - MRDTB1970 - 16h S 2 E 2 Leaving the movie “Titanic" in 1997; I passed a person and overheard them say, "That movie was so unrealistic, no ship like that would sink." Legit hadn't heard of the sinking of the Titanic and thought the events in the movie were fiction.
    via AskReddit
  • 08
    Smile - Wisebutt98 · 17h e S A woman I know adopted a baby from an Eastern European country. Someone who worked in our city's education system said "But when she grows up, how will you understand what she's saying?"
    via AskReddit
  • 09
    Smile - thats_up_top - 16h "How do left handed people drive?" -my sister As she then proceeded to try and drive "left footed"
    via AskReddit
  • 10
    Font - Gold_Champion6409 · 18h you're not asian, you're chinese
    via AskReddit
  • 11
    Smile - ChemicalHedgehog6 - 17h e S "I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted" 23year old in one of my uni classes.
    via AskReddit
  • 12
    Automotive lighting - TonyHawks_Watermelon · 17h "What's chicken made out of?" -my dumbass of an older brother
    via AskReddit
  • 13
    Font - Foreign_Ingenuity_28 - 17h A roommate had to walk to work 2 km in the sun. He asks me how he'd stop his head getting burnt... and asked me for advice on how to put sunscreen in his hair. I suggested a hat. He was floored (mouth dropped open) and thought it was a great solution. He told me I was so clever. Haha.
    via AskReddit
  • 14
    Font - Bork60 · 17h I was working midnights back in the 80's. it was almost dawn and a few of us were hanging out in the parking lot. Venus was blazing away in the pre dawn sky. I pointed it out to my co-workers and how it was easy to find in the sky. it's positioning in relation to the sun when I got interrupted by one of the guys standing there. He was pretty adamant that the sun revolved around the earth.
    via AskReddit
  • 15
    Human body - Musketeer00 · 16h "Gold isn't a metal because it isn't magnetic." - while working on an aluminum engine that he fully accepted as metal
    via AskReddit
  • 16
    Font - PontificatingBro - 15h e Overhearing a conversation on a cruise deck between two people: "Look at how many stars there are out there." "Yeah, they're actually pretty big too. If one crashed all the way in the water over there, it bet it would splash us over here"
    via AskReddit
  • 17
    Font - Alisaurusrex82 · 16h "Tampons have asbestos in them to make you bleed more so you need to buy more of them," from a girl at a bar, roughly 2003/2004. I just laughed and said "Where'd you hear that, on the internet?" as this was the era of chain emails and non-facts floating around online. Not surprisingly, yes, she did read it online.
    via AskReddit
  • 18
    Font - koastiebratt · 15h "Kansas isn't a real state. Hahaha.. it was in the wizard of oz" in sophomore year of high school I heard this..
    via AskReddit
  • 19
    Font - Bushtuckapenguin - 16h - edited 9h 2 It's not the stupidest but it's the most recent ones to mind. I'm a vettech and was giving dischargen instructions a dog after a neuter. Owner after dog neuter - So where are his stitches? Me- Oh between his legs. Him- His front legs or back legs. Me-..His back legs. Where do you keep your testicles sir?
    via AskReddit
  • 20
    Font - FlashingAppleby - 15h S E My very diabetic friend had dangerously high blood sugar levels and was in the emergency room. When she was starting to feel better and expressed that she was hungry, the nurse brought her a white bread ham sandwich, banana and juice box. When my friend said "I can't eat this, it's literally all sugar" the nurse looked her dead in the face and replied "I don't know what you people can eat. Do you want an extra juice box?. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't i
    via AskReddit
  • 21
    Font - morgen_benner · 16h "I think being cryogenically frozen would be cool because you could see the future. I'd have to bring a space heater or a blanket or something though. I don't like being cold." -Star basketball player in my high school health class.
    via AskReddit
  • 22
    Human body - toasterbathparty · 17h - edited 3h I asked my student why she missed 5 weeks of class and she said- while looking me dead in the eye- that she had a nosebleed.
    via AskReddit
  • 23
    Font - LetsNotandSayWeDidOk · 16h My mom told me to lick my teeth regularly to straighten them out. I've spent about 6k and 2.5 years in invisalign because she was convinced I could literally lick my teeth straight.
    via AskReddit
  • 24
    Gesture - justthekoufax · 16h I once had to explain to a call center colleague that Blood Oranges are not like Blood Diamonds.
    via AskReddit
  • 25
    Smile - Toll_House69 · 16h My uncle once said plastic isn't bad for the environment because "it's not like it's not of the earth. Everything in it came from here" I responded with "same with nukes" and he changed the subject
    via AskReddit
  • 26
    Hair - painfully--average · 17h e 3 8 2 When Muhammad Ali died a friend of mine asked "isn't that the leader of ISIS?"
    via AskReddit

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hilarious wtf moron facepalm lol ridiculous dumb idiots funny awful stupid
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