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01
You’ve Got Mail
I get that people like Tom Hanks. Like, I get it, he's a nice man. But Meg Ryan is already in a relationship when she meets him, with like, a way better guy. Greg Kinnear is better-looking, he cares about small businesses and admires her work, and he also didn't literally take away Meg's livelihood. I'm just saying if they'd gone to therapy, they could have definitely rekindled their spark and Meg wouldn't have ended up with a man who she'll definitely resent in the long run.
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02
Moonstruck
The thesis of this movie is, "don't marry someone you love. If you love them, being with them is way harder." And honestly? True. You're not gonna hack into your guy's phone or threaten his female Facebook friends if you don't even love him! (That's what love is like, right? I get all my relationship advice from the sh*tty parts of Reddit, so I assume yes.) Anyway, in this movie Cher leaves her fiance for Nicolas Cage, who as we all know is literally unhinged. Cher, baby, just go to therapy and learn to be with your fiance...you already promised to marry him, and as an added bonus, he won't try to steal the Declaration of Independence to find a treasure map.
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03
Something Borrowed
To my memory, Something Borrowed is a stupid movie. The main character (Rachel) has like four years to get with her crush but she never does. Then the crush and Rachel's best friend (Kate Hudson) get engaged...and THEN all of a sudden the crush is like, so into Rachel and they can't resist each other. This is not how good relationships start, people!! Clearly the guy just needed to get some help with his pre-wedding anxiety and then we could have avoided breaking sweet Kate's heart.
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04
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I know the movie is about a breakup. But both Jason Segal and Kristen Bell do a TERRIBLE job of moving on. Like, Kristen gets herpes? Jason hurts Mila Kunis's feelings? Just stay together, for crying out loud! I'm sure if they'd given therapy a go they would have been able to make things work. Kristen would be like, "I don't like it when you eat cereal naked," and Jason would be like "fine, but be less judgy" and then they would live happily ever after the end.
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05
It’s Complicated
Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep play a divorced couple who have a steamy affair with each other. It's an affair because Alec is remarried. And you gotta wonder, if they have this much chemistry, why'd they even get divorced? Seriously, people just break up without even trying in movies and I'm sick of it. Doesn't anyone care about keeping couples' therapists employed? If everyone lived like they do on TV these poor trained professionals would be out of a job. Is that really a burden you want to bear, Meryl? Huh? Is it? Are YOU gonna pay their bills?
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06
Something’s Gotta Give
In this movie, Diane Keaton gets the chance to marry FRICKIN' KEANU REEVES, who is a DOCTOR, and she instead chooses Jack Nicholson, who is an a**hole. If that doesn't scream "I NEED THERAPY," then I don't know what does.
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