Tumblr Thread: Unbelievable Stories Of Australian Birds Being Jerks

So… every pet owners knows that animals can be total jerks. They just can. It's fine to admit it. That doesn't make us love them any less. In fact, if those moments of insanity didn't happen, we would all just be bored all the time. But it's not just cats and dogs who are jerks, you need to understand. Birds. Birds are huge jerks sometimes. Parrots are jerks with no sense of self preservation. Even peacocks can be jerks. 

But there is one type of bird that is extra special. And that's the Australian bird. No, not a specific kind, just all Australian birds. Have you not seen those videos of Australian cockatoos biting kangaroos' tails and stealing their food? That's a normal occurrence in Australia. And it is far, far from being the only one. 

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky Mariel Ruvinsky
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    Bird - foxhounders-deactivated20160813 my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit motherfucking australia EELEE S0
    via foxhounders

    Oh goodness, the second-hand pain we feel from looking at this picture is intense. Imagine coming home and seeing a bird that isn't even yours peck away at all of the keys on your keyboard. Oh, the pain. Oh, we would have cried so much. 

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  • 02
    Font - amour-vengeance if there was a post to describe australia, this is it soloontherocks wait. you mean to tell me this isn't even a pet bird? that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up? fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
    via foxhounders

    Honestly, the more we hear about Australian birds (and all other Australian animals, quite frankly), the more we never want to visit. But then, a picture of a koala comes out of nowhere, and suddenly, Australia doesn't look so heckin' bad anymore. 

  • 03
    Font - lumoslouis wake up australia derinthemadscientist That's what birds do They fly around and fuck shit Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
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    Font - kennilworthy-thisp Follow It's cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel. happyvegetable Follow Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do meganiun yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
    via foxhounders
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  • 05
    Font - millshouse why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they're going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called "swooping season" and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it's fucking brutal. sociopathic-italian-grandmas My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids
    via foxhounders
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    Font - gallifrey-feels no but when you're 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange ecnamor-lacimehc-ym what the actual fuck australia priscellie Follow I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the jo
    via foxhounders
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    Sky - seananmcguire Follow Nope. Went there. Parrots tried to take our car. Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.
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  • 08
    Font - elidyce Follow Interesting thing about magpies - they're not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they're usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but n
    via foxhounders
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    Font - There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of way to be polite to the magpies - carefully my walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of 'hello birdie' before swooping season started.
    via foxhounders
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    Font - I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said 'hello birdie' to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.
    via foxhounders
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    Font - reversingyourpolarity Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. i-am-now-gargamel They lost a war against emus. The the magpie stories are unsurprising. apictureofspace Follow what... what happened with the emus bobcatmoran Follow The Great Emu War of 1932: https:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War
    via foxhounders
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    Product - gabygirl1243 Follow Emu War Fram Wikipeda. he fe encydopede The Emu War atso known as the Great Emu War was a nusance wade management mitary operaton undertaken Australia over the tater part af 1932 o address pubic concem over the rumber of emus said to be running anok in the Campion distnct of westerm Austrata The unsuccesstu atempts to curt he populanon of emus, a large tghtess bed indigenous to Australa employed soidies amed with Lewis guns-eading the media to adopt he name Emu Var
    via foxhounders
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    Product - Emu War From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia The Emu War, also known as the Great Emu War (1) was nuisance wildlife management military operation undertaken Emu War in Australia over the latter part of 1932 to address public concern over the number of emus said to be running amok in the Campion district of Western Australia. The unsuccessful attempts to curb the population of emus, a large flightless bird indigenous to Australia, employed soldiers armed with Lewis guns-leading the med
    via foxhounders

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