7 Freaky Dating Stories That Gave Us The Heebie Jeebies

• Sex Shop Boy

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  I don't know what else to call this mystery man other than Sex Shop Boy, because my friend barely exchanged names with him. They matched on Tinder, as so many great love stories waiting to happen begin. He gave himself the nickname "Superman", which should've been the first obnoxious red flag, but did my friend listen to us? No! She went out with the shmuck who drove her, before their lunch plans, to a sex toy shop just to browse around. Call me crazy, but that's creepy.

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• Tech Nerd, Say What?

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  Have you ever been out with someone where the other person just won't shut up? Well, I have. And with a techy nerd to boot. It wasn't that he was even that nerdy, but he had seemingly zero experience dating women before. Wouldn't make eye contact, wouldn't ask me a single question about myself. Just droned on and on about the guidance system him and his fellow engineers have been fiddling with and how it can have huge military applications. He would've fit right into the Big Bang cast.

  
   

• The Hippie of All Hippies

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  I get the look, the appeal, the aesthetic. We all should care a little more about connecting to earth, the very ground we walk on. But not at the expense of walking in barefoot to your coffee date because, "Shoes just aren't for these feet of mine." Yes, Mr. Hippie actually entered the coffee shop we set to meet at, baring all ten of his little piggies and it was not a pleasant sight, to say the least.

  
   

• The Shaming Vegan

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  This one is more or less someone we've all encountered at some point or other. We ate at a vegetarian restaurant, not vegan, so I assumed it was safe to order eggs. I assumed wrong. The lecture didn't begin with eggs, nor did it end there. The insane tirade our shaming vegan went off on involved baby crocs and their uncalled-for electrocution at farms financially backed by Louis Vuitton. Dude, I just wanted some scrambled eggs alongside my virgin mimosa, but now on second thought—waiter—gimme an extra dirty mimosa. I don't even know what that means, but I want it. Now.

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• The Reincarnation-ist

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  We shared similar religious beliefs. He was insightful, smart, very handsome, and above all, witty. That's my speed. So we met up for some street food and some schmoozing, when out of nowhere, he began to relay in excruciating detail the whereabouts of his previous life. It was where we were that triggered the visions, he told me. A food truck park, which used to be a railroad loading station. This wouldn't have bothered me, if he didn't keep going, detailing all the people he's saved in this very spot.I kindly refused all future dates.

• The Cheating Cop

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  This cop was nothing more than a deeply misguided officer of the peace who cheated on my friend many times because his narrow timeframe allowed him to get away with it. If the cop you're dating also dabbles in online poker and the occasional joint puff, maybe consider he's not all that honest in other departments either.

• The Salesman

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  Boy meets girl. Boy tells girl he has a reputable sales job. Boy continues to woo girl by offering empty promises of fun, expensive getaways. Girl falls hard for these pipe dreams, because which chic isn't going to fall head over heels for a spontaneous trip to the French Riviera when things settle down at "The Office" as he puts it. Girl soon realizes he's a salesman at a kiosk in the mall…and that's all she wrote.

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