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Fresh Tweets From Silly and Slightly Twisted Minds of Twitter

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    Black - Benny Feldman @Feldfrog *Roommate recording a lullaby album in his room* *me banging on his door* HEY!! Can you sing a little louder?? I'm trying to sleep!! 11:44 AM 2022-08-11 Twitter for iPhone ... ● 203 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 3,659 Likes
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  • 2
    Organism - Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach SCAM ALERT: people are saying "I know!" when their cat meows at them when in fact they do NOT know!!! 9:20 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone 2,915 Retweets 304 Quote Tweets 30.3K Likes
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    World - Marly @VerbsRProudest Remember "extra credit" in school? | wish I could do that now. "Sorry I missed the meeting last week but here's an essay on frogs to make up for it." 9:43 AM 2022-08-11 Twitter for iPhone ● 87 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 525 Likes
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    Font - Obscura Oculus @ObscuraOculus Ezra Miller is a they/them causing may/ hem 10:05 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter Web App . 223 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 2,944 Likes
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    Font - Kristin Merrilees @kristnmerrilees when you get sent tiktoks to watch it's like friend homework 8:15 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone 4,836 Retweets 589 Quote Tweets 58.2K Likes
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    Font - corie @corietjohnson experiencing workplace abuse (they're making me work) 2:59 PM 2022-08-11 Twitter for iPhone . ●●● 280 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 3,135 Likes
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    Font - David Crosby @thedavidcrosby A medium can communicate with the dead.Imagine what a large could do. 11:54 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPad . 790 Retweets 100 Quote Tweets 10.2K Likes
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    Organism - Isabel @isabelisokay Yeah I play D&D&D&D&D. Dungeons, Dragons, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Roll initiative to enter Flavor Town. 8:53 PM 2022-08-11 Twitter for Android 8,661 Retweets 261 Quote Tweets 70.3K Likes
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    Organism - Lucy Huber @clhubes Every sitcom: So you know how in your late twenties and early 30s, you have this close group of friends that just kind of hangs out at each other's houses all the time? Teenage me: definitely. 30s me: Wait, what 9:08 PM - 2022-08-11 Twitter Web App ... 8,205 Retweets 785 Quote Tweets 144K Likes
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    Organism - Rob the Geek @rob_thegeek Comedians: if you're not offending someone you're not doing comedy right Mitch Hedberg: I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographers fault and that's extra scary to me because there's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside 11:58 AM 2022-08-12 Twitter for iPhone . 2,031 Retweets 65 Quote Tweets 26.2K Likes
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    Purple - Whack, with a silent 'H' @WhackNicholson Nintendo was right. The evil version of being Italian is being French. 3:53 PM 2022-08-11 Twitter for Android ● 1,375 Retweets 65 Quote Tweets 25K Likes
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    Mammal - Cam @matrixreloaded_ (after completing a very small Lego set) feels good to work with your hands, you know? To build something real. 11:16 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone 2,479 Retweets 76 Quote Tweets 30.8K Likes
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    Organism - soul nate @MNateShyamalan founder of costco: [drunk as hell] it's gonna have hot dogs and optometrists 10:31 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone . 33.8K Retweets 876 Quote Tweets 394K Likes
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    Organism - FIRE dan the rock yang @realDANYANG yeah im down for a two party system, the party and the after party 12:49 PM 2022-08-12 Twitter for iPhone 995 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 8,756 Likes
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    Organism - The Boston Strategizer (Tone Setter) @doulbedoink YOOOOOO the enemy of my enemy?! Whats up dude how the fuck have you been?? 8:48 AM 2022-08-08 Twitter for iPhone 648 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 8,366 Likes
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    Font - girl @rollingAblunt yeah im an incel. internet celebrity 11:22 PM 2022-08-05 Twitter for iPhone 514 Retweets 18 Quote Tweets 5,010 Likes
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  • 17
    Font - a-aron @wydccalamity Imagine u in Gotham City and you accidentally buy weed from poison ivy 12:22 PM 2022-08-07. Twitter for iPhone 190 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 4,247 Likes
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    Product - mark @mark19903475 Caught myself smiling at his texts... US Help her 1:34 PM - 2022-08-07 - Twitter for iPhone 1,536 Retweets 89 Quote Tweets 23.5K Likes ...
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    Font - Jack Corbett @jackcorrbit are you gaslighting me for business or for pleasure? 12:33 PM 2022-08-08 - Twitter Web App 434 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 4,661 Likes ...
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    Organism - Fossilized Tree Resin @Jamberee13 I love friendship errands, where you do a little task with a friend by your side for company, like pick up your prescription or stop at the post office or transport a ring of power to Mordor 11:38 AM 2022-08-08 Twitter for iPhone 2,252 Retweets 117 Quote Tweets 21.5K Likes
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    Font - Out of Context Footage of You Sleeping @RockingRoll777 Successful brother-in-law: I just got a promotion at work Me [started talking like an idiot online ironically But now it's a part of who I really am]: Swag! 8:27 PM 2022-08-08 Twitter Web App . 264 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 3,820 Likes
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    Organism - René Brooks | Black Girl, Lost Keys | AD... @blkgirllostkeys ADHD is having the day off and thinking of 1,000 ways to enjoy it, deciding on none of those, and laying frozen by your own inability to choose an activity. 2:42 PM 2022-08-09 Twitter for iPhone 610 Retweets 79 Quote Tweets 2,861 Likes
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  • 23
    Hand - Gio @Palace_gio When you're erotic but poor 10:55 PM 2022-08-08 Twitter for iPhone 2,926 Retweets 349 Quote Tweets 32.8K Likes ...
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    Comfort - The Skinfluencer @angelamavalla When I ask him if he would still love me if I was a slug and he says no: www ji S 8:05 AM 2022-08-09 Twitter for iPhone 6,709 Retweets 605 Quote Tweets 45.3K Likes
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    Font - James @DoctorCrap Gf: babe what's wrong? Me: (just played a mobile game that said my "brain age" was 4) nothing 8:50 PM 2022-08-08. Twitter for iPhone 414 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 8,080 Likes
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    Organism - gentle rain, distant thunder @heretic_acolyte Baby please shut up. I'm imagining myself as a round stone on the bed of a river. I have to do this every day or I'll go crazy 12:31 PM 2022-08-09 Twitter for Android 287 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 1,597 Likes
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    Font - owch @lilowch just got my disassociates degree 12:09 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone ● 661 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 3,035 Likes
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    Font - Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin [telling a joke to a classroom] what does a cowboy cat say? kindergartener: kitty up [about to say meowdy] meo- what the fuck did you just say 11:01 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for Android . 54 Retweets 340 Likes
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    Font - yazmi @74frz if u rlly loved me u wouldn't have dated that girl in high school 4 and a half years before u knew i existed 3:09 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone ● . 3,986 Retweets 374 Quote Tweets 36.4K Likes
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    Organism - a @lolennui by age 30 you should have a few stock market crashes, one 9/11, and a multi year pandemic under your belt 11:38 PM 2022-08-10 Twitter for iPhone 731 Retweets 39 Quote Tweets 8,326 Likes

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