'He told me that I looked like I was trying too hard': Woman gets body shamed by her own fiancé after trying on her Halloween costume

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    Font - AITA for refusing to change my Halloween costume after already buying it? I (23F) have been in a rather healthy relationship for the past 4 years with my fiancé (25M). So surface level things like appearance has never been a problem until now. I have a problem with self image myself and I never dress to show skin. Baggy T-shirts and sweat pants are my go to.
  • 02
    Font - Therapy has helped me though a lot of barriers regarding getting over not liking my body. This year for Halloween we are going on a bar crawl so I decided to step out of my contort zone and buy something that I normally wouldn't wear. The costume is renaissance based, so I have a long cream dress and a bodice that wraps around my waist enhancing my chest area. I have never wore anything like this so it's a huge step!
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    Font - Two days ago my costume was delivered from Amazon so naturally I had to try it on to see if it looked fine and all the pieces fit. For once, I thought I looked beautiful, like I could have been born during the era. Relieved I ran upstairs to my fiancé. The look on his face was devastating to my self esteem and what he's said after completely caught me off guard. He told me that I looked like I was trying too hard and that I needed to cover up more if he was going to go out in public with
  • 04
    Font - I cried and quickly left the room to change out of my costume. I didn't understand and I was very angry since this has never been a problem before. After I had taken it off my fiancé comes downstairs and presses that I return the costume and buy a new one. Flabbergasted in disbelief, I immediately say no and that I would be wearing it Halloween night. After a couple minutes of arguing I put my foot down and told him I was sticking with this costume, if he didn't like it than he didn't hav
  • 05
    Font - sweetpotatopietime 9 hr. ago hole Enthusiast [7] NTA. Think about why he wants you to cover up. So no other guys look at you? So your self-esteem stays low and he can make you believe nobody else will ever want you? Because he is a prude? None of these say great things about him. I'm trying to think of a fourth, benign reason but can't come up with one. 4.2k Reply Share
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    Font - Imaginary-Lack1465 OP. 6 hr. ago A lot of these points make sense, since this is the first time that I have really tried at coming out of my shell He is threatened (I assume) but at the same time I think I can't possibly be attractive enough for him to actually be threatened. Again great points, all of these are amazing since it's allowing me to put my issue aside and see that his reaction was not actually about what I look but about him. 1.5k Reply Share
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    Font - East Deer7419.6 hr. ago Your partner likes you to be insecure and have low self-esteem. Think about that 1.6k Reply Share
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    Font - no Imaginary-Lack1465 OP. 6 hr. ago I am taking that into consideration but until I have a chat with him and figure out the root problems I don't want to make assumptions! 651 Reply Share
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    Font - AnnaBananner82. 5 hr. ago I hate to agree, but yeah. He liked you when you were "sick." He's gonna keep undermining you now that you're becoming healthy. Because you won't be as easy to control. NTA, but put a pause on the engagement. 669 Reply Share
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    Font - Broutythecat 3 hr. ago Bear in mind though, he's never going to say "i want your self esteem to be nonexistent so you'll never think you can do better than me". ↑ 392 ↓ Reply Share
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    Font - Carl__Gordon Jenki ns . 3 hr. ago God, it'd be convenient if that's the way conversations went. I can't help but think of all the time my ex would have saved me if they'd just said: "I'm starting an argument so I can leave, drink too much again and cheat on you." 174 Reply
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    Font - Roux Harbour. 3 hr. ago Partassipant [4] Even if he feels threatened. That's a him problem. I used to think this kind of reaction was what boyfriends would have if they cared. Turns out nah. Guys who love you and who want the best for you (like a good self-esteem) do not tell you to cover up or dictate anything else about your looks. Because they feel happy that you are happy. Your bf is would rather you feel unhappy so he can feel happy. That is bad. 112 Reply
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    Font - ritan7471 2 hr. ago Partsipant [1] OP, read this last paragraph. That is it. He wants you to please him, even if he has to make you feel horrible about yourself so you'll do what he wants. 29 Reply
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    Font - Gwyndion Be careful of gaslighting and ither manipulation tactics. ↑ 95 4 hr. ago Reply
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    Font - eyeohok 3 hr. ago Partassipant [2] chances are that some of your low self esteem is coming from your relationship with him, just in very subtle ways you may not have noticed until this incident. i would have a very careful think about the way he talks to and about you, and look for other subtle ways he might be putting you down or trying to control you. 63 Reply
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    Font - baffled_soap 2 hr. ago Asshole Aficionado [... Think about the words he said. He didn't say, "You look fat / ugly in that." He said, "You look like you're trying too hard." What that means is, "I liked you better in your baggy t-shirts & sweatpants when you had no self- confidence & no one could tell what you look like." Further translation: he doesn't want anyone else to notice that you look good in your Halloween costume. A decent boyfriend, knowing you have self-este issues, would hype

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