'Kevin refuses to read restaurant menus... making the waiter/waitress explain every single dish': Guys shares the dangerously 'ludicrous plans' of his clueless Dad

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 7, 2023 11:00 AM EST

Every Dad is silly in one way or another – that's just part of being a parent! – but this clueless Kevin is the ultimate goofy dad, making dangerous mistakes at every turn. As the OP shared to r/StoriesAboutKevin, his ultra-clueless dad has nearly caused calamity many times throughout the OP's childhood. This Kevin has some weird hangups, from not being able to make beef "stick together" to refusing to read a single menu at a restaurant because he already knows what he wants to order. He sounds exasperating to live with! The OP shared numerous stories of this man's impressive levels of incompetence. 

Keep scrolling down to read all about the ultimate Kevin, then check out this influencer who shared her secrets with an influencer, only to realize her secrets weren't safe at all.

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    Cheezburger Image 9724352256
    via Joshua Kantarges on Unsplash
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    Font - r/StoriesAbout Kevin Posted by u/Putin SluzheSatani 3 days ago My Father Kevin: The One Kevin You'll Never Forget XXXXL 2 My dad is the Kevin in this tale, and my mom the Kevin-handler. Much of my childhood was my mom explaining (often in a futile effort) why Kevin's ludicrous plans didn't make sense. Now, some of these are secondhand stories that I know are true, there's a bit of a "Kevin Expanded Universe" of stories about dumb things he did, mostly from my mom and uncle (Kevin's brothe
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Kevin met my mom in high school- through a in-school suspension, which seems like a good place to start our story. If your school didn't have it, an in-school suspension is basically being sent to the principal for an entire day. It's in between detention and real suspension- even I got a few. Now, Kevin had been sent to the principal after blowing a centrifuge while f around in a science class lab. My mom had been sent there for... smoking. As Kevin got up to leave for the day after serv
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Kevin decided to buy a grill for the house and grill some beef on it. Unfortunately, he bought ground beef and couldn't figure out how to make it stick together, so he just threw the tiny crumbled pieces into the grill, where they burned. In a fit of rage, he threw the grill and set the lawn on fire. That's right, he couldn't make literal ground beef "stick together". Kevin's second grill-related incident (just last month) happened when I was visiting home from college. So, he figured wha
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    When I was younger, Kevin burnt his b and had to go to the hospital (my dad goes to the hospital for accidents at least twice a year, I'm only listing the really crazy ones). How did he burn them? He tried doing a stunt in the kitchen to impress the in-laws, by throwing a cast-iron pan full of frying fish between his legs like a basketball. Kevin insisted that he wouldn't blod if he cut his skin "around the veins". This was his justification for trying to perform a "home tattoo" with a ballpoint
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Kevin had a pathological inability to understand the difference between a tornado watch and warning. If you don't live in the Midwest US, a tornado watch is issued for like a 100 mile by 100 mile area and means tornadoes are possible for the next 12 hours. Warning means there is a confirmed tornado, and is usually issued for the area in the path (usually about a 5 mile by 5 mile area). This is a distinction Kevin COULD NOT understand. Every single time there was a tornado watch he would I
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Kevin went to a chinese restaurant and ordered Dingus. He had to be reminded that the word was "dim sum", not dingus. Given his reaction, he genuinely didn't know, it wasn't a joke. Kevin refuses to read restaurant menus because "if they have what I want I will order it, otherwise I won't order anything." This has resulted in him ordering 100% of the time, making the waiter/waitress explain every single dish. Kevin went skydiving with my mom and got the dive cancelled after, 30 seconds be
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - There was this old cook on TV from the south who used to say "I GAR-ON-TEE" in a ridiculous southern accent. Kevin picked this up (He's from Minnesota...) and would not stop. "Can you get the dishes?" my mom would ask. "I GAR-ON-TEE!". "Can you take OP to school?" He'd reply, "I GAR-ON-TEE!". This went on for a month until my mom Gar-on- teed to punch him if he said it again. My father tried explaining to me, when I was 16, that I should "really have a girlfriend by now." I told him I did
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Kevin bought an ENORMOUS triple computer monitor, like a yard across. Impractically large to use, and my mom was livid when he spent $1600 on it, but the real fury came when it turned out it wouldn't work on our desktop. Why? It was a 2019 monitor setup, and the desktop was the 2006 toaster Kevin has been using with 2010 Linux that Kevin refuses to update. The monitor went to good use when he sold it on eBay and sent it across the country in a gigantic box with no padding, where it arrive
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    My dad was once pulled over by the cops for speeding. 69mph in a 40. He made so many 69 jokes the cop wrote 68 on the ticket. Hey, he could be the Reddit mascot! But there was one final incident that I think really encapsulates Kevin perfectly. It was Christmas eve and his mother (Grandma Kevina) had CO ID (this was back in 2020). We were all together, still, because Kevina didn't believe in quarantine/isolating. My dad bought my mom a $700 piece of jewelry for Christmas. He didn't buy her anyth
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    But back to the story, the story of doom, for poor Kevin's present is about to go boom. He wrapped it up in a hurry and stuck it under the Christmas tree. He had thrown out all the dirty, ☐ masks Grandma had left around, and I'm sure you see where this is going. The time came Christmas morning to open up gifts, and what does my mom get from Kevin but a bloodied, filthy mask! Kevin managed to recover the jewelry from the trash, but not before making a legendary family moment. What kind of bonehea
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    The commenters were feeling this guy's pain from having to deal with an unbelievably silly Dad.

    Font - Zeero92 3 days ago I'm definitely gonna side with the skydiving instructor. The last thing you want to do is f around with skydiving equipment, even for a cheap laugh. All the other stuff just amazes me, though. Like, do I laugh or cry? Reply Share 171 Dr_who_fan94. 3 days ago I worry for OP's gene pool and their sanity
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - FutureMobile4. 3 days ago I've read so many stories about someone marrying/being married to a Kevin or Kevina and I've always wanted to ask them one simple question: "Why?"
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Font - Franklybored 3 days ago Hope you enjoyed reading about my dad more than I have enjoyed experiencing him... It's been a while since I read something this entertaining, thanks for sharing!
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Human body - tinselsnips 3 days ago Your dad may actually be Homer Simpson.
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    Human body - AwesomeXav. 3 days ago There are some very Kevin moments in here
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    This poor mom! She's a hero for sticking with Kevin despite his many flaws.

    Cheezburger Image 9724336640
    via r/StoriesAboutKevin
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    via r/StoriesAboutKevin

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