'It's a huge red flag and you know it': First date gives man the creeps after she spills her invasive 'research'

One guy took to the r/ask subreddit with a burning question after a first date took a strange turn. Is this how dating works in the modern age? 

As he explained, he went on a first date with a woman, and it seemed to be going well. But after the date — and spending the night at her place — he realized that she had spilled a little too much information about him. She had researched him beforehand, and just rattled off all this personal information. At the time, the OP thought it was really weird, and asked the Reddit community if she was justified in researching him beforehand.

In the comments, the OP did add that what his date found was uncovered from publicly available information, like social media. The things she knew about him, like previous states he'd lived in, could be found that way, but she went even further and dug up information about his whole extended family. 

In the comments, people were quite divided on if the woman had gone too far, or if she was justified in researching publicly available information. In today's day and age, you have to do your research before you meet IRL. But there's no need to just lay all that information out on the table from date number one! Just make sure you aren't dating someone with a troubling history. 

Then, check out these cursed lattes and frappucinos that have more sugar and flavoring than coffee. 

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Author image for Remy Millisky Remy Millisky
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  • 01
    Product - 'The date went decent... I played it off but it bothered me.' BUD
    via John Schnobrich on Unsplash.com
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    Font - r/ask. Posted by u/Komplexs 9 days ago Casual first date knew way too much personal information about me and my family. Am I wrong for being upset?
    via r/ask
  • 03
    Font - First date for drinks at a bar off a dating app. She lived a few hours away so it was a casual encounter. Halfway she lists off a ton of personal info about me, where Im from, my family, their occupations, companies, criminal records, bankruptcies, etc Said the background check was mainly for her safety. The date went decent.. Went back to hers and I even crashed for night
    via r/ask
  • 04
    Font - I played it off but It bothered me. I understand a womans need to vet the men they're (casually) dating but felt like my privacy was violated esp with having so much information about my family and I How would you feel?
    via r/ask
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    The comments were divided

    Font - Specialist-Radio9960 9 days ago It is creepy, but also a warning to check out your privacy settings on these sites to try to make it harder Reply Share 91 whatsnewpikachu +2.9 days ago This is good advice. Probably more unsettling that she found everything online.
    via r/ask

    Some people thought the woman was just trying to protect herself and make sure she was safe dating this guy. However, other people thought it was weirdly invasive… or at least not the kind of thing you just come out and say on a first date. 

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    Font - BriarKnave 8 days ago According to comments she didn't need to use a shady background check site, she just scrolled through his instagram friends list. Having that much available to to the open, not to victim blame, is kind of your own fault.
    via r/ask
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    Font - Buddy-Matt 8 days ago I'm shocked I had to scroll more than 2 responses to see this. This isn't a red flag about the date as much it's a red flag about how much personal information OP is sharing online and in public This date was happy to be upfront they'd done background checks. Assuming Internet dating, I'd say that sounds fairly sensible. But what about all the people who haven't. And when it turns out OP's email password is the name of the nan they frequently post info about... Yeesh
    via r/ask
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    Font - thebigbroke 9 days ago I feel like the extent of a dating background check should be to make sure you don't have a criminal record or appear on a registry not a deep dive into your family and friends and places you've lived in the last 10 years
    via r/ask
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    Font - YourEngineerMom 9 days ago I actually assumed she payed some sort of service for this and just was given all the info... but OP said in another comment that she followed a trail off their Instagram account to find this info. I mean, I'm definitely a creep and low-key stalk my friends when I first meet them, but the MOST info I have ever found was like, current criminal status or immediate family members. I don't go this far, and I know I'm being creepy. Why would she SAY it??
    via r/ask
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    Rectangle - whatsnewpikachu 9 days ago +2. That's what I'm saying! We all do it but don't TELL them.
    via r/ask
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    Font - Comprehensive-Ad3963 +1 8 days ago This. She's going on a date, not interviewing you for a federal security clearance. 4 Reply Share CarlyShe Devil · 9 days ago Exactly. That was way more detail than she needed. And there would be no reason for her to share all this with you unless she enjoyed making you feel stalked. Who wants to go on a date and review their previous addresses and siblings' names?
    via r/ask
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    Font - LeilaDFW +29 days ago Same. Seems like a power play and very creepy. 354 Reply Share Komplexs OP. 9 days ago. edited 9 days ago That's what I said.. like I understand the need for safety but that's so creepy. She knew my sister was in the army previous states I've lived, previous addresses. Even asked about a family member that is estranged to us cause we have similar names. Like I didn't want to feel like I'm being judged on a first date. EDIT: Even worse imo, She found my full name thro
    via r/ask
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    Rectangle - trophycloset33 - 9 days ago It sucks man but here is a wake up call. This is all public info. Get it blocked or removed ASAP. 224 Reply Share
    via r/ask
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    Font - ADHDoll 9 days ago edited 8 days ago I background check everyone I date but only to see their criminal record. During the free trial with a background checking app, someone I was seriously talking to had "Aggravated Stalking" on his record. Since then, I started paying for the service monthly. Can I check family history and some financial records, yes. But I don't- unless they have given me a reason to think they are married.
    via r/ask
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    Font - yoshino219 +2.8 days ago What is this background check? I've never heard about this, how can it be possible that you can just pay a random app to learn other person's personal things? I can't wrap my mind around it, like, someone can seriously learn about my financial records and family just like that?
    via r/ask
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    Font - Rough Grapefruit_796 8 days ago I use a background check service to vet customers since I don't want to be stiffed for time/materials on big jobs. You can learn basic info about financial records like properties owned, previous bankruptcies, liens on property, and civil cases involving debt.
    via r/ask
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    Font - Maclean_Braun. 9 days ago I imagine that the background check was mainly for her safety, but it doesn't mean that it's not an uncomfortable feeling knowing a stranger knows details of your life you haven't told them.
    via r/ask
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    Font - Spyderbeast 9 days ago I think anyone doing a little internet research about the virtual stranger they're meeting on a first date is smart. But blabbering all about it ON the first date? Just no, honey. No, it's not wrong she accessed public information to protect herself. She's just an idiot for not keeping it to herself. She's just getting to know you. Whatever the research revealed to her, she should wait, listen, and see if you hang yourself in a provable lie. But hey, y'all ended up
    via r/ask
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    Font - Squash-Reasonable 9 days ago I'm a dude. Most men overestimate how safe they are. You should have noped the f outta there. You may not live very long taking risks like that.
    via r/ask
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    Font - MattR9590 8 days ago To add to that it's always a good idea to do a quick 15 minute social media check before hand, also make sure you are aware of what you are posting online and who can see it.
    via r/ask
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    Font - theorys 9 days ago This is such a man story, it's hilarious. 0% of women would have gone back to crash at some dude's pad after he starts telling his date what her parents do for a living. Reply Share 80 . congrats_its_anxiety 8 days ago Right? I read a story on Reddit recently, posted by a woman, that had a guy she had gone on a date with send flowers to her job. She had never told him where she worked, so it completely creeped her out. It was a nice gesture but knowing where someone liv
    via r/ask
  • 22
    Font - JuicyCactus85 - 8 days ago That happened to me years ago before dating apps or social media. I got an Edible Atrangement at work. Except it had originally gone to another office (same company name) nearby. When I received it the card just said "mangos" and my friend and I were trying to think of who would send it. Minutes later I had realized I had told a guy, that I had went on a date with a week earlier, how much I loved mangos. We had jokingly started listing mangos dishes turning the
    via r/ask
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  • 23
    Font - 01 misterio1 9 days ago Honestly get away. I played it cool when some girl revealed just how much she knew about me cause it felt nice being that liked by someone that pretty, and when it ended surprise surprise she wouldn't leave me alone. Only time I had to say I would get police involved if she didn't stop. Its a huge red flag and you know it Reply Share 21 Professional_Map4351 8 days ago Everyone always frames this as a safety issue for women, completely missing the point that this is
    via r/ask

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