AITA UPDATE: 'She knew I would hate it': Selfish girlfriend repeatedly forgets her BF's birthday and buys him gifts that she ends up stealing, BF retaliates by trashing her latest present and calling her out

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 6, 2023 4:00 PM EDT

For some people, gift giving is their love language. They spend months thinking of thoughtful and useful gifts to give to their loved ones and they hold no bounds when it comes to that particular gift because they want it to be as special as the person they're giving it to. Not everybody is like that. In fact, a lot of people are terrible gift givers, which isn't a flaw in itself, but if you use someone's birthday as an excuse to buy yourself something, that's when you become a jerk. 

One man on Reddit was dating a notoriously bad gift giver. At first, he just thought that it wasn't something she was particularly good at, being as how she was an artistic type, struggled with ADHD, and simply forgot what day it was all the time. However, he started noticing a pattern with his partner when she would buy him terrible gifts and when he left them abandoned, she would take over and use them. Was she simply buying gifts for herself? 

After several occasions of receiving dreadfully awful gifts that she would later take, the man finally snapped. When she asked him if he liked what she bought him (which was some art/craft tool that had nothing to do with the man's real hobbies or interests), he simply stood up and threw it away in the trash outside. Mic drop. 

Things got juicy and unraveled more after the man posted his predicament on Reddit. After she found the original Reddit post, she apologized and revealed that she's actually always FORGOTTEN it was his birthday and would order something on her Amazon page at random so that he would never know she was a last minute shopper. Naturally, Amazon suggestions are all going to be catered to her wants/needs, so now the true problem was revealed. Not only did she forget his birthday, but she simply was just buying gifts for herself.

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  • 01
    Human body - Posted by u/Salty-Pension 300 AITA for trashing the gift my girlfriend got me?
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 02
    Font - Throwaway. So me (28M) and my GF (30F) have been together for 8 years and we have been living together for 4 years. GF has always been the artsy type and always has some personal project going but she has the tendency to get lost in her own world.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 03
    Font - We celebrated my birthday last weekend and she ended up getting me a pencil lengthier. I don't use pencils and the lengthier in question didn't even fit your typical No.2, it was purely for colored pencils, I also don't color.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 04
    Font - When she asked me if I liked it, I just quietly walked outside our home and tossed it in the trash. She was understandably upset and called me an AH for doing that claiming that I could have least tried it.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 05
    Hair - Here's the thing, she has been doing things like this ever since we started living together.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 06
    Font - She has been gifting me things that she likes and ultimately ends up using them. For example, last year she got a packet of Sailor Moon stickers. I don't watch Sailor Moon and she ended up using them all. She also gifted me a jewelry box one time. I don't wear jewelry so guess who's been using it all this time. First world problems at its finest.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 07
    Hair - So its been a few days and she's still upset and has even got both of our parents to berate me for trashing the gift.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 08
    Font - She even admitted she knew I would hate it and was planning on using it after I "calmed down" in a few days, a detail that she did share with others but I am still getting name called. Am I really the AH?
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 09
    Font - She admitted she does this because she wants something but decides to gift it to me to say "I tried". I asked if I gave her a wish list would that help and she said that she would never look and it and well she didn't when I made and sent one to her.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 10
    Font - addisonavenue 11 days ago Partassipant [1] . Yeah, the only thing worse than a partner who gets you nothing repeatedly for birthdays/special events, is a partner who gets you gifts that are not-so-secretly for them
    via addisonavenue
  • 11
    Font - awshucks79 11 days ago My friend's ex did this with their then- elementary school aged son. She's gifted him an 8-person tent, a hot tub, a fridge. Now she's progressed to not getting him anything at all.
    via awshucks79
  • 12
    Font - Noodlefanboi - 11 days ago Asshole Enthusiast [6] A lot of responses in this sub are, "you're NTA, but would you like to know how to become one?". Winning some petty game of s ty gift giving isn't worth sticking around in a terribly 1-sided relationship.
    via Noodlefanboi
  • 13
    Font - Posted by u/Salty-Pension300 4 days ago UPDATE: AITA for trashing the gift my girlfriend got me?
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 14
    Font - Many commentators said that my GF is a narcissist or has some personality disorder. Probably should have mentioned this before but she has ADHD (which she is medicated for) so she has always been pretty scatterbrained.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 15
    Font - However it did get noticeably worse when we moved in together such as blowing plans because she either forgot completely or forgot the part where we agreed on them, or completing forgetting to do any errands or chores because she is just so invested in something, usually an art project.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 16
    Font - There was one comment that resonated with me that said that I must have been conditioned to accept this kind of behavior.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 17
    Font - That is accurate, my parents always instilled into me to be grateful and happy for getting anything at all because they got nothing when they were younger. If I got a sack of S as a gift, I was expected to dance like happy prospector if this at all explains my tolerant/doormat behavior.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 18
    Font - The Update: despite using a throwaway, my GF still found the post. She was very miffed by the responses and tried to vent to her friends but they weren't on her side.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 19
    Font - She then decided to show the post to her and my siblings. They wanted to know if it was true and when confirmed they all yelled at her and they got our respective parents calm down and stop talking about it.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 20
    Human body - She came to me over the weekend and after talking about it since then we kind of worked over several things.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 21
    Font - She recognized that she really did screw up and as an apology she gave me this cool dragon diffuser I've been wanting for a while and a box of all the stuff I was gifted telling me I may do whatever I please with them.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 22
    Font - So when it came down to her selfish gift giving, apparently what she meant by "I tried" was her forgetting about these occasions up until the last minute and not wanting to admit it.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 23
    Font - She hastily gets them off of Amazon from what ever shows up first on her homepage and just hopes I'll like them enough to not say anything negatively and uses them when I won't.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 24
    Font - She refused to look at my wishlist because gifts should be a surprise but when I brought up her list, she had no answer. She said she'll look at mine from now on.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 25
    Font - I don't think this is a deal breaker but it does need to end and well most of you were right, there were other issues. We have agreed to therapy, single and couples which she will pay for. This may not what you were expecting but I think its a good start.
    via Salty-Pension300
  • 26
    Font - DonnaPinci 4 days ago Partassipant [2] So she constantly forgets your bday, and rather than spending 10 mins to find something you might like, she just picks something from her amazon in hopes that you will like it? Wtf
    via DonnaPinci
  • 27
    Font - DatguyMalcolm 3 days ago Asshole Enthusiast [8] Also, she "apologised" only AFTER she realised no one was on her side after her "tour with the post"
    via DatguyMalcom
  • 28
    Cheezburger Image 9751053824
    via u/Canva

Tags

boyfriend aita presents status updates toxic birthday forget gift giving gift selfish forgetful girlfriend First World Problems selfish-girlfriend red flags red flag
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