'It's my money to give': Couple's plans to save for vacation are upended when girlfriend gives $110 to help coworker

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  • 01
    Font - I recently moved into a condo with my girlfriend, getting by alright, but we are in no San W of m "It is my money and it's my doesn't money to give" to bring ge fai re try nor she does CO watch our finances and it's hard because she doesn't want to communicate this with me.
  • 02
    Font - AITA for shouting at my girlfriend for giving away $110 to her coworker. Everyone Sucks So this happened yesterday and I am still so angry about it that I am shaking.
  • 03
    Font - I recently moved into a condo with my girlfriend, Sam. We are getting by alright, but we are in no way wealthy, just better off than most. I take care of most of the finances for us because Sam doesn't like to talk about money. Every time I try to bring up our finances, Sam shuts down or she gets easily agitated. She is like this because her family used to fight over money a lot and she doesn't want that for us. As a result, I have to watch our finances and it's hard because she doesn't w
  • 04
    Font - I've been managing our finances and I've noticed that we haven't been able to save as much as we'd like (we are saving for a trip in Florida). We have an outstanding bill that needs to be paid (the internet) and that will put us back a bit, but not by a heck of a whole lot.
  • 05
    Font - Sam invited her coworkers over to our house yesterday while I was out with my family. One of her coworkers (Daniella) was also there. Daniella's boyfriend passed away recently and she has been struggling to take care of her and her kids. Sam decided to give Daniella $110 as she felt bad for her situation.
  • 06
    Font - I came home a few hours after everyone left and Sam told me what she did. Sam thought I would've been very proud of her but I was furious and she could see it. I tried very hard not to lose my temper, but then Sam said "it is my money and it's my money to give" this really set me off and I said "excuse me, but this is, our money. We pooled our expenses together.
  • 07
    Font - I don't mind it if you gave her some of our coupons, a $20 or some of the gift cards we have, but $110, what the is wrong with you?!" Sam explained that $110 wasn't a lot of money and that's when I told her that because of her action, we are no longer saving money. She then got mad going into different directions and she said things like: money isn't that important; well if you only worked in a better job; ask your family for money.
  • 08
    Font - Sam left for her parents place. She's tried calling me a few times this morning, but truthfullyI don't have it in me right now to talk to her without being mad. Am I wrong though? I understand she was trying to do the right thing, but what really upsets me about this is that she didn't even talk to me about this before giving Daniella the $110. It makes me feel like she doesn't see me as a partner.
  • 09
    Font - Edit: I realize I didn't add this in and I apologize. The money came from our joint account. Edit 2: This has gotten a lot of replies and I appreciate everyone taking the time to write their opinions. I will look into updating after I've spoken with Sam tonight.
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    Font - JsCTmav 1 day ago Certified Proctologist [29] ESH. You are correct, she does not see you as a partner, and refusing to talk about finances is very unhealthy for the relationship. That said, your reaction has only cemented her reasoning for not discussing finances with you. I don't see this lasting unless you can both pull your heads out of your and talk to each other like adults. 14.5k Reply Share
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    Font - Dannydoom3333 1 day ago So a really critical component is off limits because she can't handle it. BS. 4.2k Reply
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    Font - concernedreader1982. 1 day ago ΝΤΑ Clearly Sam has no concept of money or how it works. Its terrible she will not sit down with you and look at the finances to see how it all works and just expects you to pull money out of thin air. You should seriously consider if you want to be in this type of relationship your whole life. ✩ 4.0k Reply Share
  • 13
    Font - Sunny9226 1 day ago NTA. If you are combining finances, she should have discussed it with you. If you decide to continue the relationship, separate your money. You both contribute to a shared bank account to cover bills. You each have your own bank accounts to manage your individual money. 2.3k Reply Share
  • 14
    Font - Laines_Ecossaises. 1 day ago ESH The way you reacted wasn't cool and totally fed into her money-fighting issues. That said she needs to work through those issues because right now she's treating it as Monopoly money with no real idea of how giving money away affects your shared goals. Also is she working? Why doesn't she get a better job? 1.9k Reply Share
  • 15
    Font - thrackus OP 1 day ago She does work but she doesn't like her job and says she sees herself quitting by the end of the year. 731 Reply Share
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    Font - HuskerCard123 23 hr. ago NTA. But, for the record, you are not "better than most" if you aren't paying your bills completely and don't have even 100$ extra in the bank. I'm with you completely on everything, but I don't think either of you are realistic about where you are financially. 852 Reply Share
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    Font - AmbitionEven884. 1 day ago NTA - If she took it from your joint account without discussing it with you than she the You are slightly the for yelling at her, but you both need to sit down and discuss finances and expectations. She may have had issues in the past about finances, but she needs to grow up and deal with it.
  • 18
    Font - She doesn't want to fight over money, did she think you would be okay with just having $68 in your account. She is the money from a joint account and not for taking discussing it with you, she should have taken it from her account. 537 Reply Share
  • 19
    Font - YouSayWotNow 1 day ago I know people say that romance / love conquers all but honestly, I think core values such as approaches to finance, when wildly different, can put really really really huge strains on relationships. I've seen this many times, some pull through it and some, sadly, don't.
  • 20
    Font - You were NTA here, her insistence on putting her head in the sand about finances doesn't mean she can then expect no consequence when her unilateral actions put your joint financial stability at risk.
  • 21
    Font - Can you get some individual and couples therapy, here's to help get deal with that trauma from her childhood and how it continues to colour her approach to financial discussions, and hoping ones to help you both establish how you can find a mature way to discuss finances without this kind of stress? Wishing you best! 366 Reply Share
  • 22
    Font - thrackus OP 1 day ago I'd love to do therapy, but as it stands we can't afford it. I actually looked for some affordable options in my city. 208 Reply

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