Doctors Share The Stupidest Lies Their Patients Have Ever Told Them

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 27, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Patients lie to their doctors constantly, and in some cases, it's understandable. You want to say that you work out 2-3 times a week when you only go to your adult dodgeball league once every two weeks. It makes you look better. I lied to my doctor in college in a much more nefarious way than simply exaggerating my self-care. I was on an acne medication that gave me all of the worst side effects I possibly could have, to the point where I should have probably been taken off the drug. However, I wanted beautiful skin and was willing to put up with two to three months of unwanted suicidal ideation to get that. I lied to my dermatologist about the side effects, and as a result, I haven't had more than two zits at a time for three years. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have lied to my doctor because it could've gone horribly wrong, but at least the ends justified the means. 

Often patients lie to their doctors for no reason but embarrassment. While doctors don't catch on to every lie, the ones they figure out can be hilarious. 

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  • 01
    Font - ? r/AskReddit u/Kye Lindsay 19h 18 NSFW Surgeons/Doctors of Reddit,what's the dumbest thing patients have lied about?
    via u/KyeLindsay
  • 02
    Font - Retinator99. 10h "Do you have any medical problems?" "No" "So no diabetes?" "No diabetes" "What medications are you taking?" "Metformin. For my diabetes." I facepalm every time Reply 4.6k
    via u/Retinator99
  • 03
    Font - AgentKnitter. 3h There's a former ER nurse in TikTok that does skits about his former career, and he recently did one where patient was adamant he didn't have any problems with his blood pressure.... Because he takes his blood pressure pills. 4714
    via u/AgentKnitter
  • 04
    Font - Drilmagus 11h Woman comes to emerg with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort. Pelvic exam initially reveals significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina. "Is there something stuck inside?" "No, I don't know what's in there..." Speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on. "Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility..." You can't make this shit up. Reply 1.4k
    via u/Drilmagus
  • 05
    Font - scalability 8h No, I don't know what's in there... Oh, that! "Could they be talking about the mandarin orange? Nah, they're probably used to those." 4500
    via u/scalability
  • 06
    Font - Cybariss 15h Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don't know how he didn't fracture anything. Reply 12.4k
    via u/Cybariss
  • 07
    Rectangle - Zloiche1 - 13h 2 Awards If I had a bullet in my ankle I'd probably wreck on my bike also. Lol 45.8k
    via u/Zloiche1
  • 08
    Font - Gold Passenger_5879. 12h Reminds me of an older Englishman I met at a bar in Thailand. He had an exterior rod with pins sticking out of his leg and was on crutches. We started talking and I asked him how he did the it. He said the short answer was that "he wrecked his motorcycle." I asked what the long story was. He said, "I came home and my Thai girlfriend accused me of cheating on her. She came at me with a kitchen knife and slashed my arms several times before I could run out of the ho
    via u/Gold Passenger_5879
  • 09
    Font - YourStolen Charizard • 13h 1 Award Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctors notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patients bullshit from their tone. "Patient in for routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hrs prior, patient confirms no. In process of procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this hap
    via u/YourStolenCharizard
  • 10
    Font - Marconi_and_Cheese. 9h As a former public defender where my clients lie all the time and I have to restrain from being an ass in my notes, I can relate. Edit: Lie to me* 43.4k 3.4k
    via u/Marconi_and_Cheese
  • 11
    Rectangle - bouncingbad. 8h Hell, I get it as a software consultant. Me: Did you do this change? Client: nuh Me: -pulls up audit log- .. 1.3k
    via u/bouncingbad
  • 12
    Font - Pissy Squid 8h I also enjoyed reading medical records in which some info was almost certainly only included because it was amusing. For example, some psych patients were very creative and descriptive when insulting the medical staff. One intake evaluation included a line saying something like "Pt stated that Dr. XXX looks like 'a gothic scoundrel."" Another was simply like "pt claims to have have 'made love to Dr. XXX's wife."" 2.2k
    via u/PissySquid
  • 13
    Font - topherbdeal 13h It's not so much a patient lie as it is me being dumb, inexperienced and uncomfortable asking necessary questions I had a hypothetical patient during residency that was a very manly veteran and I was admitting him for rectal bleeding. He was in the age where it more than likely colon cancer, so I didn't think it was necessary to ask a sexual history. Folks at this particular establish were known to at times be homophobic and I had been yelled at by patients previously for
    via u/topherbdeal
  • 14
    Font - zimmer199 . 14h I had a guy insist that someone else put cocaine and heroin in his urine. Even after I tried to move on with the conversation. .. Reply 2.5k 2.5k
    via u/zimmer199
  • 15
    Font - HeyFolkslmTitLiquid. 14h Had someone say that their roommate used a spoon when cooking meth, and then he ate cereal with that spoon later and that's why his piss popped hot for amphetamines 41.1k
    via u/HeyFolkslmTitLiquid
  • 16
    Font - jorgeojungle Patient: "I haven't drank alcohol in months!" Patients family: "It's true I've been with her the whole time." 14h ● Me: "Ma'am your alcohol level is 325." Patient: "Impossible! I would never lie to you!" Reply 2.9k ...
    via u/jorgeojungle
  • 17
    Font - 13h onekrazykat. Know of someone who had their entire family lie about having stopped drinking. Imagine the transplant team's surprise when he went through DTs while in the recovery room post op. ... 943
    via u/onekrazykat
  • 18
    Font - BagelAmpersandLox. 14h "Do you smoke cigarettes?" "No, I quit!" "When did you quit?" "This morning" ... Reply 24.5k
    via u/BagelAmpersandLox
  • 19
    Font - Jasole37 11h My little brother was a nurse for about a decade. He has said many times that people stick anything up their butts. From lightbulbs to hairbrushs to a golf shoe. And at first it's hilarious. Then after a year or so it's not funny because you've seen way too many distended buttholes.
    via u/Jasole37
  • 20
    Font - Then after a decade or so it starts to get funny again because you think you've seen everything and then one day a 45 year old man is driven to the hospital by his wife and he has a golf shoe up his ass and he told his wife that he and the boys were golfing and he slipped in the locker room and it got rammed up there completely disregarding the fact that the part of the shoe that is inside him is covered in Vaseline... Reply 948 948
    via u/Jasole37
  • 21
    Font - Physical_Witness_922 18h I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave report to the MD and when I walked back in with the doctor she looked at me and said "I didn't think you'd be coming back in the room" and then proceeded to confess that she'd been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes. ... Reply 7.4k
    via u/Physical_Witness_922
  • 22
    Font - happyinheart. 16h If it makes you feel better, patients do this kind of stuff to EMS all the time and the newer triage nurses must think they're all bad at their jobs. G 4 3k +
    via u/happyinheart
  • 23
    Font - joojie. 11h It happens to veterinary staff too! We put the patient and client in a room, get some history with very specific questions, ie "any vomiting or diarrhea?" "Nope" and the vet goes in and they say "ugh, Fluffy has had explosive shits for a week!" Like....really? 1.6k
    via u/joojie
  • 24
    Font - Striife 10h This must just be the standard for any medical practice. I'm an ophthalmic tech. At least once a day, I ask a patient if they've noticed any new vision changes over the last year, and they answer "nope! Everything about the same and my glasses are still working well. No concerns at all!" Then when I bring the doctor in and come in with him, all of a sudden they have a laundry list of issues. Drives me crazy lol 4647
    via u/Striife-
  • 25
    Font - Vanillalcee. 14h 2 Awards Penis modification. The case was an elective above the waist surgery, and he denied piercings. However, when the nurse went to place the foley she found the patient had modified his penis and it was split/bifurcated with multiple piercings to look like a cobra. The nurse did not know how to insert the foley. The piercings also limited the ability to use electrocautery. In addition, he also imbedded a metal implant inside his testicle that looked infected with a p
    via u/Vanillalcee
  • 26
    Rectangle - Marzy-d • 12h S 1 Award I hate just about every word in this paragraph. 11.7k ↓
    via u/Marzy-d
  • 27
    Font - Anthrotekkk. 14h A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn't heal. When I walk into a nonunion patient's exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke. But they'll tell me they don't right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery I'll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it'll turn out positive and suddenly surprised pikachu face. Edit: lots of folks below
    via u/Anthrotekkk

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