'I wasn't sorry --- I did it on purpose': 30+ Secret Confessions of the Week (May 21, 2023)

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 21, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

These aren't the kind of secrets you could tell to your best friend or even your spouse… they need to be totally anonymous. Each day, brave souls on the internet share their best (or rather, worst) secrets to @fesshole. 

So many people share their secrets, but some are much more shocking and surprising than others, so we've hand-picked some of the best ones. I totally get why the person who accidentally destroyed a 4k TV on their first day of work felt they could only share that anonymously. They totally did what they had to do in that moment, but they're lucky there were no cameras around to pin the blame on them! Even if they could confess it to someone in their life, it's a pretty terrible thing to do to someone. 

After you take a peek into these folks' secret lives, check out this story of a mom who was really annoyed that her daughter hadn't called to wish her Happy Mother's Day…before 11:25 a.m., that is. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9765356288
    via Umberto on Unsplash.com
  • 02
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole In my first week at a new job I opened the supply room door and a precariously placed & expensive 4k monitor fell on the floor. The screen was clearly broken, so I carefully put it back in the same position so the next person to open the door would be blamed. It worked.
    via @fesshole
  • 03
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Hired a workman online, I answered the door when he arrived and said hi. He was softly spoken, I don't have great hearing so leaned forward to hear what he was saying. He misinterpreted my action, reciprocated the lean-in and planted a kiss on my cheek. Mortified for both of us.
    via @fesshole
  • 04
    Organism - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole If I'm driving on the highway and someone is tailgating me and I know a speed camera is coming up, I'll purposely slow down and just before the camera move to the left to watch them rage overtake me and also get caught speeding
    via @fesshole
  • 05
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Two years ago my friend wanted to try and contact spirits, we used a ojui board, northing happened. I didn't want them to be disappointed so I moved it. They instantly believed they had a gift. Now they have quit their job and become a professional medium. I feel so guilty.
    via @fesshole
  • 06
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Been selling my spare room on airbnb for about 5 years now. If someone stays for only 1 night, I just hoover the bedsheet and febreze the duvet and pillows. Fk washing it every time
    via @fesshole
  • 07
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My mother is a fan of doing the overly dramatic loud sigh, waiting to be asked what's wrong. I now play a game where I see how many sighs she'll do before cracking and stating her latest tale of woe without prompting. Current record 6.
    via @fesshole
  • 08
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole If you come in to the pub and order a coffee after 9pm, I'm giving you a triple shot. Good luck getting to sleep.
    via @fesshole
  • 09
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Parents hate it when I equate being a dog mother with having children. The phrase "I know, it's the same when Chester has to go to the vet!" really does stop them whinging on about their kids though.
    via @fesshole
  • 10
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My wife has a china tea set passed down through her family. It has been in a cupboard for 20 yrs. I use the tea cups as measuring cups - they are 250ml exactly. I just dropped one and broke it. Put it at the back of the cupboard and hope it will sit undiscovered another 20 years
    via @fesshole
  • 11
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My son thinks he gets one over on me by asking me to read more books to him in exchange for him going to bed earlier. More time with my son, more time with the Mrs, and it's better than an iPad for him. 3-0 me.
    via @fesshole
  • 12
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole The best thing about being a parent to a three year old is you can give them jelly babies and they don't know there are better flavours than the yellow ones.
    via @fesshole
  • 13
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... Just had a famous actor follow me on here on the back of one tweet. I now have a few celebrities follow me, and quite frankly, it's bloody stressful. I hate the thought of them unfollowing one day so I constantly have to try to be funny. I'M THE VICTIM OF MY OWN SUCCESS.
    via @fesshole
  • 14
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Years ago I moved to a different country because a girl I liked was about to move there. She didn't relocate in the end. I lost count of the reasons I made up over the years whenever somebody's asked me "why did you move here""
    via @fesshole
  • 15
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I keep buying a new grill pan every time the old needs cleaning. I hide the dirty one in the bottom of the wheelie bin so my husband won't see it. He thinks I'm really good at getting the grill so clean.
    via @fesshole
  • 16
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole When we have family or friends come to stay with us, we add fake appointments to the wall calendar for the following day, that we suddenly "notice" so we can have a reason to get them to leave early the next day.
    via @fesshole
  • 17
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole To the guy who was standing with his trolley, blocking the exit from Tesco this morning. I'm the bloke who gave you a cheery excuse me, then a very apologetic sorry when I scraped your shins with my trolley as I walked past. I wasn't sorry - I did it on purpose.
    via @fesshole
  • 18
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Last night I dreamt about being told at work my shoes were a bit of a disgrace. Came into work today in a better pair.
    via @fesshole
  • 19
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My wife has been getting so frustrated for years because she always seems to lose one of each pair of socks it's secretly me throwing them away because she made me sell my bike 10 years ago and this is me getting my revenge
    via @fesshole
  • 20
    Organism - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My significant other casually said "I am with you because you look mediocre and you will never dare to leave me". I cried the whole day and filed for divorce
    via @fesshole
  • 21
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Left my parent's home and been in my own house for 8 years now. Didn't know you had to clean the windows until i got a girlfriend and she commented on how dirty they were. I can now see outside again.
    via @fesshole
  • 22
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I watch new episodes of Bluey on my own before watching them with my kids.
    via @fesshole
  • 23
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole When I was 13 me and a friend found a bucket of paint in an alley. thought it would be funny to throw it over someone's fence. The lid came off and spilled red paint over someone's patio and conservatory. Looked like something out of a horror film. Still feel bad 20 years later.
    via @fesshole
  • 24
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Started seeing a woman. We got on better than I'd ever got on with anybody, then she got her hair cut and it suddenly hit me she had exactly the same facial structure as my sister. She had to go.
    via @fesshole
  • 25
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My boyfriend and I are happily living together and both in our 30s. Our parents keep asking us when we'll tie the knot but there's one problem...We spontaneously married in Gretna Greene when we were on holiday there when we were 19. We're running out of excuses.
    via @fesshole
  • 26
    Organism - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... I've just started weight training at a busy gym and I can't lift much at all - it's pretty embarrassing. When I finish on a machine I move the pin to a higher weight to impress the person waiting to use next.
    via @fesshole
  • 27
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I'm 35 and have been told by my parents all my life that baked beans were pasta balls in ketchup. I've just told my 5 year old son and my wife of 8 years was mortified that I didn't know it was a bean and not pasta. My whole life has been a lie.
    via @fesshole
  • 28
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I now work as a teacher 18 years after I left as a student. In my last week I hid my Pokémon cards in a hole in the wall so as not have them confiscated. To my delight they were still there seemingly untouched after all these years. Better than my wedding day finding them again
    via @fesshole
  • 29
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I convinced a bloke on The Tube not to pull the emergency alarm to alert the driver to a suspicious bag until the next stop. This was coincidentally my stop.
    via @fesshole
  • 30
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My partner of 4 years still thinks our meeting was 'fate' when actually it was the most planned out one night stand attempt I've ever tried, which included re-arranging work, buying tickets to a show a didn't like and perfectly timing 'bumping into' them. Worked perfectly.
    via @fesshole
  • 31
    Organism - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My parents think I've been enjoying something of a career as a professional magician for the last five years but I'm embarrassed to say in reality I'm a traffic warden. Their 60th birthdays are coming up and I'm dreading them asking me to perform at their joint party.
    via @fesshole
  • 32
    Mammal - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole When my daughter Katy was 3, I told her I invented the letter K, just for her, because she was so special. I thought nothing of this until two weeks later, her teacher called me over, to congratulate me on my invention of part of the alphabet. Katy had told everyone.
    via @fesshole
  • 33
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Got a bunch of six bananas and noticed they were very small so ran them through the self service till as five. Fk you, The Man.
    via @fesshole
  • 34
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole A few years a van by a local 2 man joinery company cut me up on my way to work. It had an email address on it. Spent the first 2 hours of work signing them up to every mailing list I could find. Saw the same van 3 weeks later and it had duck tape over the email address.
    via @fesshole

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

surprising confessions wtf secret work stories shocking workplace family funny weird fesshole
Scroll Down For The Next Article