Parents force older siblings to pay for 20-year-old sister's flight to Disney, she refuses to go out of solidarity for siblings: 'My parents are extremely wealthy doctors who own their own business. None of us kids are financially comfortable.'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Manipulation is never cool. Especially if it's coming from somebody in your family. But unfortunately, those are usually the people who are closest to you and therefore know what buttons to press. They know what makes you tick, what makes you uncomfortable, and what motivates you. So if they want something bad enough, they may want to play you like a fiddle to get what they want. But this is never okay. It's not good to use other people like pawns. Most of us know this, of course. 

But that doesn't stop other people from trying to use us. So it's best if we set up a set of defenses against this kind of behavior. The first is identifying when it's happening. We may think our loved ones are just trying to look out for us, so it may take some strangers on the Internet to point out that what they're actually doing is this manipulation. That's what happened to the person in this story. They laid out a complicated situation where a gifted vacation turned out to be a test of sorts. 

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  • A young woman closes her eyes in contemplation.
    via Ben White

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But when they tried to do what they thought was best, they found that they angered everybody else in their family. So they sought help from the Internet. Read on to see what happened and decide who you think was in the right.

  • AITA for telling my mom I won't go on the "Christmas gift" trip if my siblings have to cover my flight?

    I (20F) am one of five siblings (ages 16-27). Last Christmas, my parents told us our gift would be a family trip to Universal Studios this coming Christmas. My mom bought the hotel and park tickets and asked if we wanted to go, saying we would all fly. Of course I said yes, I was excited and thought it would be a fun trip.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • For some background, my parents. are extremely wealthy doctors who own their own business. None of us kids are financially comfortable. I'm a broke college student who recently took a year off after leaving an ab ive relationship and struggling with depre son. During that time I had no job or income. I'm starting school again this fall and looking for work, but I currently have very low funds.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • My siblings aren't better off. My youngest brother is 16. My sisters (21 and 24) both work minimum wage and already struggle. On top of that, my mom charges anyone over 18 $600 a month in rent to live in our (very large) family house. The only sibling doing okay is my 27-year-old brother who works for my parents.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • Fast forward to now (August), a few months before the trip, and the terms suddenly changed. My dad chickened out of flying because of his severe anxiety and wants to drive instead (16 hours vs. a 2-hour flight). My mom and I both get motion sickness, but for me it's extreme. I panic about getting sick in cars, so a 16-hour drive is my nightmare.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • Because my dad won't fly, my mom announced: "You kids need to pay for your own flights now. For the two youngest who don't have any money, the rest of you can pitch in to buy their tickets - or they'll have to drive in their own cars. This is a test of sibling loyalty."
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • I felt awful because I don't want my siblings, who are already broke, to pay for me. I told my mom I want to come, but I probably won't go if it meant they had to to cover my ticket. She snapped and called me "ungrateful" for not wanting to go on a trip she's "spending so much money on," saying if I don't go I'm throwing her generosity back in her face.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • So now I feel stuck. If I go, my siblings may be pressured into paying for me. If I don't, I'll be labeled ungrateful for wasting her money AND my little brother won't have a ride/my siblings will have to pay for him. If I drive, I'll have panic attacks and be sick and miserable which I definitely don't want. AITA for telling my mom I probably won't go if it means my siblings have to pay for me?
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • Edit: Just to clarify a bit, my dad wants my mom to go with him in the car. So since she isn't flying now (and is very p ed about it), that's why we all have to pay. She said there's only room for two, so that's why my brother wouldn't have a ride if I didn't drive him.
    via u/ballblaster6969
  • A young woman touches her hand to a window.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters called out this behavior.

    diminishingpatience 1d ago NTA. This isn't a gift: it's a carefully crafted piece of ab e. In a few years' time your parents will be posting on here, complaining about the fact that none of their children speak to them.
    via u/diminishingpatience
  • quats555.1d ago NTA. "You said it yourself, Mom, it's not a gift any more, it's a 'test of sibling loyalty' And I just passed with flying colors."
    via u/quats555
  • oliviamrow • 1d ago "This is a test of sibling loyalty"? Your mom's a piece of work to turn their gift into a "test" because of their issues. And they're going to take a two- seater on this road trip to make your 16-year-old brother fend for himself? What an absolute load of garbage.
    via u/oliviamrow
  • NTA. I wouldn't go on the trip, period. You and any of your siblings who are unable or no longer want to go can do your own actually fun thing for Christmas.
    via u/oliviamrow
  • celticmusebooks 23h ago Tell her you passed the test of "sibling loyalty" by refusing to have your siblings bu ied into paying for your airfare. Your parents sound extremely toxic.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • Early_Fill6545 • 1d ago Not to be r de but I would burn the passes before I went on that trip. Your NTA but your parents sure are. Work on your mental health get your finance together then move out and never look back. Oh my parents charged me rent when I bought my house and moved out they gave me the $10000 they had charged me for rent.
    via u/Early_Fill6545
  • Clean Purpose916 · 1d ago NTA. As a "test of sibling loyalty," flip it around: convince your siblings it's not worth the financial stress just to please your parents. Instead, skip the trip and plan something fun at home or nearby with just the siblings. You'll probably have a better time hanging out together than standing in long lines at a theme park and without all the guilt-tripping.
    via u/Clean_Purpose916
  • CleverGirl2013 · 1d ago NTA, this is peak manipulation. You said you just left an ab ive relationship? Sorry, but this is another one. Just explain to your siblings that you're too broke to pay for the flight and can't drive that far. Your parents are mean.
    via u/CleverGirl2013
  • Fatt3st Aveng3r · 1d ago NTA Your parents are genuinely awful. Don't go on vacation with them. Get your siblings in a group chat and pick something to do with THEM, that everyone can afford. Maybe you can't afford Universal Studios but what
    via u/Fatt3stAveng3r
  • about camping for a week at a lake or something nearby? There's a park near me and the private camping is $35 a night. You could also go to a KOA campsite, stay in air conditioned cabins and those run like $75ish a night. Idk, there's cheap ways to have memorable vacations and it would show your parents that they can't control y'all. You make your own fun.
    via u/Fatt3stAveng3r
  • starchy2ber · 1d ago NTA. Your mom's behavior is bizzare. Don't go and stop accepting things from her - your self respect should be worth more than a trip to universal. Your youngest brother can go in the car with your dad - you aren't hurting him.
    via u/starchy2ber
  • BluBeams 1d ago NTA. Your parents seem controlling and manipulative. I wouldn't want to go either if my wealthy parents wanted my struggling siblings to pitch in and pay for my ticket. It's like they're getting some sick thrill from this.
    via u/BluBeams
  • Prestigious_Carry... • 23h ago I think the best thing to do is announce cheerily, I'm sorry, that's not in my budget, and I don't want my siblings to have to pay for me. Have a good time, send me some photos! And leave it there. Do not engage in this mess. NTA.
    via u/Prestigious_Carry942
  • Butterscotch|||1523 1d ago . God, your parents are narcissistic. I'd bail, let the chips fall where they may. Talk to your siblings, maybe you can all refuse together. Then Ma and Pa can go on their own.
    via u/Butterscotch1523
  • UPDATE (kinda): I spoke with my siblings about everything and they said they would do whatever they had to so I could come because they really wanted me there for Christmas. I still insisted that I did not want them to pay. I had a talk with my grandparents about the situation (I often go to them to vent about these kind of issues
    via u/Butterscotch1523
  • with my family, they aren't huge fans of my parents and how they handle things). They take me on a lot of trips, especially recently we went on a huge trip together to Alaska, and they said they made an account for me and put all of the miles on there for me to use in the future. So (hopefully) I might have enough miles to pay for a flight there and back. I really don't
    via u/Butterscotch1523
  • want to let my siblings down and I'm very close with them - they said they would rather split the money to have me there than have me not come at all. Still thinking about it but thank you to everyone for the suggestions. And as for the comments about the toxic environment. I am aware it is borderline emotionally ab ive and
    via u/Butterscotch1523
  • am spending the next couple years to save up so I can move out. Same with my siblings. That's why it's so hard to ask for money from them, because I know we are all reaching towards the same goal of saving up to move out. I'll update on the situation if anything else happens, thanks for the support.
    via u/Butterscotch1523

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childcare teens aita disney manipulation kids teenagers moms parenting dad reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids adult children Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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