'[It's] gonna be a Category 5 douche': Hurricane Bret was legitimized with an official name and instead of battening down the hatches, Florida is bashing every 'Bret' stereotype

Hurricane season is a scary time for most of North America. For folks in the Gulf, the Caribbean Islands, the coastal south and Atlantic coast are all preparing for the worst with the first big hurricane of 2023: Hurricane Bret. Naturally, Floridians have no fear of the oncoming storm and several people on Reddit are actually ignoring warnings for safety and focusing more on the absurdity of this tropical storm's name. That's right, the name 'Bret' just isn't sitting right with people.

Consider the only Bret you ever knew– he's most likely a varsity football jerk who played pranks on the nerd kids and kissed other guys' girlfriends at every party. Bret is the kind of guy you meet at a bar and run away from, for fear that he might spike your drink. Bret has a gambling addiction at 22 years old and hazes his friends into doing stupid pranks with him in order to earn his trust. That's the kind of hurricane we have coming for our Gulf this month. Hurricane Bret, a Category 5 waste-of-space with an un-ironic mullet and a case of warm Keystone Light in his bedroom.

Posted by Jesse Kessenheimer