'AITA for choosing our family dog over a friend hard on his luck?': Choosing beggar friend asks for a place to stay, demands family get rid of their dog first

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jul 10, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

Beggars shouldn't be choosers—and when you find yourself down on your luck or in a desperate situation, you probably shouldn't be making demands about how those who are willing to offer you support provide that support.

There is nothing in this world more wholesome than receiving support from friends, family–even complete strangers—in a desperate time of need. A selfless act of support, willingly given, says more than words ever could and is often essential for making sure that you come out the other side still fighting.

This being said, while providing some guidance to those helping so that they can best help you can be beneficial for all parties, the party receiving the help should be gracious and make sure they're not taking advantage of the situation or being overly demanding.

Take this choosing beggar, for example; after asking to come and stay with his friend and his friend's family while going through a divorce from his wife, he then turned around and demanded that the family get rid of their dog since he was allergic. 

If you're shocked by this request, you're in good company. The friend apologized and responded that they would not be able to accommodate this request, which drove the choosing beggar to badmouth the friend behind their back to the rest of their friend group.

The friend shared their story with Reddit's popular r/AmItheA**hole community, wondering if they were in the wrong for refusing to oblige the demand so that their friend could stay. 

Readers overwhelmingly sided with the friend in the comments, declaring that the choosing beggar was a complete a-hole for making the demand in the first place and then again for his behavior afterward... Makes you wonder why his wife is divorcing him.

Read on for the friend's account of events and a selection of the responses below. Next, see this couple who ditched out on a double date after their friends showed up late.

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  • 01
    Dog - "AITA for choosing our family dog over a friend hard on his luck?" Me (32m), my wife (30f), and our 2 daughters (both under 5) live in a decent sized apartment, not grand or anything of the sort but big enough for us and for us to host another person for a limited amount of time that it would not be a burden.
    via u/Gorillagrodd91

    image background: Kari Shea

    dog: Shayna Douglas

    story: u/Gorillagrodd91

  • 02
    Font - Recently a friend of mine (28m), that I've known for a few years from an old job, is going through a divorce has asked me for a place to stay. I talked it over with my wife and she has no problems with him staying with us.
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 03
    Font - When I told him that he could stay he was so grateful, but then told me to let him know once we have gotten rid of our dog and deep cleaned the home as he has a severe dog allergy, we never knew about this as it has never been an issue, we always hung out at a mutual friends house, work, the bar, or double dates at restaurants where no dogs are.
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 04
    Font - I told him that we would not be able to get rid of our dog to accommodate, as he is a part of our family, getting older and that it would honestly devastate our girls and us. He is now running around bad mouthing us to our friend group for taking back our offer for him to stay with us and choosing a dog over his health. I have been receiving multiple calls saying that I ATA for not helping him now.
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 05
    Font - TLDR: I'm choosing our family dog over our friend staying with us due to his divorce. Edit: I've seen it asked, me and my family are American from the east coast, very pet friendly area, but we no longer live in the USA as of now due to my work, and currently live in a not so dog friendly country on the other side of the world. Dogs here are not looked at as they are in the USA, many view them little more than pests and don't understand viewing one as family here
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 06
    Font - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the age: I feel as I may be the asshole as honestly we may be able to have someone be able to watch our dog, but with how attached our daughters and myself are to him and with him getting older, I don't want to put the strain on him or the girls
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 07
    Font - TemptingPenguin369 17 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [78] NTA. One of the other people in your friend group can accommodate him by getting rid of their own pets and paying for a deep cleaning. If he really needs a place to stay, he can try a hotel or whatever, but how urgent can he be if he can wait for you to find a new home for a family member? Just the suggestion to get rid of your pup would have been enough for me to say no. 3.9k Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 08
    Font - dorkofthepolisci. 17 hr. ago ΝΤΑ If he'd ask that the dog be kept out of his sleeping area, that would be totally reasonable. But if his allergy to dogs is so severe that it can't be managed with antihistamines/he can't be in an area a dog has been in, then your home was never a suitable option for him. He should have realized that instead of asking you to rehome your dog. 1.9k Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 09
    Font - Beck2010 17 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] Why aren't all these other friends offering up a place to stay? Next phone call or text you get asking you: "Gosh! I sure am glad you called. I'll let friend know if your concern and offer to let him stay with you." And then listen to the spluttering. NTA. But, boy, your friends sure are judgmental people. 1.1k Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 10
    Font - bamf1701 17 hr. ago Supreme Court Just-ass [127] NTA. He is asking you for a favor. He is the one in a desperate situation. He does not get to dictate the situation at your home. He especially does not get to tell you to get rid of a family member (yes, a pet is a member of the family). This is beyond arrogant. And he is getting divorced, he isn't unemployed. He has other options, like getting a hotel. You aren't leaving him on the street. Finally, it is the act of a bully for him to get
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 11
    Font - I think you really avoided a problem here - if he is being this much a problem when he hasn't even moved in, what kind of demands would he have made once he got in, and how would he have treated your kids? 531 Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 12
    Font - . Ok_Yesterday_6214 · 17 hr. ago. edited 2 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] NTA, you can't send away a family member coz of a person who is in the process of divorce, lol. Beggars can't be choosers 219 Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 13
    Font - Electronic_Fox_6383 17 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [26] NTA in any way, shape or form. Who does he think he is, lol? That's astounding nerve, wow. 199 Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 14
    Font - mangoserpent. 17 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [5] NTA. There might be a reason he is so down on his luck if he is making those demands. I also question the level of friendship everybody is if they are critiquing your very normal decision to not get rid of your dog to accommodate them. In fact since they are so concerned for his well being they can take him in. Reply Share 171
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 15
    Font - Thrwwy747 17 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [6] ΝΤΑ Reply to anyone giving you shit with a link to this thread. 127 Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91
  • 16
    Font - lovealwayswins14. 17 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [8] NTA. How could he expect you to get rid of your family dog? You were gracious to offer but you're definitely not the A-hole here. ↑ 90 Reply Share
    via u/Gorillagrodd91

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friendship family drama amitheahole dogs aita drama pets choosing beggars friends doggo family Reddit choosing beggar
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