Woman Gets Dragged for Advising Friend to Shave Her Body to Attract Men

Author image for Mel Dawn
Mel Dawn
Oct 7, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Even in this day and age, it's hard for women out there who refuse to adhere to idealized beauty standards. Not everyone defines femininity the same way, and yet society still tells women that there is a feminine ideal they should be striving toward. No one is inherently wrong for adhering to mainstream beauty standards, just like no one is wrong for rejecting them. However, it is a bit messed up to suggest to someone that they change their appearance to appease the standards of others, especially if that person is your friend. 

When u/Thick-Price5341's friend was recently venting about her 'sad' dating life, OP cautiously suggested that maybe it was because she didn't shave her body. OP's friend was deeply disappointed in her and OP turned to r/AmItheAsshole for advice. The comment section agreed that yes, she was the a-hole in this situation. 

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  • “AITA for suggesting to my friend that she should shave?” Posted by u/Thick-Price5341

  • 01
    Font - My (29f) friend, let's call her Emily (32f) is an amazing person - she's fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing and just a great girl to be around. A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore (legs, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy, resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.
    via u/Thick-Price5341
  • 02
    Font - A few days ago, we were having a beer and she told me how sad her dating life was, that she kept meeting guys and having very fun dates but never got a call back or when she tried asking for a second or third date, got rejected in a very generic manner. Now after telling her "you're so gorgeous and wonderful, the right man will come don't worry" multiple times, I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of "I know this is a very superficial thing to say, but do you t
    via u/Thick-Price5341
  • 03
    Font - She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed I would suggest she change her appearance for men and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed. I immediately apologized but the evening was pretty much ruined. I texted her the next day apologizing again for hurting her but she hasn't replied.
    via u/Thick-Price5341
  • 04
    Font - I really did not want to hurt her but I also don't quite see how my comment was that bad so I am not sure how to phrase my apology. So decided to take it here and ask people here how big of an AH I am.
    via u/Thick-Price5341

  • The comment section

  • 05
    Font - 47 IllustriousBet875 2d Info: did she ask for advice or was she just venting? ↑ 42.2k
    via u/IllustriousBet875

    "Woah, yeah this is so important to the context. I still don't think it's proper 'advice' or a solution to give. But good context to know." —u/UrsaEnvy

  • 06
    Font - Tyberious_2d Partassipant [2] NTA You just suggested the reason she may be having problems with dating. You are also probably correct. Of course she is free to do whatever she wants with her body and they may not meet others preferences, which means they may not want to date her. This may mean they miss out on great person for superficial reasons but that is a choice they are free to make. ... ↑ 1.6k
    via u/Tyberious_
  • 07
    Font - 459 YTA huged1k 2d I think you're going to get some angry responses because a lot of people in this subreddit assume everyone posting is a man so of course you're going to be accused of supporting the patriarchy. I think you're probably right that some of the guys she has gone out with are put off by her body hair. However, she likely doesn't want the kind of guy who would see body hair as a dealbreaker. She also didn't ask for your advice. It sounds like she was just venting. Let your fr
    via u/huged1k
  • 08
    Font - Effective_Pie1312 2d YTA not shaving is a value statement. She is looking for a partner in life that has the same values. By telling her to shave you are telling her to change her values just to get a man. Instead of saying "don't worry you will find the right man", why not say "it's better that these wrong men are screened out than be with one of them that doesn't value the same things you do. Now that would be miserable compromising your values". Being single is not the end of the world
    via u/Effective_Pie1312

    "This. She's not looking to date men who are only interested in women who shave. Telling her to shave is not going to help her get good dates, just more dates. And those dates would likely be the type of person she won't be interested in. She's right in saying that OP told her to change for a guy, it's just that OP didn't realize that's what they were doing." —u/Princessesierra

  • 09
    Font - emtaesealp 2d YTA. Do you think she hadn't already thought about that? Clearly she has made her decision. If she changes her mind, she will shave. All you did was try to make her self conscious about it. Would you have said this to a friend who dyed her hair pink or got a nose ring? ↑ G 4791 + ...
    via u/emtaesealp
  • 10
    Font - going 88mph 2d Partassipant [1] YTA I have leg and arm hair, and I am in a loving relationship with a man who is holding me as he's sleeping. If I would have listened to you, I would have been making myself uncomfortable for someone who doesnt care one way or another. A more supportive thing to say would have been: "you'll find someone perfect for you, just keep working on yourself and the rest will fall into place." She definitely wasn't asking for advice, just wanted some emotional supp
    via u/going_88mph

  • OP's update

  • 11
    Font - UPDATE: I am absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of reactions this got. Thank you all so much for your well-worded answers and for your inputs. Emily messaged me yesterday evening asking if we could talk about the whole thing and we had a phone call. She started by apologizing for her reaction and by the things she said to me. I told her that I wanted her to know that I and many others love her for who she is and the last thing I wanted was to suggest that she change herself for a guy. A
    via u/Thick-Price5341

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friendship patriarchy aita body hair friends am i the asshole shaving advice beauty reddit thread beauty standards Reddit women dating dating advice
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