Protective Father Freaks Out After Mom Lets Their 16-Year-Old Daughter Drink Wine

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 6, 2023 7:00 PM EST

There comes a point in every parent's life where they must ask themselves a very important question: am I a regular mom or a cool mom? The answer to said query determines a lot about their parenting style, but it most certainly answers the time-honored question, "Can my teenager drink in my house while supervised?" Some parents let their kids drink a glass of champagne on New Year's and wine at Church, but that's about it. Other parents outright forbid their kids from drinking before they turn 21. Others throw their kids huge parties full of alcohol because they'd rather have them do it at their home, where they can intervene if something happens. 

One family recently got into a rumble over this exact discussion. The mom allowed her 16-year-old daughter to have one glass of wine. The dad, whose family has a history of alcoholism, was having none of that. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Dazzling_Noise_8886 - 1d AITA for letting my 16 year old daughter drink a glass of wine?
    via u/Dazzling_Noise_8886
  • 02
    Last night, I (F46) had a glass of wine while watching a movie with my daughter (F16), and she asked me if she could try some. Normally, I'm strict with my children when it comes to alcoholic beverages, but I didn't think a little wine would hurt, so I poured her a glass. I told her that this would be a once-in-a-blue-moon exception.
    via u/Dazzling_Noise_8886
  • 03
    I let My husband (M48), on the other hand, was not okay with this. When he came into the living room and saw her with the wine in her hand, he lost his mind. He started shouting at me, asking why the her drink alcohol underaged, and said she could easily become addicted to it. I immediately felt bad and apologized, but my husband is still me over this. I don't think he trusts me anymore. with AITA?
    via u/Dazzling_Noise_8886
  • 04
    kaimkre1 23h Partassipant [1] NTA This is the perfect way to introduce your daughter to alcohol- it's a safe, controlled environment with people (her parent) she trusts most in the world. You want her to learn healthy habits and drinking in moderation with you right next to her removes a lot of the appeal of alcohol. You're taking away any lingering mystique or stigma. If it's not forbidden or an "adult thing" she's not allowed near/trusted with then it looses a lot of the appeal.
    via u/kaimkre1
  • 05
    I think you and your husband need to have a conversation about how you're going to introduce alcohol to your kids. She's already 16, if she hasn't had it with friends by now, then she will soon. And keeping it as some kind of forbidden fruit until she's 21 only makes it more likely she'll hide it from you rather than feeling comfortable sitting next to you every now and then sharing a glass of wine. Binge drinking is a real issue, especially in college, and a lot of it stems from how we treat al
    via u/kaimkre1
  • 06
    Moreover, it's a little alarming that your husbands first reaction was to yell at you. We only have this scene to go on, but jumping straight to "she could get addicted" from a single glass of wine shared with her mother, seems like either a huge reach or like there's something deeper behind it
    via u/kaimkre1
  • 07
    Dazzling_Noise_8886 OP ● 23h His family actually does have a tragic past with alcohol. When he was 7 years old, his father ODed on Christmas Eve night. ... 8.3k
    via u/Dazzling_Noise_8886
  • 08
    Fickle-Squirrel-4091 • 23h All the more reason to educate your daughter about responsible drinking. 4 10.3k ...
    via u/Fickle-Squirrel-4091
  • 09
    AquaticMeat 22h I don't think you understand. With people with substance abuse on a genetic level, it has little to do with "education". It's not a rational thing. It's a "oh, wow, this makes me feel normal for the first time in my life, I need to keep doing THIS!" That's what the husband fears, he fears her developing an addiction simply from having one. Addicts in recovery always say "one is too many, and 1000 is never enough" for a reason. And they're typically more educated on drugs/alcohol
    via u/AquaticMeat
  • 10
    rshni67 21h Not everyone with a genetic predisposition become an alcoholic or addict. There are lots of people whose parents were alcoholics who can drink socially in moderation, knowing the genetic predisposition. Not sure what "substance abuse on a genetic level" is. There is genetic predisposition. The girl was not born addicted to alcohol unless she had fetal alcohol syndrome. So she is not an addict for whom even one drink is too many. It is fair to advice her of the genetic risks and allow
    via u/rshni67
  • 11
    Limitless Megan. 23h I come from a family of alcoholics on both sides and as a result basically don't drink. But that was a decision I made for myself as a teen and when my kid was a teen I was very aware that making something forbidden is a sure fire way to get a kid interested. I allowed my son to try wine and beer in small amounts when with us. He knew if he really wanted a drink at a special occasion or if friends were dining he could ask and I'd give him a small amount.
    via u/LimitlessMegan
  • 12
    As he became an older teen when his friends were getting blackout drunk and sneaking alcohol he wasn't. He also told me what was going on and that he didn't understand why they'd want to drink till they were suck... Knowing he could talk to me and could have a beer (at 17 etc) if he asked me made all the difference. He drinks more alcohol than me, because I drink .5 glasses a year if that, but he's always had a healthy relationship to alcohol as a result of my choices in raising him.
    via u/LimitlessMegan
  • 13
    Abuse of alcohol isn't just about the substance. It's a coping mechanism used because we haven't been taught good emotional coping mechanisms, because of trauma with no support for processing, etc. Your husband's over the top emotional response and freak out to alcohol is going to do FAR more harm in that direction (I can't ever talk to my parents about alcohol or drugs or WWIIl will break out, if I make bad decisions with alcohol telling my parents I need help will be worse than whatever is hap
    via u/LimitlessMegan
  • 14
    Coming from a family with issues CAN have an impact on our genetics/physiology- I get drunk on half a glass of wine and if I don't ingest more am sober 20mins later - but most of what is passed down is trauma, no emotional processing tools and a lack of education on what to do when things are bad and hard. My mom also never drinks out of fear of becoming her father, but instead became addicted to gambling. I worked HARD to teach myself emotional processing and coping tools and in two of my very
    via u/LimitlessMegan
  • 15
    If your husband REALLY wants to protect your daughter from his family legacy, the solution isn't never allowing her near alcohol and never teaching her a healthy respect for and relationship with it, it's therapy for him to process his trauma and fear and learn new and healthier tools he can share with her. ... 549
    via u/LimitlessMegan
  • 16
    Jabbergabberer. 23h My parents did this, and let us drink on holidays as teens. I've literally never been so drunk I could black out, I've never thrown up while drunk. The mystery was dispelled pretty early so I never felt the need to go crazy with alcohol. I still don't ever get very drunk at 24. ... 4217 ↓
    via u/Jabbergabberer
  • 17
    Acrobatic-Bit4846 • 23h Partassipant [1] I think what makes her the AH is she never discussed it with her husband. 131
    via u/Acrobatic-Bit4846
  • 18
    LilChemie 1d NAH. I used to live overseas, so the drinking age is lower there. 16 is perfectly fine to have a glass of wine. In fact, having a glass in front of a parent really takes the fun and mysticism out of drinking. You made it seem normal (because it is), which develops a healthier relationship with alcohol than not. You're not an AH for giving your daughter wine. Nor is your husband an AH for getting mad about it. You guys just weren't on the same page. I'm not married, but I'd say it wa
    via u/LilChemie
  • 19
    • 23h I'm going against the grain here but YTA. Not because you introduced her to wine, plenty of us would say that this is exactly the healthiest way to teach older kids to have a responsible relationship with alcohol before they leave home and are on their own. But she is underage and you have a coparent who this should have been discussed with. I think to deny them any input on a decision like serving alcohol to your minor child for the first time was a mistake worth apologizing for. Reply 42
    via u/throwmeaway_honestly
  • 20
    thoribioanf1b1o. 23h I had to scroll a lot to get to this one ... YTA OP, you blindsided your partner and took an important decision without consulting their opinion. Also, alcohol is not just illegal at 16 because governments are lame, there are biological reasons why teens should not be having it. ALSO, having a sip is way different from having a glass of wine, if you wanted your kid to try it you didn't have to offer a full glass. I would be livid if my husband did this. +992 +
    via u/thoribioanf1b1o
  • 21
    These-Buy-4898 • 23h Partassipant [2] Did you see where OP commented that her husband's father was an alcoholic who died on Christmas Eve due to alcohol? This makes her even more so YTA!! Obviously, parents should agree for something like this, but in this specific situation, it's far worse. 858
    via u/These-Buy-4898

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drink family drama drinking alcohol crazy things parents say underage drinking wine parenting fatherdaughter motherdaughter alcoholic daughter parent parents
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