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25 Dad Jokes That'll Make You Shake Your Head and Instant Facepalm

  • 1
    Text - SCHRÖDINGER'S CAT WALKS INTO A BAR AND DOESN'T
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  • 2
    Text - TWO KITTENS ON A SLOPED ROOF WHICH ONE SLIDES OFF FIRST? THE ONE WITH THE LOWEST MEW
  • 3
    Text - WHAT'S ANOTHER NAME FOR SANTA'S ELVES? SUBORDINATE CLAUSES
  • 4
    Text - HELIUM WALKS INTO A BAR AND ORDERS A BEER THE BARTENDER SAYS "SORRY, WE DONT SERVE NOBLE GASES HERE." HE DOESN'T REACT
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  • 5
    Text - THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE WALKED INTO A BAR. IT WAS TENSE
  • 6
    Text - THE FIRST RULE OF TAUTOLOGY CLUB IS THE FIRST RULE OF TAUTOLOGY CLUB
  • 7
    Text - IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN PUNS TO KLEPTOMANIACS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TAKE THINGS LITERALLY.
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  • 8
    Text - WHY DID KARL MARX DISLIKE EARLY GREY TEA? BECAUSE ALL PROPER TEA IS THEFT
  • 9
    Text - CE FLAT, AND G WALK INTO A BAR. THE BARTENDER SAYS, "SORRY, NO MINORS ww
  • 10
    Text - DESCARTES WALKS INTO A BAR THE BARTENDER ASKS IF HE WANTS A DRINKS. "I THINK NOT, DESCARTES SAYS. AND THEN HE DIS APPEARS.
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  • 11
    Text - A BIOLOGIST, A CHEMIST, AND A STATISTICIAN ARE OUT HUNTING THE BIOLOGIST SHOOTS AT A DEER AND MISSES 5FT TO THE LEFT, THE CHEMIST TAKES A SHOT AND MISSES 5FT TO THE RIGHT, THE STATISTICIAN YELLS "WE GOT EM!
  • 12
    Text - THEY SAY A FREUDIAN SLIP IS WHEN YOU SAY ONE THING, BUT YOU REALLY MEAN YOUR MOTHER
  • 13
    Text - WHAT IS A PHYSICIST'S FAVORITE FOOD? FISSION CHIPS
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  • 14
    Text - A PHOTON CHECKS INTO A HOTEL AND THE BELLHOP ASKS HIM IF HE HAS ANY LUGGAGE THE PHOTON REPLIES "NO I'M TRAVELING LIGHT"
  • 15
    Text - WHEN I WAS A KID, MY ENGLISH TEACHER LOOKED MY WAY AND SAID, "NAME TWO PRONOUNS." I SAID, "WHO, ME?"
  • 16
    Text - HOW MANY SURREALISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? A FISH
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  • 17
    Text - DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MAN WHO GOT COOLED TO ABSOLUTE ZERO? HE'S OK NOW
  • 18
    Text - WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION?
  • 19
    Text - THERE'S A BAND CALLED 1023MB. THEY HAVEN'T HAD ANY GIGS YET.
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  • 20
    Text - KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE? TO TO WHO? NO TO WHOM
  • 21
    Text - YOUR MOTHER IS SO CLASSLESS SHE COULD BE A MARXIST UTOPIA.
  • 22
    Text - WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT ROOT BEER IN A SQUARE GLASS? BEER
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  • 23
    Text - WHAT DO YOU CALL TWO CROWS ON A BRANCH? ATTEMPTED MURDER
  • 24
    Text - WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST ATOMS? BECAUSE THEY MAKE UP EVERYTHING!
  • 25
    Text - WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE COMFORTING A GRAMMAR NAZI? THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE..

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