‘I zoned out for most of her rant’: Clueless man doesn't understand why fiancée breaks off engagement, internet gives him a harsh reality check

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    "Just because I didn't think of therapy after a minor 21 disagreement A YEAR AGO I'm no longer someone she wants to marry."
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    My (M32) fiancee (F32) suddenly doesn't want to marry me anymore because of a disagreement we had a year ago. What now?
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    Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancee "Lola" for almost 7 years now and we've been engaged for 2 of those years. We have twins together (M&F, 3) and I thought we were happy.
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    About a year ago we had a small fight/disagreement about how she was raising our kids, but after receiving some feedback from Reddit, I was able to see that I was in the wrong and I was being incredibly offensive toward my wife (this was on a different account that I lost the info for, but everyone was very helpful so thanks again). I apologized and she
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    seemed to accept my apology, and I thought things were back to normal after all of that. She seemed to be her normal self again and we didn't argue/disagree about that topic anymore. In fact, we hadn't had even a minor disagreement for months after that. I thought we were happy.
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    Well, we were originally planning to get married last year (October of 2023) but she ended up changing her mind and saying she wanted to push back the wedding a bit. I was a bit confused and she wouldn't really elaborate on why, she just said it was stressful to plan a wedding with toddlers and she needed some time so I agreed.
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    Well, she just dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere a few days ago when she randomly stated that she doesn't think she wants to get married anymore. This was heartbreaking to hear, of course, and I asked that we sit and talk it out. She ended up telling me that she doesn't think we are compatible (after 7 years?) and that she thinks we should go our own ways and co-parent. I'm devastated. I pressed for more information, like
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    what made you realize this? And why now? And she basically said that she felt like I didn't really "know" her and that I didn't want to know her. I thought this was ridiculous! I know everything about her! I know her favorite color, movie, and song, I know her favorite food, I can read her body language extremely well! I DO know her, we've been together for years!
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    She said a few more things and apparently, she's been thinking over our relationship since that fight happened a year ago. She said it was "eye-opening" for her, and that when I let her see the post and she looked through all the comments, she realized things about me that she had swept under the rug for years and blown off as one-time issues. She went
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    on a whole schpiel about all these things she had realized about me and how she didn't think we should be together anymore. I don't even know what she means. I think I zoned out for most of her rant because I was so blindsided and hurt by this that I was trying not to break down in tears. I offered to go to
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    couples counseling and individual counseling but she said it was too late and that I should have done that/offered that a year ago when this all blew up. I don't even know what to do now, and I think it's a bit unfair for her to put all of that on me. Just because I didn't think of therapy after a minor disagreement A YEAR AGO I'm no longer someone she wants to marry? Thats insane.
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    I don't know what to do. How can I get her to give me another chance to see that I still love her and we can make this work? What can I say to make her change her mind? I'm so lost and I don't know what to do.
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    (Original post)

    Posted by u/tabad manners 1 year ago AITA for demanding my fiancée stop teaching our kids bad manners? hole Hi everyone, using a throwaway because I don't want this on my main but I would like an outside opinion.
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    My fiancée "Lola" and I have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). Our wedding is in two months. Lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since I work early,
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    and so I never noticed this until recently. I took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and Lola and started to notice something that bothered me. Lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. I hadn't noticed this
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    before, as they don't eat this type of food for lunch/dinner/snacks or eat it all the time so I guess I just missed it as I wasn't home or she fed them other things on the weekends.
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    This morning I was helping Lola make breakfast and then I got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. As they were getting ready to eat, I noticed they didn't have forks/spoons so I told Lola I would get them and she said there was "no need".
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    I watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. I asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that I was concerned and said that's how they always eat it.
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    I told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. She told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but I pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren't needed.
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    She said I was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but I do think it's gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. She said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn't gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate.
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    I ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn't want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they're used to this.
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    Lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn't let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i'm starting to feel a bit annoyed. AITA?
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    AITA? EDIT: wow lots of replies quickly. They seem to be mixed so far but I will add in that the kids CAN use utensils and use them with foods like soups/pastas/etc, I just fear that allowing them to continue using their hands will make them used to it.
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    Bubbly_Performer4864. 23 hr. ago You zoned out on her explaining why she's done with the relationship, of course you don't know why she's done!
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    I_chortled "She said some stuff about how I never listen to her and stuff, idk I wasn't really paying attention" 17 hr. ago
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    jesssongbird 20 hr. ago "I don't listen to my long term GF. Now she wants to break up? Anyway, what's her problem?! She literally just told me but I zoned out so I don't know."
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    MissAnthropoid. 13 hr. ago "I never listen to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and I pay no attention to her feelings or needs whatsoever. She complained about it a year ago BUT I APOLOGIZED! I changed nothing about my attitude or behaviour and now SUDDENLY she wants to break up with me!
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    How could this even happen after I APOLOGIZED??? I don't even know why because I still don't listen to anything she says! What magic words can I use to make her stay with me without having to change anything, listen to her, respect her, or give her what she needs to be content in a relationship?"
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    vampireblonde 12 hr. ago But he knows her favorite color! 89 Reply Share Bubbly_Performer4864. 12 hr. ago Blue! No wait, yellow! :
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    StellarManatee 17 hr. ago Aww no way! THAT GUY! . Man getting all upset that his toddlers eat finger food and not a Downton Abbey-esque banquet in the mornings. And then the fool blamed their mom in a kinda racist way. Ridiculous.
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    Zestyclose-Bus-3642 14 hr. ago Men like this always claim the breakup came 'out of nowhere' as if they can't possibly imagine why their partner would have an issue with them. Once you learn the context, though, it never 'out of nowhere', these guys just can't take any ucking responsibility.
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    Meanwhile the mother understands what a developing toddler needs and goes out of their way to help this development. And now in this post, when he's talking about how he "knows" who she is, he's giving examples of the most superficial ..There is
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    no praise on her skill or accomplishments, nothing about her character that made her stand out for him. No, he knows her favourite movies, favourite color and favourite song. Groundbreaking.
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    His girlfriend gave him a chance, a whole year, and it looks like not much has changed. Good for her to make this decision, although difficult, but probably for the best.
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    TerrorEyzs 13 hr. ago The fact that she is TELLING him what is wrong and he STILL "zoned out" on what she told him. What a fool.
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    Revolutionary-Help68 12 hr. ago So what he describes here as a "small fight/disagreement"" was a actually a huge big red flag fof her, after he said something horrible, culturally insensitive and basically displayed a fair bit of racism, to his probably Latino girlfriend?
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    Then instead of thinking why she might be upset and apologising, he zips into Redfit hoping everyone will agree with his stance, and apologising only after people pointed out he was an AH.
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    Zero sensitivity, empathy, no change really, he just bimbles along on his merry way - because he said something like: Look as Reddit pointed out, I was a racist AH, so sorry if I said how you eat is gross and disgusting... so we're all good!
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    She holds back the wedding date still clueless dude doesn't think: OMG she's not happy, what can we do to work this through... nope. He waits until she actually says - I don't think we should get married as we're not compatible. He is
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    now amazed - Surprised Pikachu Face - stops listening - turns to Reddit asking how he can get her to change her mind all unhappy because He APOLOGIsEd - so she should have just gotten over it already.

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