'I'm just going to Google it': 15+ patients share the craziest things doctors have said to their faces

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jan 24, 2024 4:00 PM EST

No one ever said your doctor couldn't also have a sense of humor. In fact, while some people might find jokes to be unwelcome in a hospital environment, others may find that in appropriate circumstances, jokes can be comforting. Perhaps the right kind of bedside manner is a personal preference at the end of the day. 

Personally speaking, I will go to any doctor's appointment with more pent-up anxiety than anyone else in the waiting room. If my doctor isn't going to crack a joke to break the ice, I most certainly will say something self-deprecating and humorous as a coping mechanism. The worst is when you tell a joke and your doctor looks at you with a blank stare. This has happened to me on several occasions, so reading the replies from this r/AskReddit thread provided some comfort for me. At least there are some doctors out there who would understand my sense of humor and who would match it.

Keep scrolling below for these crazy comments. For more, check out this compilation of pet owners' wild stories.

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  • 01
    tror, M.D... P
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  • 02
    r/AskReddit Posted by u/Straight_Toe_1816 11 hours ago What is the funniest thing a doctor ever said to you?
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  • 03
    GrizzlamicBearrorism. 12 hr. ago I had a conversation with a new shrink when I was 12. "Do kids ever bully you?" He asked. "Sometimes.", I responded. "About your nose?", he said. "...No.", I replied. That was when I found out I have a big nose. And the world has not let me forget about it since. 6.1k Reply Share
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    phil_in_t_blank 11 hr. ago My wife and I had our child late in life, and knew we were going to be one and done, so a vasectomy was gonna happen. Where I live, you need a Dr's referral to get one. Coincidentally, my appointment to get said referral was the same week that I started my paternal leave. At my appointment, Doc walks into the room and says "You've been on pat leave for 2 days, and you already want a vasectomy!?!" 5.0k Reply Share
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  • 05
    BonelessMegaBat - 9 hr. ago Post exploratory biopsy following a weird MRI. "Well, you're a mutant, but your super power is dumb." I grew an accessory spleen. 4.8k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 06
    lifeless_clown. 11 hr. ago I'm a 43 year old male Doctor walked in real fast, head down went straight to the sink to wash his hands. Said I have "great news" while washing his hands. "You're pregnant". Turned around, looked at me and said out loud, me, wrong person". 4.3k ↓ Reply Share
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    Chaotic ForkingGood. 12 hr. ago. edited 19 min. ago I went to the ER in seriously bad abdominal pain. I couldn't explain it, since everything was seemingly *ahem* running fine. Scant, but fine. As it turned out, I was still massively backed up, almost to the point of impaction. The doctor, who was a good, goofy guy, said "Ma'am, sorry to tell you, but your diagnosis is that you're full of ....."
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  • 08
    I cracked up and said "How long have you been waiting to use that one on a patient who won't complain?" Him: "FOREVER." ETA, since people are (rightfully) confused: I was in so much pain when I got in that they gave me the morphine before the tests were done. So they had no idea I was constipated when they gave me the morphine. 3.4k Reply Share
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  • 09
    wanderingstorm. 12 hr. ago Had a nasty throat and tonsil infection and went to the doctor, who looked in my throat and went "ewww that looks gross!" I said "is that your professional opinion?" and he says "yep! That's the grossest thing I've seen in weeks! Eww!" He was a super nice doctor and I knew he was just joking. He then gave me some nice meds and sent me on my way. (And it really did look very gross) 3.3k Reply Share
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  • 10
    Born_Post_6667. 12 hr. ago "What a dumb piece of from my OBGYN as I'm 6 months pregnant and told her I caught my now ex husband cheating on me. 3.0k ↓ Reply Share
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  • 11
    SamBrown99 12 hr. ago 'I'm really getting them in there this time, you little freak of nature,' my surgeon remarked during surgery to replace the pins in my broken finger that had been forced out by my body. 2.1k Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 12
    CK_CoffeeCat 11 hr. ago Doctor pulled up my lab tests on the monitor (this was back when they were still formatted for DOS patient data systems and just basically white text on a black screen). He was paging down and a section came up on the screen which was bright red text and had a box made of asterisks around it. He said, "WOW!" Me: [startled] "I-is that bad?" Dr: "I've never seen a result like this before!"
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  • 13
    Me: "Uhhhh..." Dr: "I didn't even think this system could use color! Or make boxes!" Me: "Oh! Oh. Okay. Soooo... it's nothing bad then?" Dr: "Oh, no, it's bad, I mean not horrible, but something we definitely need to address, it's just-" [makes explosion hand gesture and giggles] "POW! Red! Stars! In your face! Never seen that before." He was actually a remarkably competent doctor, but very very new and excitable. ↑ 1.9k ↓ Reply Share
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  • 14
    therealmominator · 11 hr. ago My GP and I got to talking about kids in general once and he told me about his friend's son, about six years old, who didn't call his older brother by name. He only referred to him as, "This guy." I about hit the floor. I'd never had a Dr drop an around me before. 1.4k Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 15
    Fearless_Lab 10 hr. ago My regular gynecologist was called away so I had a man instead of my usual lady. That's always a little awkward anyway, but when I told him I was getting married soon he yelled "I LOVE LOVE, let me see the ring!" so while my feet were in the stirrups and he was down there doing whatever he was doing, I had to hold my hand down so he could look at it. 1.3k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 16
    FunUse244 11 hr. ago I was out of a coma for a few days, the doctor asked my name, where am I etc. then told me "you were on toast when you first got here" thanks doc, that makes me feel better 1.0k Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 17
    Rusty_GOLD 11 hr. ago. edited 4 hr. ago It was an anesthesiologist; he said "here come the pina coladas!" as he administered the gas ↑974 ↓ Reply Share
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  • 18
    FrioRiver Texas 12 hr. ago . Dr: "You're about two days from pneumonia, why didn't you come in sooner?" Me: I didn't want to bother you. Dr: "After all these years...you are my best and worst patient!" 931 Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 19
    (Cen justhangingaroud - 8 hr. ago "All right, this is the part where I'm just going to google it and we both pretend I'm not."
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  • 20
    yoki_au. 9 hr. ago Taking son into respiratory clinic to get tested for asthma and he was worried about shots. I said to the doctor: "no shots today right?". Without missing a beat he goes: "Not for him but I could probably rustle up a couple of glasses and some tequila". We had never been to this doctor before but he was awesome. 510 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816

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