High Tech Manager Refuses to Let Her Kids Get in the Way of Success, Family Demands She Quit Her Job and Become a Full Time Mom

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Feb 9, 2024 9:00 AM EST

Women are supposed to have it all—a prosperous career, a family, a gorgeous home, and everything in between.

In the story that follows, a successful manager of cyber security engineering, mother of one, prepares to become a mother again in the near future. OP is a woman who appears to have everything: a wonderful spouse, a successful career, a stunning child, plus a baby on the way. For OP, all seems to be going as planned, theoretically speaking. However, now that she is expecting her second child, she is beginning to feel pressured by close relatives to give up her work and become a full-time stay-at-home mother. Therefore, when OP's mother-in-law brought up the subject a third time, OP lost it and reminded everyone that her salary had kept the family afloat for years while her husband was a medical resident, so the least they could do was honor her ambition to advance in her career.

Having said that, read the story below to find out what happened when OP opened up about her genuine feelings and whether or not she gave up on her career due to social pressures! And when you're done, don't forget to check out the story about the proud husband that refuses to accept financial support from his sister-in-law here!

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  • 01
    I have been also guilted by other mom's (especially my husband's coworker's wives) since most of them who are not also doctors become SAHMs. But I don't see why I need to. My husband and I outsource all our cleaning, grocery delivery, lawn maintenance etc so all we do is cook. So almost all our time at home is spending time together as a family.
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA for telling my MIL I make too much to be a SAHM?
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 03
    I(31F) am a manager for cyber security engineering for a big tech company. My husband is an internal medicine specialist. I make over 200k a year and he recently started making his full salary around 400k. We had our first child around 2 years ago and I'm pregnant with our
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 04
    second. My family is pretty open minded about it but my husband's family are old fashioned and since we are Japanese there is a consensus from them that women who are married with children shouldn't be working. My husband is very lucky he has less loans than other doctors. Just over
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 05
    130k but that's because his family paid a lot of it off already. So Ive been getting "hints" from them that I should be a SAHM and leave the money making to my husband. I don't want to leave my job and my company is relatively understanding. I got 6 months off (3 months with full
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 06
    pay and 3 months without) for my first child and was able to keep my current position. The male members of my team are also able to take paternity leave. So I don't see why I have to leave my job. I also paid most of the bills while my husband wasn't making much as a resident.
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 07
    My aunt was a SAHM and to make more income in her retirement she babysits my son. She is also going to be looking after my youngest child when my maternity leave ends. I have been also guilted by other mom's (especially my husband's coworker's wives) since most of them
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 08
    who are not also doctors become SAHMs. But I don't see why I need to. My husband and I outsource all our cleaning, grocery delivery, lawn maintenance etc so all we do is cook. So almost all our time at home is spending time together as a family. And apart from the rare occasion we
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 09
    both work 9-10 h a day with me working a bit less as I don't have a commute. Even then we still save a lot more than if I were a SAHM. But my MIL has commented how it's not right I outsource these things because a mother shows her love by cleaning after her kids and husband.
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 10
    My MIL recently came over and while eating dinner she said the food was great and complemented me and I said my husband made the food( he finished work early and I was in a meeting with a customer) and she was shocked and said it wasn't right that my husband has to do any work
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 11
    after his long shift. I got annoyed and said that I was working longer then him today and she said well then you should quit so you don't need to. I got mad and told her I save over 12k a month after paying to outsource I didn't have an interest in doing anyway. And with that money we can
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 12
    send our children to top schools and have undergrad and probably grad school paid for. So it's ridiculous to expect me to quit just because she has old fashioned ideas that women need to be on their knees scrubbing away. My MIL was offended but my
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 13
    husband told her it's already be settled and I'm going to still be working. But everyone always telling me I'm a bad mom if I don't quit my job has me worn down.
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 14
    level_5 ocelot - 11 hr. ago NTA for shutting her down. However, it is more effective to cut it off at the root "DH and I are perfectly capable of making the best choices for us and our kid, thanks" rather than answer her b ting-in in
    via u/level_5_ocelot
  • 15
    a way that doesn't necessarily make sense. If someone earns $200k and wants to be a SAHM, more power to them. It's about the right choices for the individuals involved, not about any specific career or income.
    via u/level_5_ocelot
  • 16
    I don't need to know what you make, or how much you save under various scenarios. All I need to know is that you and DH agree and your family is thriving.
    via u/level_5_ocelot
  • 17
    ChoiceInevitable6578. 10 hr. ago Yep my husband did that with his dad after incessant comments about me staying home. I have a good job, i make good money, and so does he. We like our life with our kids as is. NTA op. Keep doing you!
    via u/ChoiceInevitable6578
  • 18
    Chemical-Froyo-6286 · 11 hr. ago NTA. Girl go get that money. Some women like working let them work. I am not even one of those people, but it is so annoying knowing these people don't support you.
    via u/Chemical-Froyo-6286
  • 19
    I have a few friends who could have never worked a day in their lives before and after getting married and having kids, but they love their jobs.
    via u/Chemical-Froyo-6286
  • 20
    Maybe consider both sides. Ina few years will you regret not staying home with your kids who are now older or will you regret having quit your job giving into the pressures around you, Do what you wanna do!
    via u/Chemical-Froyo-6286
  • 21
    GigMistress 11 hr. ago Partassipant [4] NTA, but honestly, just what you've written here is more conversation than you should have had with someone else about this. "That's the choice we made" is sufficient. Change of subject.
    via u/GigMistress
  • 22
    Helpful_Hour1984 · 11 hr. ago ole Aficionado [18] A NTA. It's not only about the money. You spent the entirety of your adult life studying and building a career and they just expect you to give it all up for what? To do something you don't enjoy and that you can
    via u/Helpful_Hour1984
  • 23
    outsource for a fraction of the income you get from doing the stuff that you do like. Ridiculous. It's negating the value of your professional contribution to society. I'm glad your husband shut that down, it means he sees
    via u/Helpful_Hour1984
  • 24
    you as a partner, not a b gmaid. Next step is to double down on your boundaries and shut it down every time someone tries to open the topic again.
    via u/Helpful_Hour1984
  • 25
    Mundane-Dog-532 OP. 10 hr. ago I guess I justify it with the money because it's the easiest way to understand. But really I had considered being a SAHM because of the pressure initially. When I was on maternity my
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 26
    mom and other people helped a lot in the beginning so I got a lot of time with my baby. But when they left and I had healed I realized doing the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping etc meant I was doing a lot of work and
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 27
    having less time with my child anyway. And I was more tired than at my job. Also I wasn't making anything! So it became obvious it didn't make much sense so I'm very
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 28
    annoyed when people make it seem like I hadn't considered it or it automatically means I'll have less work or stress
    via u/Mundane-Dog-532
  • 29
    LoveBeach8 - 11 hr. ago Prime Ministurd [562] NTA The only ones who should be commenting on your personal business is you and your husband. You don't owe anyone else any explanation or apologies
    via u/LoveBeach8
  • 30
    for how you live your lives. You don't owe them any accounting of your finances, either. It's none of their business, regardless of being related to you. From now on, don't get mad. Simply shut them down. Try saying "We have everything
    via u/LoveBeach8
  • 31
    under control and we're happy. Thank you." Keep it on repeat if they keep trying to force their opinions. They'll get tired of hearing you saying the same thing over and over.
    via u/LoveBeach8

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