Cruel stepdad criticizes 9-year-old for mourning his father: 'You wouldn't care this much if I died'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 22, 2024 3:00 PM EST

As someone who doesn't have a stepparent, it can be easy to think that nefarious stepmoms and stepdads are a thing of fairy tales and movies. They're so omnipresent in these narratives that they stop feeling cliche and start feeling normal. In the Best Picture-nominated movie The Holdovers, the leading teen character has a whole arc surrounding his wealthy stepfather pressuring his mom into sending him to a military academy if he gets kicked out of his boarding school. That would be a classic cliche fictional stepdad move, but the cruelty is compounded by the fact that the movie takes place during the Vietnam War. This guy is lowkey trying to get his wife's son killed, which is so absurdly cruel that it's shocking how believable it feels in the context of the movie. 

Evil stepfathers aren't just present in outstanding movies. They also exist in real life, and this one, in particular, is one for the history books.

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  • 01
    0.20 r/AmltheAsshole u/Traditional-Bar-4200 6h ● AITA for telling my mom she's wasting her time getting therapy for me and her husband?
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 02
    My parents divorce when I was a lot younger. Maybe 4ish or 5. My mom met her husband Dave when I was 6. Dave tried really hard to impress me in the early days of his and mom's relationship. They moved quickly and within 2 months of meeting Dave he moved in with mom so whenever I was with mom I lived with him too. By the time they got engaged I had known him for about 11 months and he was SO jealous of my relationship with my dad. He would make comments like "oh you never do that with me" when so
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 03
    When I was 9 my dad died suddenly. And the day my dad died Dave turned around and said to me "You wouldn't care this much if I died". He was jealous again that I was so heartbroken over losing my dad. I asked him why I would care this much about him when he's not important to me. Dave was really angry and he told my mom and she told me I was cruel to him. She didn't care what he said to me. It made me dislike that my mom stood by him when I had lost my dad THAT day.
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 04
    Three years after my dad died Dave was diagnosed with a form of cancer. He didn't like my response and brought up that I would have cared more if my dad had told me. He ended up being okay but my lack of worry for him or sadness him off and our relationship got way worse.
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 05
    My mom decided five months ago that we needed to make our relationship better because I'm 17 and she knows I'll be moving out as soon as I can. So she brought us to a family therapist and told the therapist she wants us to get along and if we can't get along naturally, then we should do it for her sake. I asked her why I would when she let him act like a petulant child because I loved and grieved my dad. I asked how I was supposed to be okay with her being fine with him saying the he did when da
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 06
    We've been going a few months with zero progress. My mom was upset about it Saturday because Dave took my half siblings out for the day and I refused to go. She complained that therapy should have done a better job. I told her she's wasting her time with therapy because it will never fix things between me and Dave. She told me I could at least try and comments like that show I don't care. AITA?
    via u/Traditional-Bar-4200
  • 07
    Diligent_Pride_7314.6h Aficionado [19] Nope nope nopety NTA. Your mom wanted to play "happy family" and hasn't cared about your feelings since that started. Her fantasy matters more than you. nope. And there's a reason I'm harping on on your mom, because she's the bigger issue. She allowed Dave to move in within 2 months, engaged to him at 11 and married shortly after, and at every opportunity she's dismissed your pain over his insecurities.
    via u/Diligent_Pride_7314
  • 08
    Dave's an insecure that much is evident, but Mom is the bigger snake in this garden, and I implore you to value people just as much as they've valued you. This isn't a problem with a Dead Beat Dave, but an Entitled Dave who sabotaged all his relationship building attempts with his own insecurities. Reply 3.3k
    via u/Diligent_Pride_7314
  • 09
    Professional_Ruin953. 5h Enthusiast [5] Also, why was it OP's responsibility to include Dave? Why was it on OP's shoulders to build a relationship with him? All the while Dave "mr wants to be included in her life" did nothing, jack- all-nothing, to initiate or build anything between them. OP was the minor, he was the adult, 90% of the direction of their relationship depended on him making the right effort, the adult is the one with the money and transportation and autonomy to take action in orde
    via u/Professional_Ruin953
  • 10
    Possible-Cloud8836. 6h NTA! Therapy is definitely needed, but for HIM. Kids don't always take to step-parents, especially if they feel something is wrong. Of course you'd be devastated losing your dad, and of course you would love your dad more and care more about him. That is such a twisted mindset to put that on you. If he had approached you "normally" you'd probably have at least a decent relationship. You're 17 now, your opinion of him is set, your mom needs to accept that this is it. Reply
    via u/Possible-Cloud8836
  • 11
    perpetuallyxhausted • 6h NTA I am curious though what the therapists take is on Dave's attitude and behaviour. Unless your mum is sending you to a biased one. Reply 4180
    via u/perpetuallyxhausted
  • 12
    Jennfit25 3h Ugh. I commented above and had the same thought. I am a therapist and my community has one of those with a very bad reputation. So bad our local child protection services refer people elsewhere. 分 23 凸
    via u/Jennfit25
  • 13
    Slog TheNog. 5h NTA - Therapy or counseling only works if everyone involved has an interest in it working. If you don't want that outcome, it is a waste of time. If you're moving out quickly, make sure all of your back/checking accounts are drained to $0 so your mother doesn't take the money and leave you with nothing. Put the cash on pre-paid debit cards (Walmart has these if you need a place). When you move, take your SSN, birth certificate, and driver's license at a minimum. Open a new checki
    via u/SlogTheNog
  • 14
    High_Ash966h Nta why should you care about a man who has been trying to forcefully replace your father in your life since before he even died. Reply 476 + ...
    via u/High_Ash96
  • 15
    Educational-Mine-1865h NTA but keep going to therapy anyway. Not for her, not for your relationship with her, but for you. Long term you have a significantly greater chance of being happy if you process your feelings about your mother. Therapy is not a silver bullet but it helps. Just my advice of course. Do with it what you will. Reply 425 ...
    via u/Educational-Mine-186

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