Dad forces 18-year-old son to pay rent or get out, allows 22 year old unemployed son to live with him rent free: 'I'm getting punished for my brothers actions'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 4, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

If I've learned anything from my extended family, it's that you should not let your adult son live in your house rent-free for years with no job and no prospects. When I was a kid, teenager, and college student, one of my biggest fears was that I would never be able to get a job, and I would be living at my parent's house and mooching off of them for my entire young adult life. Luckily, that hasn't happened yet, but the fear of such an existence still lives deep within me, and I will never allow it to manifest into reality.

One of the things my parents did to help set me up for success was not kicking me out of their house the moment I turned 18. Because I wasn't worried about rent before I left for college, I was able to thrive in college and focus on my education. One 18-year-old on Reddit isn't so lucky; his dad is making him move out or pay up to prevent him from becoming his brothers, who were living with their dad until they were 22 and 23, respectively. 

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  • 01
    020 r/AmltheAsshole u/MoreState 2251 • 11h AITA for finding it unfair that my dad told me that I had to pay rent or move out at 18 but didn't tell my brothers the same thing at 18?
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 02
    I (17M) made this account because I think my dad is being unfair despite every one i asked telling me he's not. I talked to my family about it for support and they were unsupportive and actually called me ungrateful.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 03
    I turn 18 April 21st and my dad told me that he wants me to start paying rent after I turn 18 or I'll have to move out. This made me upset because both of my brothers weren't forced to move out or had to pay rent when they turned 18.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 04
    My oldest brother (25M) only moved out 2 years ago and my other brother (22M) still lives with us. I told him this and he told me that he knows and he made a mistake when raising them and he wasn't gonna make the same one with me.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 05
    I asked my dad if he was saying this to my brother (22M) and he told me that he wasn't because he was unemployed and if he were to kick him out he'll be homeless. I asked my dad why he cares about him not being homeless but is ready to make me homeless.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 06
    He told me that he'll help me find an apartment and will co sign the lease if I choose to move out. I asked my dad why he wouldn't just do this for my brother instead but he told me that he doesn't trust him which just I me off more. I feel like I'm getting punished for being well behaved.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 07
    I explained this to my dad and told him that if he would've parented better he wouldn't have to force all his regrets on me. My dad got upset with me and told me that I was being unfair and that I know how hard he tried to raise all of us and I can't fault him for everything when he tried his best.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 08
    I tried to call my family to try and have them convince my dad that he was the one being unfair but they told me that I should be grateful my dad cares about me and that they agree with him. They told me his only fault is letting (22M) and (25M) stay as long as they did and they are glad he wasn't gonna enable me?!
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 09
    I DID NOTHING WRONG. I genuinely feel like I'm getting punished for my brothers actions and I don't find that fair at all.
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 10
    Sunmoon98 • 10h I kinda disagree with some people here. I understand that the father is trying to help, but not asking the 22 year old to get a job to help or move out but forcing your 17 year old to pay rent or move out is not fair. They should all be treated the same. The 22 year old should not be coddled. The situation with the 22 year old is his fault and he's trying to make an example out of the 17 year old. I can understand if op was a spoiled brat but op has been working for 2 years. The
    via u/Sunmoon98
  • 11
    burningrae 9h I agree with this. There's nothing wrong with pushing your kids to become independent, but you have to be consistent. It's unfair, and it's an easy way to brew resentment between your kids. Few things hurt sibling relationships more than skewed treatment. 2.3k
    via u/burningrae
  • 12
    Little-Gur-5233.8h And alienate your one responsible son. 'Cause this is going to result in a huge amount of resentment between OP and his dad. 1.5k
    via u/Little-Gur-5233
  • 13
    Cosmicdusterian • 7h This is where lifelong grudges get born. Changing the rules to essentially dump all of his parenting mistakes on his youngest son with a few weeks heads up? Meanwhile, he's allowing the unemployed son to get a free ride, and he let the oldest get a multi-year free ride. That's just cold. Up to his dad if he's willing to risk the relationship with the youngest over this. I think I'd not only be I off enough to leave, I'd leave without a goodbye and wouldn't bother saying wher
    via u/Cosmicdusterian
  • 14
    Dangerous-WinterElf. 8h Let me start out by saying I don't agree with the dad here. But even if it was fair. You talk about stuff like this way earlier. Not tell them barely a month barefor they turn 18 "oh btw. Time to pay rent or move" I had this talk with my two oldest from they were 15. That when they turn 18. I don't expect rent. I'd rather they put a small amount of money they earn into an account and save those money for when they move out. And I expect they pay for some stuff themselves.
    via u/Dangerous-WinterElf
  • 15
    lovetotravelanytime 10h. Enthusiast [7] Okay buddy, lets work through some things. What is your plan for next school year. Are you planning to go to college? If not, CAN you go to college? If you have not yet applied check to see which universities in your state have rolling admissions. Apply and apply for student housing with a room mate. Then, once you have that secured, negotiate with your Dad to be able to stay through the summer. Tell him the date you will move out. If his issue is that he
    via u/lovetotravelanytime
  • 16
    Tell him that you would need a place to stay during Thanksgiving break, Winter break and next summer unless you can get housing next summer at the University but this would get you well on your way. PM me if you want help working out a plan and need a template with talking points to talk this through with your Dad. My guess is if you present a well thought out plan with dates and a work back (ie: application due X date, FAFSA due X date, graduation on X date and you'll pay X rent through the sum
    via u/lovetotravelanytime
  • 17
    MoreState2251 OP 10h • Yeah, I plan on attending college. The college I'm attending is not far from where I live, and I chose to go there because I received scholarships. I haven't applied for housing yet because I was intending on staying off campus, and thank you for the help I really appreciate it. ... 1.6k
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 18
    lovetotravelanytime • 10h Enthusiast [7] Okay, contact the university immediately and ask about on campus residence options. Given you have already been accepted and have scholarships then that makes this much easier. Have you submitted the FAFSA? If you have submitted the FAFSA and now need to live on campus, email the financial aid office and talk with them about your need for additional aid. Work with them and campus housing and you'll figure out a solution.
    via u/lovetotravelanytime
  • 19
    Once you have that worked out (and you should before the 21st) sit down with your father and discuss with him how you have a plan, your anticipated move out date into your dorm, ask for special dispensation until high school graduation not to pay rent because you need to focus on finishing high school and that you will pay a small amount of rent through the summer until you move out. Talk with him and work with him. You can get this resolved with communication. It sounds like your Dad is either
    via u/lovetotravelanytime
  • 20
    ΝΤΑ • The_Bad_Agent ⚫ 10h Supreme Court Just- [120] But you come from a family of them. Best bet is to find a roommate somewhere, and not let your dad cosign the lease. Don't even let him know where you moved. Reply 1.2k
    via u/The_Bad_Agent
  • 21
    UnluckyCountry2784.9h Why have a kid when you're going to discard them 18 years later? I don't get the point. ... Reply 438
    via u/UnluckyCountry2784
  • 22
    INFO Icy-Pineapple-farmer • 10h Partassipant [3] Have you finished school? Do you have a job? I have kids this age so I am biased. They are awesome and hardworking and have goals. I wouldn't surprise evict them with three weeks notice for being good kids because of a birthday. Reply 181
    via u/Icy-Pineapple-farmer
  • 23
    MoreState2251 OP 10h No, I haven't finished school yet, I graduate on May 12th. I do have a job tho, I've been working for almost 2 years come July. ← 310
    via u/MoreState2251
  • 24
    HashMapsData2Value⚫ 7h So basically you're already a responsible son with a good head on his shoulders. The lesson your dad wants you to learn you has already been internalized. What a crappy dad. 207
    via u/HashMapsData2Value
  • 25
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    via Talen de St. Croix

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