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‘You do you, I’m happy to split': Friendship ends after double date turns awkward when one friend offers to split the check and the other insists 'It's always the gentlemen who pay'

"I'm now not a 'girls girl' because I didn't back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up. I responded that if I want to pay for myself (especially because I didn't see myself and the blind date friend having a second date) was happy to put in for my portion. Friendship is effectively over, and I am looking to move out."

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Posted by Elna McHilderson
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  • It's 2024, it's common knowledge that communication is key in relationships. Whether that's a romantic, family, or friendly relationship, you need to be able to communicate with each other. In this Redditor's case, there was miscommunication flying around everywhere. 

    OkDream6816 was roped into a double date by her best friend/roommate but didn't realize it would end up in a falling out between them. She didn't really want to go in the first place, since she's not really trying to date currently, but her bestie convinced her to give it a go. So she went, and when it came time to pay the bill, she offered to split. She doesn't feel comfortable with the old “chivalry” of the expectation of men having to pay, and she also does not feel a spark with the guy she was set up with and doesn't want to give him any hope for a second date with her. The bestie, however, did not feel the same way and they started bickering because she had a stern belief that “the gentlemen always pay.” While they bickered about it, the guys on the date sat there awkwardly, finally just insisting that they would pay. 

    But, apparently, this caused her bestie's man to double-think the relationship because he didn't want to be with a woman who believed men had to pay for everything. It's fine to be into those kinds of traditional relationships, but you should at least make that clear to the person you're dating. Anyways, the bestie now blames OkDream6816 for her relationship problem and their friendship is completely over. She won't even discuss it with her and insists she moves out. See the entire situation below! 

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  • 1
    " Agreeing to split the bill on a double date ended in my best friend being dumped."
    Via rawpixel
  • 2
    AITA for agreeing to split the bill on a double date which ended in my best friend being dumped? Not the hole Hi! I (22f) am really unsure here. My best friend and roommate (22f) Amiee had been seeing a guy for two months. She really likes him, it seemed to be going super well. Last night, she asked if I'd go along with a blind double date (ie. her and the guy she's dating, me and one of his friends who is single and looking). I wasn't keen at first but she insisted, so I agreed.
    Via OkDream6816
  • 3
    We got to the restaurant, just a nice place in our area, and things seemed to be going fine. The friend she was "setting me up with" was cool, but I really am not looking right now and didn't feel any kind of spark. We get to the end of dinner and the bill comes. Aimee chimes in and says "don't worry, our men have got this" to which I say back, "ah, no I don't mind". We'd had two cocktails each (all four of us) and it wasn't a crazy expensive place but not cheap.
    Via OkDream6816
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  • 4
    A bit of back and forth happened, Aimee kept insisting it is always the gentlemen who pay, so l said something like, "you do you, I'm happy to split". The guys were saying they would cover but both seemed uncomfortable. They paid, then we all left. Aimee and her boyfriend went back to his, I said good night to his friend and went home alone. Later, Aimee texted saying her man is now contemplating the relationship because he doesn't want someone who always insists the men pay. She told me I ruine
    Via OkDream6816
  • 5
    Update; thanks so much everyone for your thoughts on this one. Aimee still isn't talking to me, you could cut glass with the tension in our place right now. She and the guy aren't talking either. I'm trying hard here, but another week and maybe the friendship has run its course, honestly. Sensing a lot more underlying issues that can only come from communication, but hey.
    Via OkDream6816
  • 6
    Update; I'm now not a girls girl because I didn't back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up. I responded that if I want to pay for myself (especially because I didn't see myself and the blind date friend having a second date) was happy to put in for my portion. Friendship is effectively over, and I am looking to move out
    Via OkDream6816
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  • 7
    elsie78 2d ago Professor Emerit [80] NTA. She's the one that said the guys pay. His reaction to that is based on her statement alone. And "our men"? Ummmm no, this was the first time you'd met your date 14K Reply ↑ Share OkDream6816 OP.2d ago I'm thinking because both the guys are tight, she thought me and the friend would hit it off, making it a thing. Therefore they would be our men 4.7K Reply ↑ Share UltraNemesis • 2d ago I don't think that your so-called friend is a nice person or even a fri
    Via elsie78
  • 8
    rawbrownie • 1d ago God, she's so awkward.. she ruined it all by herself. 613 Reply ↑ Share + More replies HoldFast02. 1d ago Colo- Surgeon [34] It was still hella presumptuous of her to assume you'd want to date the guy. And twice as presumptuous to just put paying on the guys because they're men. The way you describe the interaction rubbed me the wrong way, and I wasn't even there. Can't blame the guy for reconsidering whether he wants to be with her. 477 Reply ↑ Share
    Via rawbrownie
  • 9
    legice 1d ago • OP, you help that guy dodge a bullet, so definitely ΝΤΑ, 226 a ' hero! Reply ↑ Share Cardabella • 1d ago She's not treating any of you like people in your own right. You're all NPCs in the game of her life and she got cross because you've all gone off script. 158 Reply ↑ Share
    Via legice
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  • 10
    Fifamagician . 1d ago Thats a very weird way to look at it. Everyone can do whatever they want. If people don't match on a date because of it, thats fine and everyone moves on. Your friend first insisted that you should come along eventhough you aren't looking. Then she proceeded to insist men should pay, and on top of that she said you were the issue for offering to split the bill. You decided to give in to go with your friend AND offered to split the bill, so obviously NTA. Your friend shouldn
    Via Fifamagician
  • 11
    forensicgirla • 1d ago hole Aficionado [10] I'm going to tell you this as a mid-30s woman who had "friends" like this in my early 20s: ask yourself if they're truly your friends. What does a friend do? What does this person do? Do these 2 things match up, and when there's a gap - identify whether it's a moral mismatch (like, does this person give underhanded compliments to me & that's leaving me feel self conscious after hanging out with them?) or whether it's a lifestyle mismatch (maybe your fr
    Via forensicgirla
  • 12
    You can get around lifestyle mismatches as your lives change & quality is better than quantity. But I feel like in my 20s, it was more about who is around than whether I truly was friends with that person (& often I had a moral mismatch with them). I kept only the friends who were truly friends back to me & focused on being a good friend to those people. I distanced myself slowly from the people who it turned out, weren't really my friends after all. This person isn't acting like a friend. It al
    Via forensicgirla
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  • 13
    person & 2. She blamed you when her relationship didn't work out because of something that could've happened anywhere at any time & had nothing to do with you). If this is how she is typically (& think deep because we all know that "I like your shirt" can be either a compliment or a diss when girls say it) then she is not your friend. Please stop using up your energy being hers, you'll regret it. 93 Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via forensicgirla
  • 14
    ExtendedSpike Protein 1d ago Parta pant [1] The guys are right and she brought this on herself. Why should the men always pay? You were right to pay on your own. She blamed you for the consequences of her own actions. I hope she isn't usually like that and it's just her distress talking? ΝΤΑ + 86 Reply ↑ Share
    Via ExtendedSpikeProtein
  • 15
    PrincessCG. 1d ago hole Enthusiast [7] Tbf that guy owes you a drink. You made him see exactly the kind of person he was dating. NTA. She's not even a real friend at this point. 32 Reply ↑ Share littlebitfunny21 • 1d ago That's a nice sentiment but you two didn't hit it off and Aimee didn't notice and tried to bully you into potentially giving him false hope/expectation. So your friend did not do the right thing at all here. 27 Reply ↑ Share
    Via PrincessCG
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  • 16
    CelebrationOne5522 1d ago • You are right. Women shouldn't expect men to always pay for everything or feel entitled to have men pay for everything. The same way men shouldn't expect or feel entitled for ex. Your friend lost her bf because of her own lack of understanding of this. NTA. Keep being awesome 16 Reply ↑ Share
    Via CelebrationOne5522
  • 17
    Peony-Pony • 2d ago perintendant [58] NTA I squirmed a little when I read "don't worry, our men have got this" and "it is always the gentlemen who pay". Your friend has some very outdated views about dating. All you did was offer to pay your share of the bill on a blind date. You weren't using a stranger for free drinks and dinner. Your friend's boyfriend of two whole months was, rightfully, uncomfortable with her insistence your male companions pay the bill. It's not your fault your friend open
    Via Peony-Pony
  • 18
    OkDream6816 OP 2d ago Thanks. She's never usually like this, doesn't make guys pay for drinks if we go out. I'm thinking she's acting this way because of her new relationship, but I don't know for sure, since she still isn't talking to me or even replying 1.3K Reply ↑ Share takealeftonthird • 2d ago ... I guarantee you that this is not the only occurrence where money has come up. There's a possibility that she also chose the expensive restaurant and both guys hesitated that it was too much. Your
    Via OkDream6816
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  • 19
    Prangelina 1d ago • Colo- Surgeon [32] I think the stance on traditional gender roles is quite an important point in a relationship. I am personally very much antigender but I know couples who are much more traditional and happily together for decades. There is basically nothing wrong with either stance if BOTH partners are into it. I would absolutely not want a partner with a "traditional" mindset (ie man pays for everything and is the sole/main breadwinner by definition, woman's domain is the
    Via Prangelina

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boyfriend chivalry falling out dating debate BFFs dating drama double date best friend date nightmares girlfriend dinner date blind date friendship breakup entitled r-entitled Reddit dating roles gender roles entitled people bestie

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