‘You can’t have your wedding in my backyard’: Soon-to-be Bride Wants a Wedding on a Budget By Having It in Her Brother’s Backyard, the Family Gets Into Dispute When He Says No

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 16, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Weddings are rough. There's so much preparation, work, and money involved. It's the big day for the bride and groom, a symbol of their love and commitment to each other. It's important to give it the preparation it demands, and to please the bride and groom in whatever way you can, within reason. 

Within reason are the keywords here. Just because it's someone's wedding, doesn't entitle them to have full control and say over everything. At the end of the day, we're all still people who have needs and emotions. As individuals, we have the right to have our boundaries about whatever it is we want to have it about. If someone expects you to drop everything for them, maybe it's not a healthy relationship. And if your sister expects you to host her wedding in your big backyard, you have the right to say no. It's your property at the end of the day.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 13 hr. ago • OndineCalliope AITA for Telling My Sister She Can't Have Her Wedding at My House?
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 02
    My (30M) sister (28F) recently got engaged and is planning her wedding for next summer. She and her fiancé are trying to save money, so she asked if they could have the wedding at my house. I live in a nice, spacious home with a large backyard, so it would be perfect for an outdoor ceremony and reception.
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 03
    Initially, I was open to the idea. However, as we started discussing details, it became clear that it would be a huge undertaking. My sister wants to invite around 150 guests, which would require extensive preparations: renting tents, tables, and chairs; arranging for parking; and setting up port-a- potties, since my house can't
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 04
    accommodate that many people. Moreover, she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family," and she's already on a tight budget. I would also have to take time off work to help with setup and cleanup, and the event would likely cause significant wear and tear on my property.
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 05
    I expressed my concerns to my sister and suggested looking into more affordable venues or scaling back the guest list. She was very upset, saying I was being selfish and unsupportive. She even accused me of not caring about her happiness and trying to ruin her big day.
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 06
    Now, our parents and some other family members are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it's just one day and I should be willing to make the sacrifice for my sister. They argue that it's a small price to pay for family and that I'll regret it if I don't help her out.
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 07
    I feel terrible about the situation but also think it's unreasonable to expect me to take on such a big financial and logistical burden. AITA for telling my sister she can't have her wedding at my house?
    via u/OndineCalliope
  • 08
    • aeroeagleAC 13h ago NTA, 50 is too many for a house wedding. 150, just no.
    via u/aeroeagleAC
  • 09
    Lumpy_Ad7002 12h ago. 150 guests and "tight budget" are incompatible goals But calling you "selfish and unsupportive" and "trying to ruin her big day" are stereotypical of an entitled bridezilla.
    via u/Lumpy_Ad7002
  • 10
    And when family says "it's a small price to pay", your response should be: "How much are you offering to pay?" NTA
    via u/Lumpy_Ad7002
  • 11
    Slackingatmyjob ⚫ 12h ago Where the are 150 guests going to park on your (I assume) residential street? NTA, at all
    via u/Slackingatmyjob
  • 12
    "It's family" is used to demand forgiveness/acceptance of so much toxic ......... that you would normally punch someone for
    via u/Slackingatmyjob
  • 13
    Hi_Im_Dadbot • 12h ago NTA. One does not "save money" at a massive wedding. She wants to have it be cheaper, that's a smaller event. Having your house be the venue means that she has chosen a venue with a limited capacity - that capacity being decided by
    via u/Hi_Im_Dadbot
  • 14
    you and only you. Just like she can't tell the owner of an event hall that he needs to shove another hundred people into his space, she can't tell you to have more guests than you want in your space.
    via u/Hi_Im_Dadbot
  • 15
    If she becomes fine with that, your contribution to the costs is providing the venue and probably helping with the set up and clean up. The rest is on her. If she can't afford the wedding of her dreams, she settles for just a nice wedding.
    via u/Hi_Im_Dadbot
  • 16
    GirlStiletto • 12h ago NTA 20-30 people is a - reasonable backyard wedding. Plus, expecting you to foot ANY of the bill is ridiculous. They are alredy using your house.
    via u/GirlStiletto
  • 17
    I would recommend just saying that this is going to be too much and that your house is no longer available. You tried to be reasonable and she is being a bridezilla. Wed within your means.
    via u/GirlStiletto
  • 18
    Potential_Speech... Potential Speech... 12h ago NTA. Her "tight budget" isn't your problem. No money=no wedding. Not your Circus, not your monkeys.
    via u/Potential_Speech
  • 19
    she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family," I would have laughed right in her face.
    via u/Potential_Speech
  • 20
    No. That's not your job. It's her and fiances job to pay for their wedding. No one else's.
    via u/Potential_Speech
  • 21
    Reasonable Regr... 12h ago NTA, it's your house and it's not your wedding. Do what you want and what you feel comfortable with and besides that hold your ground with the boundaries you set.
    via u/Reasonable Regr

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