‘Which one is your real daughter?’: Mother Has One Biological Daughter and One Adopted, Family Demands to Know Who Is Who, But She Puts Her Daughters First

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 24, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Keeping secrets from your family isn't always the best idea. Skeletons can come back to haunt you, and you never know what someone's reaction will be to the bad news and lies. But understandably so, sometimes it's completely necessary to have your own secrets, your own life, and build boundaries with anyone (including your family). And what exactly happens when your family knows about said secret, and they won't let you run away from it?

It's a wild story to have an adopted daughter, and not tell her she's adopted. I couldn't imagine the feelings of betrayal, and like the world has flipped upside down, the carpet's been pulled out from under your feet. I understand to an extent wanting your kids to grow up without negative or lonely feelings about being 'the other,' but isn't it better if they don't feel lied to? Regardless, every parent has a right to their own parenting styles. Enjoy this Reddit piece about a mother doing her best to look after her children.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 1 day ago Usernames-be-hard Aita for REFUSING to tell my family which of my baby girls I adopted?
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 02
    I, a single, twenty year old female gave birth to a baby girl about two months ago, and at the same time adopted a second baby girl who was born about three days before. The daughter that I had in my uterus, I will call Rose. The daughter that I didn't carry I will call lily.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 03
    I got pregnant with rose about the same time that my best friend who I'll call Anna got pregnant with Lily. While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, anna was not. Anna felt that she wasn't in a good place emotionally, financially, or any other way to have a child. She told me she was considering getting an abortion, but that she wished her child
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 04
    could have a good life somewhere else, instead of "just being thrown away" but anytime she pictured putting her child up for adoption she remembers all of the story's of abusive adoptive parents. She said that she felt helpless because there didn't seem to be any good answers, that's when we came up with a hesitant plan.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 05
    We decided that if after Lily's birth, anna still didn't feel like she could raise her i would adopt Lily and raise the girls as twins. Anna didn't want Lily to know she was adopted, but I hated the idea of lying to a daughter of mine. We decided that once lily was old enough to understand I would explain that she was adopted. if at that point anna felt ready we
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 06
    would tell Lily that Anna was her bio mom, and if not then we would say that her mother wasn't ready for her to know who she was. This way lily could live her life, Anna didn't need to be worried about Lily because she could check on her at any time, and Anna would be able to continue working on getting her life in order.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 07
    I chose not to have any of my family in the room during the birth because I wasn't comfortable with them seeing me like that, and Anna was fighting with her family at the time. So anna and i were the only ones in the room for each other during the births. After lily was born Anna still wanted me to adopt Lily, and also said that she did
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 08
    want to be in her life more than she originally thought. we decided that she would be the god mother of both girls and I would be their mother. when it was time for us to go home, I organized a get together for my family to meet both of my daughters and we went forward with the adoption.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 09
    As soon as my grandmother met my babies she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were. She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant, I told her that, no I dont because they are both my daughters. she got mad about that and asked me which one was "my real daughter" and my parents backed her up saying
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 10
    that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted. I got mad and asked them why it mattered, both babies are my children, I'm breast feeding both of them, I named both of them, and I was there through the entire pregnancy for both of them, even if I only carried one of them myself.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 11
    This lead to a fight with my family insisting that I tell them which daughter is which, and me insisting that my grandmother apologized for implying that one of them wasn't my real daughter. My parents told me that I am being dramatic, pointlessly stubborn, ridiculous, and that they just wanted to know when dealing with the girls which one
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 12
    was their granddaughter. I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 13
    After they left I sent out a text saying that I will tell them which one is adopted when I explain to her that she is adopted, but adopted or not they are both my children. I also reiterated that until I get an apology, and they agree to view my daughters equally they will not see the girls and I will not be talking to them. I received a massive amount of
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 14
    text ranging from them demanding that I let them see the kids and telling me how I was cruel and selfish to deprived my daughters of their love, to pleading with me to just tell them which girl is which and let them see my daughters.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 15
    After a few weeks of this i said enough. The stress of trying to take care of two babies, adopt Lily, and deal with my family was to much. So I sent out another text telling them that I was serious when I said I won't tell them which daughter is adopted. I then told them that I cant take their constant text anymore, and anyone that text me something
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 16
    that doesn't start with an apology is getting blocked. Most of my family realized i wouldn't back down and stopped texting. I did have to block my brother, who sent me two paragraphs about why I should just give our parents and grandparents what they want, because it isn't worth the fight. I
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 17
    also had to block my mom, who texted my to tell me that no one was going to help me take care of the children until I told them them the truth about which is my real daughter. Anna agrees with me that they shouldn't care which one is adopt and says she wishes that my family didn't even know that one girl was adopted.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 18
    Well yesterday both babies were crying, lily needed a diaper change and rose was hungry and I realized that my mom was right. I can't be in both places at once and I can't take care of them by myself. Luckily Anna was there and she was able to take care of them both and get them settled, because I broke down sobbing and was completely useless. Now
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 19
    I'm starting to wonder if I am a bad mother for not leting my daughters see their family, and if I have chosen the wrong hill to die on.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 20
    P.s Anna was able to cheer me up, we cuddled together, and with the babies on the sofa, eating ice cream and chocolate most of the night. she is also the one who convinced me to write this post because she is obsessed with reddit.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 21
    Update. Thank you all so much for the support! I was shocked when I saw how many people had commented because I honestly expected to find maybe three or four. I tried to read through the comments quickly and I want to answer a few things that I saw multiple people say.
    via u/Usernames-be-hard
  • 22
    Money-Age6517 1d ago. Nta Sounds like they will probably treat your daughters differently, I can't. see why it would be so important to know. As for you depriving them of your family's love, you're protecting both of your daughters. Your family
    via u/Money-Age6517
  • 23
    doesn't get to decide when or what info you share. There is a big chance that when you do tell them, they'll favour 1 daughter. Be prepared for that, don't let it affect your daughters views of each other.
    via u/Money-Age6517
  • 24
    Ca... 1d ago Edited 6h ago NTA, it should not matter, I get their curiosity but I understand and respect where you are coming from. Don't worry about "depriving" your girls of your family. All those babies need are you and Anna. You! are doing a wonderful job
    via u/Ca
  • 25
    and it's ok to have help. I'm so happy you have Anna to help you with both the girls. You are going to be a fantastic mom always and Anna is going to be a fantastic godmother always. Focus on you and your girls. You got this!
    via u/Ca
  • 26
    AITAOneLineTLDR • 1d ago Adoption "real child" ragebait.
    via u/AITAOneLineTLDR

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family drama drama mother relationships adopted lol love family reddit thread Reddit mom funny children dating
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